DF'ing: The "Right Kind" Of Repentance. (page 2)

Maverick

The biased nature of the JC is its strongest element. They usually have their minds made up before they meet with the "erring one". Unless that person has an advocate, such as a parent or in-law who is prominent, they will be dealt with coldly. If a prominent person in the Hall has an issue with them, they may get the full wieght of the JC! If there is infighting within the Elder body, who knows what will happen! The brothers doing the judging are thinking about what everyone else will think and how everyone else will react. All in all the person being judged is the least important element in the whole affair! Maverick

gumby

The society assumes the role of god in saying a person who was "found out about" is not repentant.

They ASSUME, a person who was caught.....rather than willingly confessed.......is guilty. In reality....a person who is caught at something can be as sorry as a person who told on themselves. Many times it takes people getting caught......for them to realise how bad they are screwing up. Many criminals who have been caught have discontinued their crimes because of the realised consequences. It's ironic that the elders will believe a man who denies child molestation when there are not two witnesses to the matter........yet they will hold as suspect, a man crying over being "caught" at something. Now that's true unity.

Gumby

FlyingHighNow

it makes me so angry that I wasted 36 years of my life on this bullshit
Cas

Cas, you must be pretty newly out then. I feel for you.

On perceived repentance at JC meetings. Congregations differ so widely.

I moved from one pretty good and loving cong. where the elders were mostly kind and intelligent to one where there was mostly family and the people were very backward. Think small town in the Appalachians. There had been 33 disfellowshippings in the latter cong. since our arrival over a period of less than 3 years. We ran into a wonderful friend and elder from our former cong. at the summer convention. When we told him of the sheer number of dfings, he got this very troubled, deeply concerned and sad look on his face. Then he said, "I have been an elder in **** cong. for 13 years now. In all this time we have never had dissension among the body nor have we dfed anyone. Something isn't right in your cong. Are you doing okay there?"

The former cong. was a much more loving cong. The latter one they wouldn't send you a get well card unless you frequently pioneered.

Heather

Sassy

I know how you feel Cas, I am just out and feel like I wasted 40 yrs.. I'm very angry about losing so much of my life..

This is very true. A person may be repentant but they will still be disfellowshipped.

What kills me is that they always say they aren't in the business to kick people out, but keep people in, so if you are repentant you won't be dfd.. and when ever someone is dfd, the first thing members think "Oh, they must not have been repentant"...

Gadget

So instead of df'ing being a last resort like its supposed to be, its more a way of saying, 'I can't be bothered to put the effort into helping you, so we're going to df you so we can wash our hands of you'.

FlyingHighNow

So instead of df'ing being a last resort like its supposed to be, its more a way of saying, 'I can't be bothered to put the effort into helping you, so we're going to df you so we can wash our hands of you'.

Gadget,

I agree. If you love someone you will take the time to try to help them. If you are self concerned and self absorbed and lack love you will just cast someone off. "I can't be bothered with you." I can't imagine having to sit in on these JCs anyway. Who has the friggin' time anyway? Wouldn't the time be better spent helping and encouraging people? Seems to me it would be a lot less stressful. There is more joy in giving than in receiving after all. And wouldn't it be wonderful if you knew while you were giving that should you ever be the one in need, help would be there for you as well?

Heather

meliphar

Hello, all

My fiancee was JW and was DF'd and apparantly the feelings that go along with this are not isolated to her. From what she has told me, she first felt so alone and didn't know what to do. Her entire life had been centered around these beliefs and other people who shared them, so when she was DF'd, she lost all of her friends and even her family would not associate with her.

Years later, she is still affected by her experience and we've talked about it on several occassions. She pointed out to me that Matthew 18:15-17 is often used to explain the practice of DFing people. It says to treat non-repentant people as "pagans and tax collectors." But, obviously if one were to look more closely, this is a very thin argument for treating people the way they do. After all, how did Jesus treat pagans and tax collectors? Did he make them feel isolated, alone, guilty or worthless? In fact, didn't he hand-pick Matthew (a tax collector) to be one of his 12 chosen apostles?

To me, this is the most blatant of all of the mis-teachings that I've learned about. For those who have been hurt by this type of treatment, all I can recommend is to find a church family that exemplifies God's grace and teaches the orthodox principles of the true bible (which would not include the NWT).

Gadget

Welcome to the board meliphar.

Does your fiance read this board? She may find solice in some of the posts here, show that she's not alone. The biggest thing is showing the amount of control the leders have over you, you don't notice it when your in there, but once you get out it stands out so much. And they say one of the defining points of the tru religion is how much love they have amongst themselves, this proves it to me. I think everybody needs to find their own path after leaving th wtbts, some people find a christian group like you suggest, but a lot of people, including myself, are so effected by being forced to worship something that they find they cannot worship any god anymore.

BecauseImBroken

Today was my appeal meeting. It was about 20 minutes long. The decision was upheld. My JC meetings were in one state, and I live in another. So it's taken since January to get to this point I was treated as a "threat" to the congregation; or someone who has no concern for it at all. Yet, here I am making REPEATED trips (5 JC meetings in all) to meet with these men, confessing everything to them. My engagment recently ended due to all this JC business; and here I am now, heading back to my place of residence, where I now am alone with no family, and DF'ed, therefore no association with anyone in general. Just because my repentance wasn't to their liking, I am to be isolated (literally) from EVERYTHING? With the problems I am now facing due to my ex Fiance, I am now clinically depressed, and have severe hypertension; yet the only people who can offer up any help and a shoulder to cry on, I am no longer allowed to associate with? At least when Job lost everything it was Satan taking it from him.

What-A-Coincidence

welcome to jwd BecauseImBroken

i am sorry for all the mess you had to go through. please feel welcomed here on jwd, you have family here, we can grieve together

well job didn't have the internet like we do :-)

DF'ing: The "Right Kind" Of Repentance.

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