Ex JW of 30 years , still messed up from it

by Doubledecker 26 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  neverendingjourney

  I've been out roughly 15 years after spending my entire life in it.

  It's hard to overstate how ingrained the programming becomes. Growing up in the cult leaves behind a legacy that can take a lifetime to overcome.

  When we're children, we take in lessons from our upbringing and connections get formed in the brain that condition us to react in certain ways to specific stimuli. We process this as fight-or-flight reactions to situations that might break certain JW rules, like being at a party with worldly people or being in an intimate situation with someone other than your spouse. These are situations that "worldly" people view as normal.

  When we leave, we don't wipe the slate clean. The programming is still there. You have to actively train yourself to overcome it and it takes years. It can be accomplished, though. I remember being at parties in my late twenties full of anxiety even though I hadn't been a believer in two or three years. After many such parties, the anxiety eventually went away.

  Best of luck to you.
• 

  Doubledecker

  Giordano Giordano 2 hours ago Doubledecker would you want to live in a paradise earth that was built over the bones of billions of innocent people? Do you still carry that JW approved suicide note........ called the No Blood Card in your wallet? JWfacts.com can be a powerful tool to start to learn how corrupt the WTBTS is. Good luck with working through this.
  

  Not sure how to quote in replies. But no , I don’t believe in any of that nonsense. I actually felt I didn’t believe in it age 10,11 and told my mother who got very emotional so I suppressed it until I couldn’t take anymore and walked .
• 

  Finkelstein

  DD to quote properly, copy someones comment

  Paste it into the comment box first , continue on typing out your own reply

  then to finish , highlight the person's comment and click the Quote link at the top menu and you will see that it creates its own yellow box and wallah

  told my mother who got very emotional so I suppressed it until I couldn’t take anymore and walked .
• 

  Doubledecker

  own yellow box and wallah

  Or as they say in France , voila . Thanks
• 

  DesirousOfChange

  When we leave, we don't wipe the slate clean. The programming is still there.

  Well stated.

  We have been "out" for 5-6 years and PIMO for several years prior to that and our JW Programming still haunts me. Belief in the JW false prophesies totally f**ked up our lives. We had all of our "eggs" in the JW "basket". We really really believed all of that (what we now see as TOTAL BULLSHIT) JW doctrine. I've found it a challenge to come to the realization that I will get old(er) and I will indeed die. How in the hell did they ever convince millions of people that they would never die??? WTF? NO ONE has "beat death"! And then there's the lack of emphasis on investment for the future since the "time remaining" was so short.

  Yep, our lives will be "messed up" until The End(™) -- OUR END, that is.
  
• 

  stan livedeath

  
  an hour agoDD to quote properly, copy someones comment
  Paste it into the comment box first , continue on typing out your own reply
  then to finish , highlight the person's comment and click the Quote link at the top menu and you will see that it creates its own yellow box and wallah

  thanks Fink--i never knew that
• 

  laverite

  DD,

  I also left the Watchtower Corp about 30 years ago around the same age as you! The first few years, the programming still impacted me.

  For a few years, I still had some irrational fears of demons even though I knew it was all poppycock. When there was thunder or lightening, my heart would start to beat fast, as there was still some anxiety about Armageddon (despite what my brain was telling me). I am a born-in and some old family members at that time still sang some of the old songs. They would sing things like: "Let the seas, and thunders roar! Warn of Armageddon's war. Joyfully sing the praise. Jehovah God is King!" I associated thunder with Armageddon..so that's why I would have that reaction. I grew up absolutely terrified of the devil and his demons. Back in the 70s, there was constant talk of demon attacks and I was terrified to be alone. Lots of bad memories. I was traumatized by the pictures and imagery of Armageddon in the publications back in the 70s. It was all so terrifying and real to me as a child.

  Some of those emotional reactions did hang around for a few years. I can say that over time that got much better. My rational self is in charge and the emotional responses to my JW upbringing have been muted.
• 

  smiddy3

  Since you ‘buried’ the religion (which it deserves to be really)..you never actually dealt with it or analyzed it. Leaving the religion is one thing..but you have to analyze why it was wrong.

  What LongHairGal said here is so true .My take on it is this ,some people leave the religion but the religion never leaves them .

  To many Jehovahs Witnesses its a "feel good" religion and they have never really analysed why it cant be anywhere near what you would call "truth"

  And I`m sad to say the WT religion conditions people to be interlectually / spiritually lazy as to what they believe .

  If WT or the GB says its so, it must be so, and they do not investigate it any further .

  They let the religion do their thinking for them.

  As LongHairGal said you have to analyze why it is wrong ,otherwise you will remain on a treadmill never knowing whether to believe the WT or not believe the WT.

  You need to research it for yourself without WT influence .
  
  
• 

  Doubledecker

  
  hi Double decker--a warm welcome here
  you:" has remained in my core beliefs."
  would you care to say what your core beliefs are ?

  Pretty much echoing others comments .

  Fight or flight mentality is very strong, don’t take criticism, a sort of superiority complex that’s its ”my way or the highway”. But that is also countered by a feeling that whatever you do is never good enough.

  Thanks to all taking the time to reply , looks like I might need to get some professional counselling to try and address these issues.

  Ive had dealings with counsellors in the past but I don’t think any of them can fully understand the deep programming you have from a mind control cult.

  For a few years, I still had some irrational fears of demons even though I knew it was Poppycock

  Yes , I agree with this . I still don’t like watching supernatural horror movies ! Similarly I have stayed away from ‘apostate’ articles and videos but go have recently let myself read them and find it very educational .

  One thing I was really surprised at was that JWorg is now doing broadcasts , and how evangelical and false it seems looking from the outside in . I can’t believe my family , parents and siblings buy into it!
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  Tantalon

  Hi doubledecker, I too was born in, left about 18 years old and it took me fourty years to shake the chains off. For me it was education that cured me. By that I mean researching the JWs and religion generally and reading Crisis of Conscience, Captives of a Concept, every word of JWfacts website and every exJW group I could sign up to. Also have a very loyal and supportive "worldly" wife, that helped heaps.

  Now I sleep well; no more nightmares. I can watch movies with supernatural themes without getting anxious and have never felt so emotionally well. I also cut relations with my still in family so they could not "trigger " me anymore.

  Atheist and free and happy!!