Did you wait for something special to happen?

by stillin 14 Replies latest jw experiences

  • stillin

    I pretty much fell apart for about two years while I was looking at the religion through new eyes. I prayed my heart out for two years, begging Jehovah to clear a certain thing up that the elders and the Organization had perpetuated. This was supposed to be His spirit-led Organization so getting things right in answer to possibly just one person's heartfelt prayers should be an easy task for the Sovereign of the Universe. I could no longer in good conscience Witness to other people about what a wonderful thing that the worship of Jehovah is if He didn't even reply to a two-year-long prayer.

    It was like I had ignored road signs and I had driven miles and miles down the wrong road. I had to admit my error to myself. That was a biggie. I had to realize that even though some of the people in the religion are good people that didn't make them right about everything.

    But at least I know now. Better late than never.

  • blownaway

    There are some good people in the cult. Some ass holes also. To stay in the cult you have to ignore any logic. Do as you are told and keep your head down. Some never open their eyes. And some know damn well its a load of BS but love the attention they get by giving talks and being elders that they really don't care about it not being the truth. My Grandfather was one of these. He knew it was BS. He knew about 607 BCE, He knew about the changes, Pyramids and more. When I found out his answer to me in private was even if this is not the truth its a good way to live. I knew then my GF was a fraud. Never had much to do with him till he died. His ashes and my grandmothers ashes landed on my door step. [ When my GM died he buried her under a tree in his yard, He asked when he died if his Nephew would bury him next to her. He did. My cousin bought the property and was digging up trees and found the bags of ashes. Asked who was buried on the land. I told him what he had found. He sent them to me and I buried them both on my Great Grandmothers grave [on my grandmothers side] Bought a granite stone and poured a small concrete pad and placed it under my GGM stone. Technically not supposed to do that but its an old cemetery and it was better for me to have closure and it does not hurt anything I know of.

  • snugglebunny

    Not for me. I'd just gone along with it for most of my life, convinced it was the truth. When I realised it wasn't true I felt only a sense of relief and freedom. I didn't enjoy being a JW one little bit.

  • Giordano

    To believe as a JW you have to accept the death of innocents. Maybe even cause the death of Innocents re the Blood ban.

    You pray to god for your daily bread and your daily illusion.

    You must accept the Societies position that the world is a very bad place and only they have the cure.

    You know a JW by their disregard for anyone who is not a JW.

    You must be ready to shun a child or a parent at the command of the Society.

    Your obedience is not to god or his son but to the GB and their appointees.

  • stillin

    Back in the day when I would shun a DF'd person, it was more of a peer pressure thing. I didn't want to be CAUGHT breaking the rules. And besides, maybe being shunned was what that person needed to come back onto the road to life. Then, a friend, who has mental issues running through his family, was DF'd for thinking that he was anointed by HS. Instead of working with the guy through his episode, they tossed him to the curb. That was the end of my shunning somebody just because somebody said to. Screw that. His experience fits nicely with my OP. He was devastated! He prayed, he knows scripture and tried to reason with the elders. He trusted in Jehovah. He was never reinstated and he's better off for it.

    I'm just wondering about others' experience. Did you reach out to Jehovah for an honest solution? Something in accord with His will or actual truth? Then...nothing?

    The Witnesses are full of stories about answered prayers and things that helped them to know what to do. Me, I got nothing...

  • Whynot

    For years I told myself "wait on Jehovah." So many things didn't make any sense. I guess when a pimo told me about the Autralian Royal Comission and how one of the members of the governing body said that they are trying to fill the role of the faithful and discreet slave that...that just really pushed me in the direction I am now.

    So many things bothered me about the organization but I just overlooked it waiting upon Jehovah. I was already burdened with all these doubts so it didn't take much for me to finally say ENOUGH.

  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    Even tho I was tortured by the WT religion, I believed it was true. Just a truth I couldn't escape. Then my brother in law found out the hard way, that the WT doesn't give a crap about women or children in the organization. They told me. I researched the bible and compared to their literature. Found that they knew what they were teachings were lies. End of belief in that.

    Now I know that "God" as pictured in the bible or elsewhere, doesn't exist. Something/things/energy does exist, but pretty much is just a trouble maker.

    So I don't expect help from an outside source.

  • Finkelstein

    Ironically the WTS is led by the spirit of apostasy through corrupt literature charlatanism and the men who ran it were devoutly loyal to the organization and to themselves rather being loyal to god through scripture.

    The Watchtower Corporation , a story of American charlatanism

  • Magnum

    Yeah, and I'm still waiting. When I was in transition, thinking something was really wrong in JW land, but not yet fully awake, I stopped late at night at an interstate rest area on the way home from work to pray. I did this several times a week for many weeks. There was one really secluded area in a beautiful open field where I would go. It was really conducive to prayer.

    I literally begged, pleaded, implored for the truth. I asked whether JWs were "His" chosen people, whether He even had a chosen people, whether the Bible is what it's claimed to be, how He wants to be addressed, etc.. I even asked for some special sign. For example, I would look at a certain leaf on a tree and say something like, "If you hear me, please make that leaf fall off the tree.'

    I never received my special sign or any kind of obvious answer. I will say that after praying like that a few times, the scales fell off my eyes as to my view of JWdom, and I saw behind the curtain.

    Right now, all I know is that JWdom is not what I used to think it was. As to the issues of God, the Bible, religion, how we got here, how anything got here... I would describe myself as being open. I'm searching/seeking and open to truth - real truth. I hope I can find it.

    I do still pray fervently, but in my prayers, I readily admit that I don't even know how to address any higher being that might be hearing me, and I apologize for that.

    I still hope for my "something special to happen." To think that it's possible that we creatures on this rock orbiting the sun are alone, without some higher being(s) to finally come to our aid, is depressing to me.

  • Acluetofindtheuser

    I looked for answers many years ago and was ready to leave if no new substance came my way. I found something interesting along the way. This new fascination has kept me captive. I was driven to look beyond WT literature and view apostate sites and so here I am. My belief in the future world has changed somewhat from the JW system. I'm going to continue to stay low and ride out the wave.

    I'm not an Uber JW and never will be. I will cherish my independent thinking to the day I die.

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