Who Are You?

by compound complex 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    I have made repeated attempts to move on with my life despite your decision to plague my every thought and move. I cannot move forward. A change of venue, that of diet, even new clothes have afforded me a frivolous and temporary elevation of spirits. Accordingly, as I am thus paralyzed by a most profound sense of anguish, I lie in bed, starring at a black sky and pining for what little contentment life had once offered up. Why do you pursue me?

    You grip me by the nape of my neck. You refuse to release me. I beg for mercy from you, The Hunter. You are a wily mistress, one whose cruel hold is that of iron. Between memory's relentless stabs at my heart and your refusal to disappear from my life, I am losing that steely mastery of self that had been pounded into my once unquestioning conscience.

    In complete control of all that my eyes now behold, you pull me steadily backward into times past. Times that, I thought, were gone and forgotten. Nearly forgotten but for a brief remembrance triggered, in strange and bitter irony, by that most brief recollection of a fleeting joy. Sorrow forces upon me the certainty of her undeniable existence, her penetrating essence. You are she . . .

    You have stolen my present, sabotaged my future. Yet, you say nothing.

    Who are you?

  • SunnyOne026

    Wow. What you wrote is very sad yet extremely poetic and beautiful.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thanks, SunnyOne026:

    I appreciate your kind words.

    We have found some answers -- yes -- but so much remains unexplained. I can live with that.

    Blessings to you and yours.

  • Tara N Seals
  • Bill Covert
    Bill Covert

    Very impressive. I know exactly what you are saying.

    Here it is a mental bondage that silences a voice to be heard, to be able to teach 5 sons and 10 grandchildren. Today as I read your words i wait to see what results if any will a letter to County Mental Health will have the power to break the power of "Who Are You" that has controlled all the decisions that a family i have financed for 48 years is held bondage to.

    I have #5 son of whom I have written about here, currently in their control as a direct result of the incompetence of WTB&TS Northern Calif. Service Dept. Desk [same guy who cost the WTB&TS a lot of money with the Red Bluff molester Henderson] handling of a $4.250M unregistered securities fraud. The object of that letter is; can I actually get the WTB&TS into court on a civil rights violation. Just a one man project that is comprised of out of the box thinking.

    There is a three year project out there that is going to have a large impact on breaking the power of "Who Are You" in our Northern Calif. area, but it is a slow go, been like a "carrot on a stick in front of a horse" . That I don't think will be published it time to save my son's chances for recovery.

    I have only been at the project of breaking the power of "Who Are You" since 1989. So as i read your post I am in another waiting game to see if I finally succeeded in breaking that power. As I said just a one man project, but your writing was a very powerful and beautiful assessment of that which has controlled my existence. Very well done!


  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Greetings, Bill Covert:

    I am in awe of what you have just written and would comment further if I weren't shutting down my computer and taking it to my writing class. It will take a bit of time to get the full meaning and impact of your words, but I shall do so.

    In parting, I will add that my family, who followed me into the ORG, remains in its thrall. Some younger born-ins are in, some out. Strange, we can hold a decent conversation with those out yet not with those in . . .

    "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead


    Frank Carton

  • jp1692

    CoCo, your words sound like you're describing the black dog of depression.

    Perhaps I'm just recognizing someone I know all too well.


  • compound complex
    compound complex

    Thanks, jp1692:

    Good choice -- applicable. Or, the hold our former faith had on us.

    Best wishes.

  • jp1692

    Yeah, there's always that ...

    I often wish that my experience as a cult member was farther in the rear-view mirror than it is. Or to put it differently: I can't wait to be an ex-ex-JW.

    For me at least, it's hard because I have two children who I love very much that are still in the cult. I imagine it'd be easier for me to let it go if they were out and we had a good, healthy relationship. But we do not.

  • compound complex
    compound complex

    I'm sorry, jp.

    Me too . . .

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