Emotional Terrorism. (page 3)

little witch

It is of my opinion that someone who consistanly speaks of suicide is practicing. They are thinking it, planning it, and are trying to get their courage up. Testing the water, so to speak.

Be a bad guy. Call a proffessional, get them involuntarily taken into the custody of a hopital.

Dont try to reason with them, they are unable to hear you. Dont fool around. Dont wait till they climb a watertower, bridge, make a noose or buy a gun.

(thank God for my sister, who pissed me off majorly for cutting to the chase, and caring enough to do something drastic).

Yes, this person is "playing" with you. Yes this person is seeking attention...See that you do it!!!!

Maybe what was in my mind was type of confrontation you had with your father. That is truly tragic. Not only was it invalidation of you as an individual, but it also denied responsibility for the abuse (whether physical, emotional, or both) that occured. I have attempted confrontation a number of times, but the other party invariably denies what is occuring; especially if they know my background, which leaves me vulnerable to emotional uncertainties.

I will keep listening. What I am trying to determine at this point is -- what do people consider confrontation. My experiences have taught me that it can be extremely dangerous, if it is anyway perceived as an attack or a "righting of wrongs". If what is meant by confrontation are statements like "Don't tell me how to feel", "If you want to get to know me better, the 1st thing I want you to know is everytime you interrupt me I get angry"... are these confrontations? or I am being way to sensitive and these are really pathetic ways to respond?

one_ugly_time

Gadget

It appears nearly unanimously that confronting the "emotional terrorist" is the prefered choice. I guess my problem with this is continuing to be left invalidated after the abuser denies any wrong doing. Or, they simply apologize time after time. It's not fair.

one_ugly_time, I agree with you, I am head ovar heels in love with the person who's doing the 'emotional terrorist' with me. How do you confront a person like that and have to live with the consequences of what they might do?

It is of my opinion that someone who consistanly speaks of suicide is practicing.

In my proffessional experience I have come across many people who do things like that to try and manipulate people, it is a very hard line to walk trying to work out who is genuine and who is not. I have lost my temper many a time with people who are doing it to manipulate people, they are just taking the mick out of genuinely suicidal people.

Narkissos

Very interesting subject!

I feel there are at least two different types of e.t. (as of many pathological behaviors): the hysterical type and the obsessional type. Threats of suicide, for instance, would mostly belong to the first type, and trivializing the other's feelings would rather belong to the second one. In the first case stopping to be the expected audience may be useful (which does not mean stopping to hear, but responding in an unexpected way). In the second case open confrontation and verbalizing the unsaid may be best.

And I would ask: aren't we all, to some degree, emotional terrorists? Is there a human relationship totally free of any kind of manipulation? I doubt it. Froggy pessimism perhaps...

Lady Lee

one-time

I see that there are 2 kinds of confrontations

The first is as I described above regarding my father (whom I had not seen in many years) - It was a one time deal and I didn't see him again until he died. He was a violent abusive person who I was scared of for most of my life. I did walk away from that feeling more empowered. The fear was lessened and I got a healthy respect for my safety.

The other kind of confrontation for me is much simpler. My JW mother has a habit of reinventing her past and ours. She would often turn situations around so that her needs were being met at the expense of others. I would talk to her about something that was bothering me and she would come up with "I guess I wasn't such a good mother" <sigh> which was my cue to say "You did the best you could. And I know you had a hard life and did the best you could"

Well I got fed up finally of this happening and one time she said this and my response was an honest one that didn't buy into her pity-me-syndrome. "No mom sometimes you weren't" Well you could have heard a pin drop. It was honest and she really could not deny it.

Another time she was talking about how much HER mother loved children. My sister and I both said in unison "No she didn't. She hated kids" My mother stopped dead and had to admit that we were right. And if she had tried to deny it again we both were ready with plenty of examples of my grandmother's hatefullness and anger.

These were simple but honest one-liners. For a person like my mother they were extremey effective statements of truth that didn't allow her or me to buy into her game.

Funny it was shortly after this that she really stopped talking to me. (Which isn't a bad thing)

little witch

Of course there are different "types". It is impossible for most of us to sort out, thich is why I say to get professional help.

You don't want that kind of decision on your shoulders..

A young boy of 17 just hung himself (he was my neighbor, and rode my kids bus).

We had no idea he was desperate, or despondant.

I wish I had known him, and his situation, his life is gone, as well as my willingness to introvene....

If someone told me, in any way that they were isolated, or hopeless, I would do anything in my power to introvene.

Being a drama queen, threatening suicide, seeking recognition, are precursers to suicide.

(This has nothing to do with confronting abusers, with whom I would gladly macrame the rope). (the abuser that is)

Gadget

I agree about there being different typres of people, and each case has to be taken on its merits.

Edited by gadget.

one_ugly_time

Lady Lee -

Great explanation. And what a classic line --

"I guess I wasn't such a good mother" <sigh>

When I think of the word confrontation, I think of defending, accusing, demanding, etc. Correct me if I am wrong, but the word that comes to my mind for your examples is more like assertive than confrontation. This may have just hit me upside the head. I tend to waiver between confrontation and submission, which in turn gets interpreted as a passive-aggressive attitude toward resolution.

I was never taught that my feelings where just as valuable as the next persons, so I end up either shunting them entirely; ie; peace-maker, or as I have learned to do less and less, confront someone about my feelings. That situation continues to involve justification, proof, and arguing; all of which I am really tired of.

Reminds of the saying - Say what you mean; Mean what you say; but don't say it mean.

jgnat

Kewl, one_ugly_time, that quote just went on my lifetime favorites list. Deborah Gee wrote it of Naked Music Publishing. I am a music illiterate, so maybe someone else can tell me if she is Heavy Metal, Folk, or Western.

http://www.deborahgee.com/lyrics_saywhatyoumean.htm

Lady Lee

one-time

I was the epitome of the cave-in-runaway. At any hint of trouble I became passive - submissive. But slowly I learned that these one-line truths stopped her in her tracks. I now use them whenever I meet one of these manipulators. And it seems to work very well.

I don't do angry confrontation well. I think I would rather run than fight because it really isn't worth the fight. But I no longer let people run over me either. I stand up and state my truth (they don't have to agree with it)

I feel pretty good with this tecnique too. I feel like I maintain my self-respect, say what I meand and mean what I say and yup never say it meanly - excellent line

Emotional Terrorism.

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