Disfellowshipping Question

by Elizabeth Thompson 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • Elizabeth Thompson
    Elizabeth Thompson

    Sorry for any confusion. My husband and I were dating prior to his getting disfellowshipped. We were at a point that we were broken up when it happened. We were in the same congregation and most of the people there remember him. We were very quiet about our relationship, as the rumor mill is strong in this congregation. No one knew that we were even friends (as I was new there), much less dating and I've confided in no one there that I am married.

    Initially, I felt not telling anyone would make me dishonest. Which is why I've wondered if I should share with the elders. But on the flip side, I feel I owe no one an explanation for my life choices - only God, who knows my heart. I'm starting to see that I don't need the brothers approval of my decision. As I continue my research, I'm reminded that Jesus is the only mediator between God and mankind - not any elder-body or governing body. So I've grown more comfortable in my choice. However, I do have a few close longtime witness friends that I'd hate to lose contact with. I don't worry over my relationship with my mother, as she has always had doubts at the idea of shunning. I'm grateful too, that no one else in my family is a JW, and have been able to share my marriage with them.

    Also, my husband has been quite wide awake. He has always been a strong reader of the bible and was troubled at some teachings prior to being disfellowshipped. He now has many versions of the bible that he studies, and although supportive of my continued activity with the congregation, he's hopeful that I wake up.

    Its definitely happening, and I'm so appreciative of the support you all are providing me, and will hopefully continue to provide as I move forward on this course.

    Thank you so much!

  • DwainBowman

    If you marry someone that's dfed, even if your engaged, it's almost 100% that you'll be dfed! : (


  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Run Forest run! Say nothing. Leave it all behind and enjoy your life.

  • Finkelstein

    If your starting to see the the JWS is a commercial fraud of sorts, why not just be quiet about your marriage and fade away, stating your belief isn't strong enough to continue on.

    If you start opening up about who you married, your only going to bring a whole load of shit onto your shoulders.

  • millie210

    If you could physically move to a different location that would be nice for you.

    If that is not possible then a very low profile fade to black sounds like a good plan.

    You seem to be thinking very clearly and that is smart Elizabeth!

    All the best to you and your husband.

  • Perry

    Hi Elizabeth,

    As I continue my research, I'm reminded that Jesus is the only mediator between God and mankind - not any elder-body or governing body.

    Good point. Cults do not like the fact that Jesus can read hearts. He knows if someone has faith in him alone for salvation or not. Luther and Calvin worked all this out 500 years ago when the catholic church was presenting the Pope as Christs' substitute, Mary as Co-Mediator and their organization as essential for salvation. They still officially do claim that.

    It is amazing to me that with all the history available to us that the Watchtower was able to virtually copy the co-mediator concept promoted by the papacy.

    Glad to see you are waking up.

    Blessings to you!

  • freddo

    Time is on your side Elizabeth. Take your time and think things through over many months.

    Resist the urge to tell/confess. That urge is your decency and honesty being twisted by the self serving interests of the Watchtower self appointed mediators.

  • punkofnice

    The elders and others only have the authority you give to them. Why should you trust your life into the hands of janitors and milkmen?

    Say nothing, do nothing. Take your time. No rush. Eventually, you'll see the way clear. In the mean time fade. Just gradually drop off the radar of these unqualified hounders.

    There is no dignified way to leave a cult.

    Become 'spiritually weak(TM)', and sneak out of there.

    The watchtower corporation does not have the truth of the bible or any other way of living, come to that. Discover yourself. Do not allow watchtower mind control to destroy the rest of your life. this was my mistake....don't end up like me for goodness sake...don't!

  • smiddy

    How can I say this without hurting your feelings ,Elders are Nobody`s

    Think about it : are Mormon Elders due our respect or obedience to them ?

    Elders in the JW religion are only given the power and respect by existing JW`s in the religion ,.

    They have no respect ,no authority , no say , outside of the JW religion .

    The only authority they have is the one that Jehovah`s Witnesses give them over there own lives .

    Now . why would you do that , give that power to a few men you don`t even know over your own life , a power that can even mean life or death to you if you follow them.

    And remember they have changed their position/doctrine on scriptures many times with the excuse of New Light , in other words the old light was false/wrong ., obviously not from GOD


  • dozy

    I don't think you would be automatically DFd by marrying someone who is DFd. It's pretty unusual ( I've never heard of that kind of situation ).

    Now that you are married , you could always "confess" and probably would just get reproved ( probably publically , to dispel rumours ). Seen this a few times - people know how to "play the system".

    We had a sister in our cong who dated a "faded" JW & they got married - they kept their courtship private & though there were rumours , there was nothing tangible.

    A few months later she confessed that they had been in a long sexual relationship for 2 years before the wedding but she now felt guilty & wanted it "off her chest". She was privately reproved - nobody in the cong knew ( I was one of the elders on her JC & it was clear she had manipulated the situation but it was something of a fait accompli so we let it go ). She is now a pioneer in "good standing" and was interviewed at a recent assembly. Go figure.

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