My wife finds fulfillment with the Dubbies

Black Sheep

How can I take that away from her?

I can't.

She is currently 'helping' someone in what I suspect is the same situation that the last (and only) person she has helped into the Troof.

We love each other very much and I just have to learn how to keep my mouth shut. I was brought up by fanatical JW parents and dropped out at 15, had a fling with it before Armageddon (1975), just in case, but during that time we married and she took to the JWs like a duck to water. I dropped out. JW regs were too much for me and I decided to enjoy the life I had left and to die at Armageddon. What a wanker.

It has taken until now to realise how shonky it all was.

I am sure I could handle it if we were the only ones involved, but now that she is sucking another, really nice, young, confused, kid into it........

.......I just have to learn how to pull my head in.

Does it really matter?

This young, confused kid may find fulfillment also. Does it really matter who she finds that with?

Abaddon

Okay, let's ignore for a moment that, as cults go, JWs are "not that bad". The fact that, by their subtlety and innocuousness they can lull people into a false sense of security, as they are 'nice people' can be ignored for the moment as well.

Imagine that someone was investing in a pension plan, and that you KNOW this pension plan is going to leave them high and dry as it is a fraud.

You are in that situation.

You say;

"This young, confused kid may find fulfillment also. Does it really matter who she finds that with?"

Do I really have to answer that? Fulfillment? Yeah, the sort of fulfillment whereby if she gets suckered into it and wastes her life in it. I am sure that the Reverend Jones's followers had fulfillment, and the Heaven's Gate follwers, I'm sure they had it to.

Just 'cause the Witnesses don't usually kill you (although they'll stand by and let you bleed to death) doesn't mean they are not bad.

Now this doesn't mean you automatically should become a crusading knight and alienate your wife by being outspoken with your views; you're 50, you might feel it's easy just dealing with things they way they are, and that's okay. That's okay, that's your choice.

Now you're aware of the lie behind the truth I don't know if you'll really be able to sit there for the next twnty years smiling in the meetings; in fact, the very thought dwelled on will probably rot away inside you like a cancer it's so unappealing. But it's a new realistation to you; very few people here took the decision they took to leave the moment they began to realise, it's okay.

But I don't think it's your choice to decide that a young persons future be shrugged over as she'll be getting some form of 'fulfillment' in return for wasting her life in a cult.

I would look for a middle way; you want to avoid regretting standing by as the thought control techniques that mark JWs out as a cult wrap their way round this persons brain, as by the time you wish you'd done something, it might be too late for that person, and I guarantee you'll regeret not having tried sooner.

All the best in your journey.

lisavegas420

Black Sheep,

When reading your post two thought came to mind....

first... "When persons are in great danger from a source that they do not suspect or are being misled by those they consider their friends, is it an unkindness to warn them? They may prefer not to believe the warning. They may even resent it. But does that free one from the moral responsibility to give that warning?" - THE WATCHTOWER January 15,1974

second.....

My parent became Jehovah's Witnesses in the early 60's. They were young adults searching for a way of life. Someone to tell them how to live. Being that they lived in Sacramento California, they could have joined a number of religions or cults. I think things could have been alot worse, they could have joined, Peoples Temple, Branch Davidian, Unification Church and Symbionese Liberation Army, ect....

...I'm not much help am I. Nevermind

Lisa

qwerty

Black Sheep

My wife is still very much still involved with Jw's after I stopped going to the meetings 18 or more months ago. At first 2- 3 years ago when I started to see that it was not the "truth" I tried to help her see also! We went through some though times, marriage wise and I even wondered if I should leave her. Fortunately she can see that doctrines are not all black and white and even agrees on some topics (Shunning for instance, that is wrong).

Anyway to cut a long story short, she's an Adult and can make her own mind up what she wants to do with her life. She accepts that I will not ever go back and I have to accept that she wants to remain a Dubb for family and even enjoyment reasons. It's a good job we don't have kid's!

Now and again I remind her not to start any "Bible" studies and draw anyone else in to it. I would hate to think she could be teaching the "Dangling Carrot Doctrine" to anyone. Yes it as it's good point, reminding of morals etc, it's the subtle brainwashing that is wrong!

I hate to say this but, I guess there is not much you can do if she wants to teach the young kid how to walk in the WT doctrine.

Qwerty

JamesThomas

Does it really matter?

It sounds like the "kid" is not the only one who is confused. If you are not certain within yourself if it matters or not, then I suggest "keeping your mouth shut". j

garybuss

Does it really matter who she finds that with?

Look at her cold dead body in a casket after she refuses medical treatment and get back to me on that question then. GaryB

Black Sheep

Some interesting comments there, thanks.

BTW Abaddon, I haven't been to a meeting since 1976. Have been to the odd Memorial though.

Keeping my mouth shut seems to me to be the best option, at least for the present. I have sown seeds of doubt and will have to wait to see what happens. If anyone is in a position to help my wife's sheep, it is herself. If I tried, I doubt I would succeed and would become the enemy in the process, which would be counter-productive.

I also feel that if I try to be the Great J Dub Buster, I will be just the same as my zealot father, just playing for the other team. Not a nice thought.

I still haven't found out why her best friend dissed herself. She has spoken to her, but won't tell me anything apart from that she is the happiest she has been in years. I am sure I will find out through the grapevine. I am sure it came as a shock, I just hope she dissed because she had found out the truth and has been honest about that with my wife.

JT

"When persons are in great danger from a source that they do not suspect or are being misled by those they consider their friends, is it an unkindness to warn them? They may prefer not to believe the warning. They may even resent it. But does that free one from the moral responsibility to give that warning?" - THE WATCHTOWER January 15,1974

this pretty much sums it up as to what most former jw are attempting to do, is it not surreal how the above words apply 100% to wt once again we have seen how the writing dept puts out excellent articles, problem is NONE ARE TO BE APPLIED TO THEM how sad take your time black sheep don't force the issue just let the issue come to you- start building a new client of friends, some bowling buddies, fishing, or whatever your interest in LET HER SEE THAT THERE IS LIFE OUTSIDE OF WT they have been told all their lives that there is no life or happiness outside- it may make her stop and think, but if not it will have allowed you to grow into a bettter person/man- signed up for some college course, i highly recommend if you only take one class take a class on psychology- it will help you as a person put things into better persepective as to being involved with the jw

JT

Does it really matter who she finds that with?

Look at her cold dead body in a casket after she refuses medical treatment and get back to me on that question then. GaryB

excellent point many times folks will try to pretend like jw are just a wonderful little group with some weird teachings here and there- while in fact they like anyother group that takes complete control of your mind, feelings, thoughts and decision making is truly dangerous

jw are no harmless little group walking around proclaiming the world will end-

grat post

JT

BTW Abaddon, I haven't been to a meeting since 1976

Black sheep you know have before you the opportunity that you did not have in 1976- ihave met many jw who stopped back in the day and yet they have not been able to get on with thier lives, much like you-

the reason being they were not able to get the type of confirmation about jw that you and i can get today

i know folks who left years ago and always felt that something was wrong, just couldn't put thier finger on it- UNTIL THEY GOT ON THE NET

i often call this the ----------NET "Thang"

i highly encourage you to take full advantage of all the tools here on the net that many good men and women have spent long hours putting together so that folks like you and i could get a CLEAR UNDERSTANding OF WHAT THIS RELIGION IS ALL ABOUT

i posted my life exp about being a Society man and your comment was to the effect of 'Yarning"- i dont know if it was meant as a slice or a compliment- but i do know this

if i did not see and understand things despite all the information i had right in front of me, i know goodness well that many folks will not understand this religion-

it was not till i took a serious LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY mindset did it all start to make sense

i would like to welcome you to the board, based on the year 1976 it tells me that you are from OLD SCHOOL like many of us

so welcome

My wife finds fulfillment with the Dubbies

Share this