The start of a rough patch ahead...

by confused3426 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • confused3426

    Last night I told my mom my true feelings on the organization and what I've learned so far. It all started from a conversation, we need to go visit the new headquarters. My mom has been studying and just recently became an unbaptized publisher in the Spanish Cong. Currently I was going to the English cong. I live with my mom, and have tried to keep the peace despite my many doubts about the religion now. However I have had enough of trying to pretend, so I told her what I thought. Of course my mom broke down crying, saying that I've crushed her heart. How can I turn my back on Jehovah. That she started studying with witnesses b/c of me. I explained to my mom my feelings, what I've discovered. She of course told me I am weak in my faith, and have allowed Satan to corrupt my thinking. That if I stop serving Jehovah my life will be terrible etc. She finally clams down after crying forever. This just broke my heart to see that I've heart my mom's feelings. I assure her that I love her, and that I still love God, Jesus, and still believe in the Bible. I just don't believe in many things of WT. She reminds me of how much I will loose with my witness family, witness friends. I told her I am ready to face it, but honestly I am scared. I told her not to tell my die hard JW family my doubts or else they will think I've lost my mind and possibly report me. I am sure there's many who experience this. Do you just keep peace in your house, and pretend for a while, or do you finally have enough and say forget it??

  • Cadellin

    Hi, Confused:

    First of all, I'm so sorry--this is super stressful for your mom, yes, but for you, too. You are not responsible for your mother's feelings but they are understandable. Remember one thing--your mind is your own and you have the right to investigate any religion in a thoughtful, critical way. As far as your questions, it all depends. If you need to live with your mother as a dependent, then you are in a more difficult position than if you are able to move out and care for yourself. If you need to keep living with her, then you might need to pull back and keep the peace for at least a little while.

    One great piece of advice I got when I was leaving was this: There is no wrong way to leave a cult (or high control religion). You need to do what is in your best interests. That said, it will be easiest for you if you can start arranging your affairs so that you can live independently, even if that is a year or more off in the distance.

    When I started fading, I moved very slowly. I stopped going to the service meeting/school but kept going to the Sunday meeting for quite a while. It's okay to say that you are depressed, that you are not feeling well, that you are stressed out.

    Hang in there-it DOES get better!

  • ToesUp

    It is very normal to be scared. We were too. My spouse and I are born ins.

    Unfortunately, there is NO easy way to leave this organization.

    I think we each have to do what is best for our own circumstances and we each have a story. Myself personally, I am a very strong willed person and my biggest pet peeve is injustice. I am not one to stand around and watch others be treated poorly or watch others (with positions within the congregation) do exactly what they say not to do from the stage. These things do not sit well with me. My spouse and I had this little voice that kept saying..."something is just not right here." Once we left, due to being what WT calls "stumbled", we then learned TTATT. We learned about the UN scandal, the inconsistencies of the Malawi and Mexico issues, the overlapping generation teaching made NO sense, the blood fractions. The list goes on and on. Once we came across these subjects, that was it for us. We just could not sit there silent anymore. We exited 4 years ago.

    We know our old "friends" and most of our family will not associate because of our decision but we came to terms with that. We are much happier now. Why is that? We were told we would be miserable. Not so! Our kids seem happier too.

    I guess that you have to figure out how best to move forward. I look at it this way...if your family and friends truly love you, they will NOT abandon you. I could never do that to my kids. NEVER!

    Hugs to you and keep us posted.

  • tor1500

    Hi Confused,

    Love her and Love God and Jesus. Show her by living a balanced life...You can talk all you want but just show her that a person doesn't have to be a witness to show love and to be loved. Show her you have something for God that doesn't have to be counted...

    You have come to the right place...many will share their experiences with you and give you encouragement...I'm a witness, and many of the friends have no idea that there are beautiful people that are not in the hall the love God/Jesus as much as they do. They claim they can't read hearts only God can, so how can any one judge ones relationship with God, just by looking at them...

    This is scary for you depending on your age...If you are old enough to be on your own that's a good thing...I'm glad you mentioned that you were ready to face losing your witness family...that's brave and the first step to healing....Are they your family if you don't believe like they do? This is what keeps many in for the sake of the family. I was not born in so I can't understand that point of view....I have a good relationship with my Mom and she's not a witness. But that's another story...and a nice's a story of respect.

    If your mother really loves you, just live your life and be a good person, prove her wrong that because you are not a witness you are not going to live a crazy life...find a place of worship, that is non-denominational...and remember wherever you go, they won't have the whole truth, just like being in the org. you will hear and see things that aren't true...The Truth is in you.

    There are many ways to show you love God/Jesus...and being a witness is not the only way....

    If you keep peace in the house, that's ok, but you won't ever have any peace within yourself...

    But first congrats. yourself on seeing the truth...and you are not spiritually weak....

    You are correct in telling Mom don't tell your don't need a bunch of folks blabbing in your ear...stand your ground...Live Well...Be Kind to others....


  • never a jw
    never a jw

    do you finally have enough and say forget it??

    That's your choice. But I know what I would say: "the hell with it" regardless of the consequences. However, my life and personality may be very different from yours. Take it easy until you fully weigh all options.

    Good thing is that the Latino culture pays a blind eye to the GB orders to shun family members, especially sons and daughters.

  • confused3426

    @ Cadellin, I like your idea, just to slowly fade away. I feel that if I stop going overnight, then boom everyone will come after me and try to persuade me to stay. I am a woman in my 30's so I can move out. Right now I was at home for financial reasons, and to help my parents out financially. I do have plans for moving out in the near future. @toesup I told my mom the same thing that if my friends and family truly love me, just b/c I no longer think like them, doesn't mean they need to stop being in my life. They can stay in the organization. I just don't want to be part of it, after researching the many things you mentioned. I just feel like I discovered the Wizard was not real. My mind is blown away lately!! Like what is true and not true anymore.

    @tor1500 that's what I plan on doing, is to do more for my mom and dad at home. Do things as a family, so she doesn't think omg she's gone off the deep end. I told her this morning that I love her so much, and that my love for her doesn't change. We can still be close as before. I know my Latino family and boy they can easily convince everyone to turn on someone in a minute. They think they mean well, but they don't. So I rather not have them in my business with my relationship with my mom. I am an only child, and hopefully my mom sees the need for me in her life and not just to push me away b/c I stop believing in WT.

    @never a jw. You think Latinos do that, but my witness family follows the WT rules. When I was df years ago, I was shunned for 7 years from my cousins, aunt. They would be in the same room as me, and not acknowledge my presence. I see how they treat my other cousin who is df. I just don't want to experience that again.

  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut

    "She of course told me I am weak in my faith, and have allowed Satan to corrupt my thinking."

    Even though they tell you to "Make the Truth your own", your Mothier must not have faith that Jehovah's holy spirit is strong enough to protect you from corruption by Satan while you attempt to truly understand the religious interpretations you were taught by imperfect humans, since childhood.

  • DesirousOfChange

    It's a tough position to be in. If it's advantageous for you to "fake it" for a while, there is nothing wrong with doing so. It is not "living a lie". Remember, all is fair in "theocratic warfare". Do what makes life easier for your, for your mom, etc. You are the only one who will be forced to walk down the path you choose.

    Good luck. . . . Doc

  • Crazyguy

    It's your life and you have to live it! Do your research study the Bible and see if it's really the word of science and everything else. In the end the choices you make are going to be with you the rest of your life. Most JW piss away the dreams desires and hopes to be a good JW. Then die broke and destitute forgotten by the congregation when thier to old or sick to go to the meetings.

  • ILoveTTATT2

    Hi Confused,

    Did you know that there is a jwfacts in Spanish? It might help you if you need to show things in Spanish to your mom. It is

    This is the English version of the article "Helping Someone Leave":

    Here is the Spanish version:

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