Azaria,
I told you I'd come and read and comment and so here I am. I see here that you not only have drawn some very thoughtful replies but you have attracted the attention of some of the more serious posters from JWD.
I live in West Michigan and it seems like you can't drive down any major street here without passing a CRC within every couple of miles. I thought this was the spookiest thing when I got here almost two years ago. I had never seen one CRC much less hundreds of CRCs.
I have learned one huge lesson from searching diligently for the truth and for the true God. You can open yourself to unscrupulous men and women as well as unscrupulous religions.
I know this may sound bewildering to you; but here is how I feel: I fell for one big religion telling me they have the truth. I was taken advantage of and very hurt by them. I am not going to allow this to happen to me again as long as I am able minded.
I had an epiphany the other day. I figured out that it's very possible we are not going to know the complete truth here on earth. Probably no church or religion has the complete unadulterated truth. Perhaps it's not meant to be that God operates through any one religion.
I believe when Jesus gathered the little children and said that we should become like them he was saying much more than one might think. I am blessed with being able to remember my baby and child thoughts and feelings about God. I am remembering more everyday about the child view of God I had. It was very pure and God was all love. He was not a rule maker or a condemner. He loved me unconditionally and the thought never occurred to me that God could give up on someone. I never dreamed God could hurt anyone much less condemn them to hell or non existence. He was like a kindly father or grandfather that you could disappoint but he wouldn't give up on you.
I feel like it's very possible when each of us dies, God will be like the Wizard of Oz. He'll tell us we never had to leave Kansas to find our heart's desire. We had it with us all along. Can you remember your earliest thoughts on God? Say, when you were two or three years old? I hope you were allowed to view him as he is. 1John 4:8 says he is Love. I think any church who teaches of him as unloving, and lots of them do, is ignoring that scripture.
By the way, my fiance was raised Catholic. His sister just graduated from a Catholic College in 2002. She became very devout and also very controlled and miserable because of the ill treatment she received from her by-the-book Catholic friends. She has decided to ease up and not be so strict. Catholicism was so hard on my fiance that he will never go back to it. For him it was not as severe as JWs but close in many ways.
I am not saying don't go to the Catholic Church. I am saying that you should be very cautious of thinking you will find absolute truth there. You might try the Anglican Church, too. I was raised in this church. They took the good things about Catholicism and weeded out the bad. The rituals are very similar and beautiful. I don't think they have they truth anymore than any other church but they are not staunch and they don't try to rule your life and they don't claim to be God's only church.
One thing I do know. I know there is a God. I only have to look at babies and children and the love they give and the amount of love we feel for them and know there is a God. Babies do not fear death. They trust that they will be taken care of and cherished. Try to find your way back to that view of God.
Go to church if you want, but don't expect to find the complete truth there. Look in your heart and trust that the creator will take care of you and he will let you know what is going on in the hereafter. He loves everyone. He provides hope for us all. Anyone who tells you God only loves you if you do this or do that is out to control you. Look at God as small child looks at God and I bet you will be a lot happier than looking at God as adults look at God. Adults over complicate God and they project their pickiness and need to control onto him.
Heather
