What are the Society's rules when confronting a disfellowshipped person at a funeral service? (page 2)

jwundubbed

My uncle, my cousin, and my grandmother (100 yrs!) all passed last year. They are all on the JW side of the family. They have been shunning me since I was about 20 years old. I found out from someone on Facebook that they had passed... months after the fact. I'm not even DF or DA. My dad and my brother are DA. My elder sister is inactive like me (we refuse to act like they have any power over us by DAing.) But we all left at about the same time and the family has been shunning all 4 of us ever since. So, I doubt we will find anything out.

My brother was diagnosed with cancer this past year (we just found out he is in remission!). My younger sister is still a JW and she was so incensed and hurt that no one had told her about it. Dude... you are shunning us. If you want to know what is going on, you can't shun us. We can't be dead to you but alive enough to tell you we are dying. Seriously.

Aparently my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time in 30 years. I doubt I will be told if she dies. I know we wouldn't be welcome at the funeral. I think it makes a difference when everyone in attendance is JW. When it is mixed there is a lot more likelihood that people will behave nicely towards DF'd folks. When just a DF shows up and the rest are JWs it is a lot easier for them to be mean.

But I also agree that it depends on people. My elder sister and I never felt it was right to be spiteful and mean to disfellowshipped people. I never treated them like they were dead to their faces. I didn't treat them like they were dead behind their back either. I just was selective about how much time and what context of activities I spent with them.

Everyone deserves to grieve for their loved ones. Having said that, it is often just better to have a personal memorial outside of the JW funeral. The funeral is used in such a morally wrong way by the JWs to advertise their religion. That isn't what a funeral should be. It should be a celebration of a life and a chance for people to grieve.

mickbobcat

I was always told that you only talk to a DFed one for business you have with them only. So if your family member say a brother is DFed and your parent dies and the estate needs to be settled you can only talk to them about the estate nothing else. There was no time out or anything like that. Once the business is over you can not talk to them

peacefulpete

Recent grandparent funeral. We had a pleasant dinner with nonJW family before the funeral and skipped the JW service. Other EXJW family went and were dealt with unkindly. They were told to their face they were not welcome, they were seated in the back row not with family, and told to leave as soon as the talk was done. I'm glad we skipped it. Who needs that kind of emotional abuse.

FedUpJW

From what I personally have seen it is shun. . .Shun. . .SHUN. Oh did I mention SHUN?

joey jojo

At a funeral for a worldly man, whose son was a jw, a disfellowshipped man I know was told he wasn't welcome because he was making other JW's in attendance feel uncomfortable.

The stupidity and arrogance of this is infuriating. For starters, the funeral was at a funeral house, not the kh. The disfellowshipped man was a personal friend of the deceased and the JW's that were there barely knew the deceased and were mostly there only for support of his jw son.

Disgraceful, unchristian behaviour.

joe134cd

Yes I agree. It depends on ,who are there, who’s giving the talk, and the level of self righteousness. I recently attended a JW funeral, and to be fair to them, it rocked. It would of been 50/50 JW and the persons life. I thought this was the right mix as JWisim was a the main point of his life. I was so taken back that I actually commented on this to the elder who gave the talk. Walked the coffin out and they played a song by musician. Good for you watchtower.

Diogenesister

Joe 134CD Good for you watchtower.

I’m really glad to hear this. Wonderful. I tend to think it’s more the local elders and JWs though, if they’re good people, rather than HQ

BluesBrother

Maybe it does depend on the cong. ...and circumstance. A couple of funerals I have been to have had d/f family present. They were cordially greeted . The Witness family seemed to have called truce because of the death. I am sure things went back to normal afterwards.

What are the Society's rules when confronting a disfellowshipped person at a funeral service?

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