Question for those that have been Disfellowshiped for apostasy VS succesfully fading

by NikL 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • freddo

    Another arrow in your quiver is not feeling it is wrong to lie to those asking the "Do you believe the GB/FDS are Jah's representatives on earth?" or somesuch.

    Remember their own definition of a lie is a self serving one that is different from anybody else's definition of a lie.

    They say in the January 2016 Public WT under the heading LYING WHAT IS IT?

    "Saying something false to someone who is entitled to know the truth."

    Use it against them. YOU decide what they are entitled to know and just tell 'em of course you believe the GB is up there with Jah/Jesus. THEY aren't entitled to know the truth anymore than a Gestapo man isn't entitled to know where you hid your Jewish mate.


  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    "Do you believe the GB/FDS are Jah's representatives on earth?"

    well--yes i do !

    but as jah is just a myth--then--quite rightfully---the GB are representatives of a myth.

  • nowwhat?

    I have m inactive for 3 years and go to one sometimes 2 meetings a month. And the elders have left me alone even though at my last shepherding visit 2 years ago I told them the overlapping generations was a joke

  • Darkknight757

    Those two dummy's who came over yesterday asked that question and I said "No!"

    Then told them to read the July 2013 Watchtower page 8 paragraph 19 which says the F&DS wouldnt be appointed until sometime DURING the GT. Then they said "the light gets brighter" line. LOL.

    I asked if the GB know what they are even teaching anymore? They cannot even keep up with their own "light."

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot

    There are quite a few here who have been disfellowshipped for apostasy.

    Then there are those that have successfully faded.

    Why the different outcome? Are the ones that got DF more out spoken? Or does the discrepancy lie with the elders?

    It gives you more control and more dignity to fade out. I tried but because I was outspoken I got disfellowshipped anyways. As for discrepancy amongst the elders they are all the same with your experience being an exception.

    I can see nothing in the elders handbook to indicate they must DF someone who is inactive or has left the org in the dust

    In the 1980s, during their witch-hunts, they were coming to the houses of inactive ones and sometimes tried to make them sign a paper that stated that they were no longer attending meetings. If they signed it then the disfellowshipping announcement would be made.

    They were treating inactive ones in the same manner as disfellowshipped ones.

    I knew an elderly lady who was disfellowshipped for not attending the meetings.

    Back in the early 90s when it was discovered I had read "Crisis of Conscience", they had a judicial meeting with me but basically told me to keep my thoughts to myself and they would leave me alone. Maybe that was on account of .my active JW wife?

    You were fantastically lucky! In my judicial committee I told the elders that I was not promoting sects (they had read the scripture which mentions that). They responded by saying that I was "a sect of one".

    I had a neighbor who got disfellowshipped along with her husband for reading that same book.

  • Village Idiot
    Village Idiot


    I asked if the GB know what they are even teaching anymore? They cannot even keep up with their own "light."

    In response to the "light gets brighter" meme I say that "There is no light getting brighter but instead a bunch of light bulbs burning out and being replaced by the Governing Body.

  • Awakenednow

    I successfully faded with the exception of my sister and brother-in-law elder shunning me. I was a very happy Jw for most of my life, but my painful experiences were at the hands of prominent Jw's. I was molested for 7 years by the a-hole ms who studied with my parents, first elder hubby bethelite pioneer decided he never loved me and made a mistake marrying me after surviving cancer, ok life goes on... I married a newby jw I knew as a teen I originally met at a job who I renewed a friendship with after my divorce. We eloped after his baptism and had a couple amazing kids, after 15 years of marriage I divorced him because the last few years I discovered serious fraud, was physically threatened and so over living like that and still trying to be a sub,issive loving wife , Yadayadayada. He was arrested and sent to prison for a couple years, so I divorced him. The 2 elders came by and said I had no grounds so I told them that I served more time in my prison for a hasty decision years ago doing my best to make the most of it and I was out! If they love him so much then they can have him but I'm done. They laughed and couldn't argue that. Btw, my ex was being considered for elder. We had a very ideal looking family life, followed the rules, by the book. He was just a con that I fell biggy. But, I decided that if I wanted to raise my kids to make wise personal choices and model that I would need to seriously reflect on mine and begin with the common thread....jw living. I allowed "mother" to dictate my life choices, doubting my own inner voice. So obviously I came to the conclusion to fade, but my whole life was in the Org. - my parents (dad/elder) , friends, sister....everyone in my entire world and support group. I was homeless due to the business disaster that led to my ex's incarceration, no income...scary stuff. And, I lived with my parents at this time for about 8 months while I got work and therapy for my kids who were traumatized. I was helped by ....drumroll....worldly people! They were the proven good sams. No witnesses outside a couple of older loving friends of my folks even bothered to call. The worldly people lent me a car, signed for a rental agreement on a house, donated funds. Those bad worldly people treated me and my kids with love and kindness. What I always believed and tried to be as a witness. So, because I moved twice, the infamous 'cards' kinda got lost in the shuffle as I stopped attending meetings while living with the folks. For 3 years no contact, then 1 elder tried to call and encouraged me to go to meetings and I said I'd think about it. Then I moved in with an amazing man who's now my husband and great father to my kids, I told my family that we had made a vow of faithfulness while we worked out legal issues to civil marriage (73 wt article I think. I printed it and gave it to them ). Several convos with the folks who actually agreed with me and because of the familial trauma of sexual abuse made the choice to support me instead of punish me with shunning like my sis does. So I told them that based on the ARC and like issues I am a "conscientious objector" of the Orgs policy on child sexual abuse and I can't in good conscience go out to people to covert them into this org until they implement policies that better support and protect victims. The beliefs argument doesn't fly because of the cult personality. In my cases, being a survivor, I use the ARC and personal abuse to empower me and the Congo leaves me alone. Side note, my folks came to my wedding and were called before the CO for attending in support of a marriage to dad stepped down and told me that he wouldn't have missed it and he chose me over his position. Hooray! So, bottom line, my experience at successful fade is this: drop off attendance, change congos if able, don't return phone calls, stay polite in public run-ins with friends, when pressed state the ARC report concerns you and you are inactive as a conscientious objector due to the policies found by experts that disadvantage abuse survivors and it bothers you , you regularly check the orgs updates via online videos and stay up to date, etc., and thank them for their encouragement when they recommend you go to meetings. I personally have read Coc etc., done my research and am a full-blown malcontent to doctrines but who cares. They don't need me to impose my views on them and if I'm ever asked would share freely what I've learned, but the "cult personality" as defined by Mr Hassan, takes over and it's not worth it. Better for me to live my life blessed and happier then before and that's a better witness for my choice then arguing right or wrong. My kids say, just do you! Great Advice. I don't recognize their view the Congo has authority over me so I don't bother with the elder thingy. Don't open the letters, return to sender, don't return calls. The elders need to reply to CO that they tried, they will drop it. Most, I'd bet, don't want to pursue a former friend. Anyway, that's the long and short of my experience and perhaps it helps. I'm happy to talk to anyone who needs a friend, please message me. Happy Living! Love conquers all.

  • Phizzy

    When I walked away for good, I decided on a fade, because I have a number of family members still in, not least my old ailing mum.

    I opened my trap toa M.S, who reported me to the Elders, despite a promise not to, and I had the two Elder visit.

    They were determined to nail me for Apostasy, I fended off awkward questions, and simply did not answer the "loyalty" question, though it was thrown at me twice, in different words each time.

    They left empty handed, fast forward a couple of years, and they 'phoned me trying to set up a meeting, the same two Nazi's, as they thought they had proof it was me dissing the Cult on-line.

    I played the suicidal depression card, said I would contact them when I needed help, and have had no trouble since.

    If you wish to fade, don't be like me, keep your mouth shut.

    I am still just "inactive" and non-attending officially, but I watch what I say if I get a "courtesy" call, though I do not actually mince my words, my favourite is " Prove to me you have the truth".

    No Elder has returned to do so.

  • Sorry

    My best friend's uncle started his fade 10 years ago. He just stopped attending meetings all together. The elders were on him for a good year and a half, but he wouldn't even give them an inch. He always made excuses and used the same "If I need anything, you'd be the first one I'd call." Then he claimed he had super long hours at work (which wasn't a lie) and was depressed. After a while,they just gave up. His family doesn't shun him at all, but the rumor mill at the congregation made him a social pariah.

  • stockholm_Syndrome

    I"Do you believe the GB/FDS are Jah's representatives on earth?"

    well--yes i do !

    but as jah is just a myth--then--quite rightfully---the GB are representatives of a myth.

    That is EXCELLENT Stan Livedeath!

    I have faded and always thought that would be a very hard question to look sincere in -- and now I can ..Cheers

    Parents and Siblings still talk with me -just we all avoid any spiritual discussion cause they all know where I stand and they dont want us d'fed either

    My kids do normal stuff - and if questioned just say "Mum and Dad let us make up our own minds" - not an ideal JW situation but you cant be d'fed for it. We sometimes look at 'facebook god' as a family for a laugh..

    When I see dubs socially - if congo stuff ever come up we say we have personal stuff happening --and they dont push it...

    All cool.....just wish my extended family would see it as an unfounded puritan life (for them)is @#[email protected]

    It is incredibly tempting to engage Elders in discussion - but the loss would outway any satisfaction...

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