Hello...just wanted to say hello and introduce myself.
My name is Kelli. I was raised as a Jehovah Witness by my mother. My father did not become a JW until I was sixteen. Growing up was difficult, living in a divided household. I was born and raised in Ontario. When I was fourteen, my parents and younger sister moved to Nova Scotia. My older brother stayed in Ontario, abandoned because the elders disfellowshipped him. My mother felt that ignoring him would somehow bring him back into the organization. He has never returned, heehee.
Life in Nova Scotia was hard. My father became a Witness and decided to take an active role as father to my sister and I. Unfortunately, we were now teens and rebelled at the idea of him telling us what to do. Also at this time, I befriended a girl my age and we became quite close. Her family were JW's and they lived across the street. Her father quickly began to emotionally abuse me and the sexual abuse started about three months later. His outward advances happened for a year and a half until I had enough courage to speak up. In the end, four other girls in the congergation came forward expressing he emotionally abused them. He was publicly reproved and lost his priviledges for five months! I became clinically depressed, suicidal and spiritually dead. The elders offered no support. Within a year, I disassociated myself because I couldn't bear to go to another meeting and endure having to look at him. I was seventeen years old.
I ran back to Ontario and started a life of drug addiction and self-abuse. My parents disowned me and the guilt and shame tormented me daily. Two years later, my mother convinced me to move back in with them and get reinstated. I did this for her. The process of getting reinstated in long and very lonely. The only people I could speak to were my parents, two people who no longer knew me. Six months later, I was back in the organization and completely miserable. Thankfully, my parents moved to another congergation so I only had to see Mr. Pedophile at conventions. I lasted one year and then elders deemed me a bad influence and disfellowshipped me. I was caught smoking a cigarette. I tried to appeal their decision, at my mom's request, but the six elders infront me didn't care what I had to say. My defense was that, yes, I indeed was spiritually dead and needed help. I admitted it. My reasons were because of the emotional and sexual abuse and having to cope with the incredible shame. The elders refused to let me further talk about my experiences, saying the situation was dealt with and thus put in the past. I was on my own once again; no identity, community or family.
I am now twenty six years old and I have done an incredible amount of healing. I am happily living on the West Coast with my partner and brand new five month old son. I am in counselling, continuing my path of letting go of my past. I am finally happy with who I am, who I have become. I miss my parents (my sister left when she was a teen) and a few of my JW friends but I have learned to accept their decision of shutting me out. I try not to live in the past and instead work on building a community of like-minded folks.
I appreciate this forum. I have come and read posts on several occasions. I thought it was time I say hello and start to share my thoughts.
for you Kelli;