by FlyingHighNow 29 Replies latest jw friends
Be firm but fair. Tell her that if she wants any contact, she will have to come over and have a meal with you - a disfellowshipping offense. Either she is family, and can eat with you; or she isn't, and has no business in her nephew's life.
Don't let her cult set the conditions of your relationship - demand all or nothing. This sets you free to love her and forgive her, but not to suffer under the yoke of the cult anymore.
CZAR
((((((((flyhighnow))))))))thinking of you at this insane time...when they will get it, is beyond me...morty
I hope she gets it very soon. Thank you so much for the hug.
Why would your sister think she would get a letter from the elders? It doesn't happen that way. ...
It sounds as though your sister recieved instructions from the elders when she called, telling her to stay away from you if you were talking or acting like an apostate and were a spiritual danger. ...
You say it has been 4 and a half months you have been dealing with this ......and nobody has contacted you on the matter yet? No elders have tried to contact you?
Gumby
I guess she thinks that after I go groveling to the elders I can beg them to write her a letter telling her that I did so and that now I am okay to talk to.
My sister actually wasn't told by the elders to shun me. She was advised by my sister in law to do this. My sister in law has a sister she considers to be in the same boat. Probably my sister was seen as a busybody by the elders.
The elders have not contacted me. They do not have my address. Could this be why they haven't contacted me? I am 900 miles away from them. My exhusband could relay info to me but he hasn't. He has my phone number. Also, my sister, exhusband and the elders have decided I must be mentally ill. Am I being shown mercy because I'm "daft"? Who knows.
However, they aren't allowed to acknowledge it officially, which means that they want me to pretend to be "repentant" so that they can pretend to be "forgiving". Bull.
Wow, LWolf, that really sucks. I can't imagine how disheartening that was to you at the time. I bet you feel like they did you a favor now. Maybe the cosmic powers of the universe said to each other that, "Lone Wolf is too nice to be part of this cruel organization. Let's get LWolf out NOW."
It looks to me like your sister is a prime candidate for the same treatment. In reality, she needs to be disfellowshipped for running ahead of the congregation in "disfellowshipping" you! What arrogance!
I love this. Ever since she became a JW she has had an arrogant and cruel streak.
But again maybe just a little information now and again won't kill either one of you --- IMO Panda
True, true. Thank you.
If she won't talk to you, she shouldn't talk to you period.
It sounds like she talks to your daughter (does she live at home).
It sounds like your sister wants to get infomation about your family in a way that benefits herself and not you. Pretty selfish.James 2:13---For the one that does not practice mercy will have [his] judgment without mercy. Mercy exults triumphantly over judgment.Blondie
I feel like if I am not good enough to talk to about other things then why is it okay for her to speak to me on the phone about my nephew? She got the info to me through my daughter: why isn't she thinking that she will relay the rest of the info that way?
My daughter doesn't live with me. She's on her own, married with two children. She is not a JW thank goodness.
"Mercy exults triumphantly over judgment" Somehow, I think many elder bodies have missed this point. I wonder though if this is why the elder body back in my old cong. hasn't dealt with me yet.
Blondie, thank you for reminding me of this scripture.
My sister has done the same thing to me. She sent me an email saying she would only contact me in cases of family emergencies or important health matters, etc.
Last email I received from my sister was quite nasty, and she accused me of not treating her like a human being, which I found rather ironic.Sorry you're going through the same nonsense. Wolf Girl
Wolfgirl, your sister sounds even more heartless than mine. I edited out the part of my post about the cruelties my sis has subjected me to. Where is Jesus' golden rule operating here? Why is it okay to throw out so called christian values when dealing people who have rejected WT teachings? They only have to act like christians when it's convenient for them? It would seem so. I seem to remember Jesus having "pity for the crowds because they were skinned and thrown about like sheep without a shepherd." He also asked God to forgive his killers because they didn't understand what they were doing. I have fellow feeling for you. It's a shame they are not contacting you about the things they said they would. How heartless of them.
They may have started it, but I get to end it, Gary B.
I get this kind of thought, too. I don't know whether I'll give in to it. I do understand completely though.
Tell her that if she wants any contact, she will have to come over and have a meal with you - a disfellowshipping offense.
Don't let her cult set the conditions of your relationship - demand all or nothing. This sets you free to love her and forgive her, but not to suffer under the yoke of the cult anymore.CZAR
This goes along with what Gary said. If I didn't live a couple of thousand miles away this might acutally be an option. It's not like she has no way to get the word to me other than the phone.She can e-mail me or speak through my daughter. If I am so dangerous to speak to, why is it okay to make an exception now? It would make sense if there were no other way to contact me but the phone. She doesn't have my number or address. I guess she really wants my phone number badly.
I don't like playing by the WT rules, like you said, being under the yoke of the cult is not very palatable.
Thank you all so much for your kind responses. If you think of anything else that might help me please PM me or post here. I'm grateful for your input.
Heather
When working through your differences with your sister, try limiting your comments to what you feel and what you want. Don't bother trying to read between the lines or psychoanalyzing why your sister might be doing this to you. It seems you may be divided on how to deal with her, because, though you are deeply offended, you still hold out hope to develop some kind of normalcy between you.
Problem is, your sister has to decide to behave normally first. And you can't make her. She is trying to make you back in to a JW, and that isn't working too well, is it? In the same way, you can't fix your sister.
I suggest you lay out what you need, clearly. This is what you said.
I don't know whether I should speak with you on the phone or not I feel like only speaking about my nephew will be demeaning and depressing. I don't deserve to be treated like I am an untouchable. If you are ready to talk to me, sister-to-sister, then I am ready to open the lines of communication.
How about sending this to her by e-mail, and let the chips fall where they may? It is then up to your sister if she is will respond well. Be prepared to live with it if she doesn't.
I suggest you lay out what you need, clearly. This is what you said.I don't know whether I should speak with you on the phone or not I feel like only speaking about my nephew will be demeaning and depressing. I don't deserve to be treated like I am an untouchable. If you are ready to talk to me, sister-to-sister, then I am ready to open the lines of communication.How about sending this to her by e-mail, and let the chips fall where they may? It is then up to your sister if she is will respond well. Be prepared to live with it if she doesn't.
Jgnat,
I will ponder this and let it sink in. What you suggested just might make her think, even if she doesn't ever let me know about it.
Thank you.
Heather
Personally, having lived through so much of this type of emotional blackmail, guilt, etc., and having been out for quite awhile now, I'd just make a decision to be "normal". Do what your heart tells you. Don't follow by their rules and they won't have any power over you. If you want to call them, or drop by, or whatever, do the normal, human thing, and dis-avow that any rules of their ignorance even apply to you. Then let them deal with how they will handle it.
Don't worry. Be happy.
If you want to call them, or drop by, or whatever, do the normal, human thing, and dis-avow that any rules of their ignorance even apply to you. Then let them deal with how they will handle it.
Sentinel,
You're right, she is the one allowing their rules to govern her relationship with me. I personally don't give a flying fig about their rules. Thank you.
Heather
Where is Jesus' golden rule operating here? Why is it okay to throw out so called christian values when dealing people who have rejected WT teachings? They only have to act like christians when it's convenient for them?
That's pretty much what I said to her. No response, naturally.
That's pretty much what I said to her. No response, naturally.
Wolfgirl,
My sister told me she and the elders think that I am mentally ill. I asked her if she really thinks this then is it Christian for her or the elders to treat me like this? It's easier for them to believe that I am mentally ill than to accept that I chose to leave. But then they have no pity or concern for the mentally ill little old me? Aaaaaaaaaaaa!
Heather
I Can help!!!!!!!!!
You can e-mail me for help! Do you have any Q's that I can answer for you from using the Bible Only. I'm a BloodWashed Born-Again Christian Now I was a JW's for 23yrs. I think I can Help you out here is my e-mail address [email protected]
In Christ Michael
Think back and pick out a very positive memory, a time when you and your sister really connected. Now write her a very loving letter recalling this event. Tell her how much you love her and will never be disloyal to her. The door is open to her always. That is how you see love. Your love is not conditional! Your love is loyal. You love her and will wait for her! That is what love does! Remind your sister there is no justification for treating her any other way, and the God you worship has true love as His greatest quality. Maverick
