There is a snapping vicious junkyard dog in my head.
A dog constantly barking, hungry, terrifyingly intimidating, and above all...relentless!
Unless I feed it a constant stream of input - it threatens to eat me alive.
(It is that Monster from the id in Forbidden Planet.)
Is everybody like that?
Or is it just me?
If I find something to do, to read, to listen to, to think about which is 100% interesting - the barking stops and I can concentrate TOTALLY and lose myself in the process.
Hours at a time.
But -Uh Oh - if I'm not totally absorbed because then a restless energy seizes the beast and I'm miserable.
Asleep at night - a thought enters a dream and asks a question and suddenly - WIDE AWAKE! Bark bark barking.
As a Kid : Brain-puppy
When I was a kid and my parents took me to grownup movies I didn't understand - instead of getting restless, squirming and acting up --I sat perfectly still because I WAS GLUED to trying to make sense out of it!
Raw meat for my Brain-puppy
The same with books.
I loved finding difficult books at the public library
and spent hours writing down words I didn't understand - looking up definitions - listing the new words - memorizing them.
Memorizing Poetry, Pi to fifty decimal places ...
More raw meat for the Brain-dog
I even enjoy reading about things I'm not interested in because my disinterest is interesting. Crazy?
It shuts up the barking, snarling Brain-dog!
As a teenager I got into the whole religious cult thingy because there was so much "information" to absorb, analyze, research, and commit to memory.
Historical dates, long scriptural passages.
My brain wanted to drain the Bible of all its mystery - even to the point of teaching myself Greek.
I learned how to get up in front of strangers and give an hour sermon. Thrilling!
It shut up the fully grown Brain-mastiff
So too with Music!
I read books on why Western hemisphere music is 12-tones (books on the Theory of Equal Temperament).
I wanted to figure out what notes went with which chords.
(I can tell you every note in every chord in all inversions.)
In prison I taught myself piano and how harmony worked by sneaking into the Catholic rectory (while others went to the Mess Hall to eat.)
My brain was more starved than my body.
Trivia. Puns. Vocabulary. Quotations. Very very interesting to me.
Writing itself is not elective for the most part!
I MUST WRITE when an odd thought pops into my skull or it won't leave me alone.
But IF I DELIBERATELY TRY to write something somebody wants me to write about --you think it will come easily?
Can a Mind understand the Brain? Sure.
Can your Mind understand itself?
I know how to feed that snapping vicious junkyard dog in my head - but I don't know who put it there or why.
I hope your Brain isn't like my brain.
I hope you have a fluffy pussycat curled up purring instead.
Tell me, please, about your relationship with your own Mind.
What sort of beast is it??