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NinaCee

Hello, new here. I did not see a Newbs thread to introduce myself, so my apologies if I'm in the wrong place.

I was a 3rd generation born in witness for 30 years until I was disfellowshipped back in 2007 for making a mistake. My entire life up until that point was based on and circled around the society, and even though at first I really enjoyed my freedom (I still do), the fact is that I'm still struggling with cognitive dissonance, resentment, and loneliness.

I miss my family all the time. We were always together before I got kicked out. I had lots of friends and we were always doing things together. My family is Hispanic, and family is a HUGE deal to us.

I am now married to a nonbeliever who tries to be supportive. Unfortunately he has been a little possessive and has caused me to lose some of the friends I did make when I left. I count myself lucky to have him, but sometimes I resent him. Other friends I made since 2007 have simply stopped being friends with me for various reasons, usually involving their own possessive and jealous partners.

I have tried to go back to the organization several times. The problem is that when you read as much as I do, you invariably come across things that make you THINK, and then you see the the organization for what it really is.

Nowadays I feel like an orphan. I feel awful for saying that because I do have a teenage son who is still close to me (for now), and my husband and his family are great even though they are tRump supporters (that is another subject altogether) . But something is still missing. I don't even feel like I can have a personal connection with god because if Jehovah wants "his people" to behave the way they do, then I don't want to know or love Jehovah. In fact, I think he's a bit of an asshole. I'm sorry if that is offensive to some of you.

So having said all that... I'm not looking to focus on negativity... just looking to connect with others who can relate because well, like I said, I feel alone lol.

steve2

Welcome NinaCee. Leaving JW organization physically is the easy part; leaving it emotionally is very hard for many. That is true of any thing people have belonged to for a big part of their lives. The difficulty has nothing to do with whether or not the group or organization "is" the "truth" - although if people believe the group is "the truth" it will add another layer of difficulty in trying to leave it well behind.

You are discovering that the more you investigate the teachings and practices of JW organiization, the harder it is to "simply" go back. What it teaches just doesn't "add up" - and no one can force or compel themselves to believe something that's not right.

As for your partner's possessiveness: you say he's caused you to lose the few non-JW friendships you had. This is a different issue altogether. Friendships are vital for a healthy, happy life. Perhaps you are inclined to be a little on the unassertive, apologetic side - as evidenced by your frequent attempts to try to go back to JW organization. This could be the time in your life in which you do some work on yourself so that you learn who "you" are and what you believe rather than seeming to go through life trying to please others. Yes, it's hard when family and friends shun you. On the other hand, this is what happens in life sometimes: People part company and are forced to make their own way. It happens and the sooner you come to terms with the decisions you've made, the sooner you will be able to build a happier life for yourself.

Never stop learning and asking questions! This forum contains lots of helpful information and reflections on a huge range of topics common to those who have been - or still are - affiliated with JW organization.

blondie

Welcome, NinaCee. People here have a lot of different experiences in life, some with leaving the WTS I am third generation, my grandparents were Bible Students. We left completely 16 years ago, my husband and me. He had no jw background and I had already cut most ties. But I had to find a way in a non-jw life.

All is good now, I'm so glad I left, I wish I had done it sooner. But no tears over would have, should have.

Blondie

Darkknight757

Welcome. As Steve2 said, work on finding yourself now that you are free. It's not easy losing family to that organization, but find hobbies and activities that connect you with others. Personally we have found friendship with non-Jw family and a few groups/charities that we have joined.

Just as when you were in, keep reminding yourself as to why you left and why you would never go back. Make the "real truth your own" so to speak. This will keep you from falling back on old habits.

Most of all, live your life, take some risks. You only live once so make the best out of the time you have left.

LoveUniHateExams

Welcome, NinaCee.

I am now married to a nonbeliever who tries to be supportive - it's good that he tries to be supportive, perhaps not so good that he's a Trump supporter.

Nevertheless, a Trump supporter who is apparently supportive of, and loves, a Hispanic person. I'm guessing that all Trump supporters mustn't be labelled racist.

if Jehovah wants "his people" to behave the way they do, then I don't want to know or love Jehovah. In fact, I think he's a bit of an asshole. I'm sorry if that is offensive to some of you - no, that makes perfect sense to me, an agnostic. I'm sure this forum's many atheists will agree with this.

I hope you find your feet - you seem ok to me.

never a jw

I am Hispanic too. I know that Hispanics don't follow the shunning rules strictly. I know that relationships with the disfellowshipped cool down significantly, but never completely. Is that the case with you?.... that you still keep some minimum contact?

There's some great advice here. i am not the best in that regard. I just never lived the life of a JW, I just know it well as an observer.

I agree, the God of the Bible is an asshole, but studying the Bible in the proper context is a very interesting experience. Just in case you are interested, search Christina Hayes lectures of the old testament. Great professor.

Simon

Welcome to the site, any-subject area is fine for people saying "hello" :D

Unfortunately he has been a little possessive and has caused me to lose some of the friends I did make when I left

It sounds like you're describing jealousy so I'm assuming the friendships might be of the opposite sex - could this be todo with some insecurity on his part?

It's sometimes easy to forget (when we're focused on our own issues) that, well, everyone has them. Sometimes you need to look past the symptom and get to the root cause in order to understand the triggers and address them.

Nevertheless, a Trump supporter who is apparently supportive of, and loves, a Hispanic person. I'm guessing that all Trump supporters mustn't be labelled racist.

As an aside, I think the "everyone who voted Trump is a racist" mantra is one of the reasons the Dems lost (besides offering up the turd-sandwich candidate). It needs to be killed or they will continue to lose.

Onager

Welcome NinaCee!

If you're still struggling with Cognitive dissonance, then that must mean that part of you still believes there's some truth in the JW religion. Using resources like this forum and JWfacts.com should ease that dissonance as you'll find out that on every important point, they are completely wrong.

A possessive husband is whole nother ball of wax. You count yourself lucky to have him, but does he count himself lucky to have you? If he does then he should be prepared to be a little less possessive as it's harming your other friendships.

welcome again!

scratchme1010

So having said all that... I'm not looking to focus on negativity... just looking to connect with others who can relate because well, like I said, I feel alone lol.

Welcome to the forum (bienvenida). Sorry you're going through so much.

The only thing it occurs to me aside from the thoughts and suggestions that other have provided, is to seek help and support outside any spiritual setting. Mental health professionals help with cognitive dissonance, resentment, and loneliness, that is, those who are prepared or specialize in that area.

Maybe you haven't considered the alternative of seeking professional help because of the fear and neglect around it that the WT instill on people (they have no education, training nor interest in helping with any issue of mental health, self esteem, or mental well being, and they never admit that there are issues and problems that their magic Jehovah cannot address properly).

Then, I don't know if you're in the kind of Hispanic family that thinks that counseling or professional therapy means that "te has vuelto loca" and dismisses anything around seeking professional help. If you feel reluctant, please give it a chance, many of us have been able to move on properly and deal with the great changes and challenges imposed by getting disfellowshipped by obtaining this kind of support.

There are psychologists, counselors, social workers and support groups that specialize in the negative influence of groups and relationships like the JWs. I recommend these people who have a lot of experience in the matter and run a free support group.

http://www.blgoldberg.com/

I hope this helps.

Once again, welcome.

notalone

Dearest Ninacee,welcome and love sent your way. As a multi gen-er the ideas, the psychology of the org can become part of your DNA. As a women the way you see yourself, value yourself and interact with others has been scripted by the org. The measuring line to be a 'good' person has been set by a distant group that's main objective was to make you completely reliant on them. First, from my heart I want to say- they are liars! Don't value anything they taught.See it for the twisted manipulation it was. I was a 4th gen around 50. I had raised my children deep in the middle of it all. Then one day after I had physically left, this nice woman I know started to talk about 'grace'. Her heart was so moved as she spoke and yet mine was empty because I had no idea what 'grace' was. I had read the 'bible' cover to cover countless times. I had read the Aid book, the IT books twice and everything the society printed that I could get my hands on - and here I was standing there with no idea what 'grace' was. I am not 'undeserving of kindness'. I will never allow anyone else to ever tell me that again. It hit my heart that they offered no 'truth'. I boxed up all my publications, especially their bible and started my own path. Hear what others have to say but follow no one. Learn, heal and be open to the wonders that surround you, no matter how small.Witnesses put a wall between themselves and everyone else. We feel scared and guilty whenever we cross over that wall. If we have negative experiences when we do it only reinforces their narrative and makes us feel ' we got what we deserved'- NO! We are deserving of kindness. We deserve 'grace'. We deserve dignity. So to you I offer this- Breathe...Heal...Learn...Love...You deserve it.

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