by jws 13 Replies latest jw friends
I guess I have to take offense too at your emphasis on that miserable clot of DNA being more important than spiritual reality. True parents are ones that nurture, rear and support you both physically and emotionally. It has nothing to do with DNA, in spite of what the contemporary courts decide.
Go with the nurturing and love over the chromosomes!
carmel
I guess I have to take offense too at your emphasis on that miserable clot of DNA being more important than spiritual reality. True parents are ones that nurture, rear and support you both physically and emotionally. It has nothing to do with DNA, in spite of what the contemporary courts decide.Go with the nurturing and love over the chromosomes!
You seem to think that nuturing and love can't go hand in hand with matching chromosomes. In case you haven't been following, we've narrowed it down to two couples, one from the adopted side of the family and one from the genetic side. Both are good choices, though each have pluses and minuses. Both are stable and would love and nuture.
Some people must have had bad experiences with their own families and wish they were adopted, as I get a definite vibe that some people seem prejudiced toward the adopted family. Based on no knowledge of either situation, they'd choose the adopted family over the genetic one, assuming it is better. That offends me.
I'm admittedly biased towards my side of the family, and my wife is biased towards hers. With that in mind, I think if I layed out all the pros and cons of each, you'd probably choose the genetic family as well. But the information I'd present is probably going to be skewed in favor of what I want, so you wouldn't be getting a balanced view.
And I don't think I'm choosing DNA exclusively. If there were no suitable couples in my family, I would not choose anyone in my family just to go with genetic relatives. I would go with the adopted family. But there is a good couple on each side. There are couples in my family we would not choose (like the JWs) or the immature ones. And there are couples in her adopted family we would not choose (like the one who does drugs, has several DUIs and is addicted to pain killers) or the ones whose marriages are breaking up.
I also get a sense that you are making your wifes family out to be less real then your own. Families come in many shapes these days. I also understand where you are coming from but please don't take your wifes sense of belonging away from her, where she came from is who she is. There are many families with 3 kids, 3 distinct personalities and both parents wonder who these aliens are so your wifes connection to her siblings can be very normal.
I say if both families are equal........flip a coin. As far as genetics and DNA goes your children have each other, in that sense they are a unit and together and more closely related then any other relative.
My raising was quite a mess and I was'nt sure who I was. My Granny raised me. I knew one side of my family (mothers) very well but did not know my fathers at all. Geneticly I was still a puzzle to me. I went to a family reunion and after years of not seeing a maternal aunt, the first thing out of her mouth was........"You look just like your Father". I thought I resembled my Mother. After I finally found my Dad (I was 40) I do look alot like him and I look just like his mother. I now know where alot of my personality comes from. The puzzle is complete now and I can go on with my life as me.
Being raised in genetics does not always solve the puzzle. I knew 1/2 of me very well.
It is unlikely that you yourselves will not raise your kids to adulthood and it is great that you can see ahead for them should the worst happen. Fine parents you are. If family history is important then make sure that if you are not there, your kids know where to find their history that is what is most important. Write about you and your wife who you two are. Take videos etc. Tell them who in the families is most like you and who is most like your wife. Leave them something of you. That is what they will want and cherish. Not your brother or her sister..........you and your wife.
Lastly you mentioned that you would not choose a family whos marriage was breaking up. There is no guarantee that who you pick will remain married. The stress of taking on anothers children could be too much in reality. Then what? Who would get the kids? Many adopted kids live in broken homes. Would your choices......as individuals be good parents? What if the other spouse won custody. Aren't we back where we started?
Little kids don't care about genetics, they care about LOVE. Teens don't care about genetics or LOVE, they care about their friends and themselves. So as long as your kids are loved when young and know where to find who they are when older then thats all that matters. Not genetics. As I said before if it's that close and you can't decide........flip a coin.
Just my opinion, Good Luck.
Who's winning? The Brother or the Sister? Just curious.
