Privacy

by Esmeralda001 56 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  LongHairGal

  ESMERALDA:

  You ask: "Why a single woman is more under scrutiny in the JW religion; and if there is a way to keep them out of your business or will they find out anyway."

  In my opinion, a single woman is a sexual threat and not just in the JW religion either. That is just the way it IS and you have to deal with it.

  As far as keeping Witnesses out of your business: sooner or later everybody's general story will become known, even if you didn't bother much with anybody...It is the same everywhere, even on a job.

  However, there is a big difference between having your "general" story known versus answering intimate questions that are really nobody's business (such as your financial status or personal romantic questions).

  There is no getting away from this in the religion except limiting your contact with certain nosy people. Keep your lip buttoned at gatherings and limit alcohol intake as it is like "truth serum".

  In some instances, you WILL have to say "that is nobody's business" or "I don't discuss things like that" and turn away from the offending person.

  Don't be afraid of being vocal when it is necessary.

  And, by the way, the Witnesses will try to separate you from your family and non-Witness friends...Don't let this happen! You will reach a point where you will be grateful you can turn to them!
• 

  Esmeralda001

  @Silvia

  "An elder concealed me that I needed to start spending time with the friends"

  I think that I received the same counceal, but indirectly. And it came from a sister. She gave me an invitation and suggested that I should stop hanging out with my wordly friends and hAng out more with the friends. The truth of the matter is that, apart from my study conductoir, I don't feel too confortable with any of these people. I mean I don't have trouble socializing with them for one minute or two before And After each meeting. But it is beyond my capacity to hang out with them at social event. The idea of seeing them outside thd hall puts a great deal of pressur on my shoulders.

  what are the consequences of being labled "difficult"?

  i'm so grateful for this website, guys. It provides me with so much information on so many different topics. I can learn about the organization functionnement without being too involved! Thank you for that!!!!
• 

  Pete Zahut

  JW's are accustomed to approaching perfect strangers and asking them questions and talking about personal topics and they've been taught how to have the upper hand when doing so. Thankfully most of them know when and when not to however. As with anything, there'll be the occasional clod who won't know when to turn it off and now with facebook etc. some people think it's perfectly normal to make every detail of their lives public.
  

  When the questions first become inappropriate one can answer them jokingly with a laugh in your voice because touchy subjects are often best handled with a wink and a smile or even pure silliness rather than getting up on ones high horse. Either way, don't budge because for some people , being pushy works for them and giving them the answers they want validates their methods and makes them feel as if they have power over you.

  Saying something jokingly can often send the message that you like them but they can't just ask you any old question.
  

  a) You must have eaten a bowl of question marks for breakfast this morning (ha ha)

  b) Sounds like you're writing a book about me? You probably should leave that chapter out. (ha ha)

  c) Momma' told me not to talk about things like that with strangers. (ha ha)
  

  Hopefully they'll get the hint that you're finished providing them with information, if not you can step it up a notch yet still use humor.

  How much does a job like yours pay?
  

  a) (smiling) Really??? You want to know how much money I make...your kidding right??
  

  b) (smile and wink) Even my closest friends would think twice before asking me something like that.

  c) That's classified information, I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you. (wink wink)

  d) (smiling, head tilted, arms folded) So tell me....I'm curious...why would you possibly need to know that ?

  If all else fails, try and emergency change of subject.

  How much does your job pay?

  Not enough for someone as magnificent as myself (ha ha)....Can you believe how bad traffic has been lately?? My commute is a nightmare !
  

  
  
  
• 

  DarioKehl

  Let me guess:

  this happened in Maryland or virginia, didn't it?

  every JW I've ever met who asked nosy questions like that are from MD or VA.

  "How much do you make?"

  "What did you pay for your house/car?"

  shit like that...

  maryland.

  virginia.
• 

  Esmeralda001

  It happened in Europe (Paris, France) :-p
• 

  Simon

  Just say "wow, that's a very intrusive / inappropriate question - why are you asking me?"

  Don't feel uncomfortable for not answering, make them uncomfortable for asking.

  Count to 20 slowly in your head and don't feel the need to fill any silence. Most people will cave.
• 

  Billy the Ex-Bethelite

  I've met both JWs and nonJWs that ask a lot of questions like this that can be perceived as overly familiar. I don't take it personally or get offended. My parents would probably be considered by some as "heavy questioners", but it was part of their desire to be conversational. I've often encountered it differently with different cultures. Where my parents wouldn't inquire about "are you married/dating/seeing someone/interested in getting fixed up with someone I know", I've been around plenty of other cultures (including nonJWs) where this was their next question after my name.
  

  It kinda depends on my mood and whether I feel like engaging. If I'm really uncomfortable, I excuse myself for whatever reason, to go to the bathroom, or get something to drink, then not rejoin them. If I do feel like engaging, and I usually do, I make my answers sincere and interesting. I think that anyone who's read some of my many posts will understand that I never give one word answers... well, except for new members where I may just say "welcome".
  

  what are your parents names?

  Ask me that and I'll engage you in a conversation for several minutes about my family history and ethnicity. It's a conversation I've had many, many times. Then, it's polite to inquire about their family

  I dunno, maybe I've just been through all kinds of personal questions enough times that they just don't bother me that much.
  
• 

  Listener

  Esmerelda this may be the sort of questions JWs ask but I had no realization of this, I was born in. I think they are highly inappropriate and they have set of some alarm bells, even more so because you are a single woman.

  They were trying to work out your support network and I don't think I am exaggerating when I say that I think this is the very thing a pedo would do. Even if it is more innocent they want to work out how easy it is for them to draw you into the cult and make you feel dependant on them (the JWs).

  A lot of JWs are gossipers as well and don't expect that the information you give them will be kept to themselves.

  Steer clear of this couple.

  In a larger group I would normally suggest that you spend some time observing others and see how they interact with each other but it is different in the JW world because there are many who put on a fake front but typical of a cult.
• 

  paul from cleveland

  They probably were just trying to show interest and make conversation and be friendly. I meet people like this often. It has nothing to do with being a Witness. Blame Dale Carnegie. He wrote the book "How to Win Friends an Influence People" which basically taught people to feign interest in others to make friends and start conversation.

  What I do when I meet people like this, after answering a question or two, is say "Enough about me, tell me something about yourself" and just turn the conversation around.
• 

  Khaleesi

  Esmeralda: believe me they are digging for information of what you do on your spare time when your not at the hall or field service or jw activities especially as a single attractive woman sister in the hall, be prepared that most eyes will be on you. Unfortunately you will be a target that happened to me... many would say " oh what have you been upto" my response "not much enjoying t he weather & working" & then they would ask more questions but when I saw it coming I would shoot back with questions abt their family, kids, the school system etc.... when they ask you 1 question ask them questions & pay attention to what they are saying so u can ask more questions, then in those awkward moments look at the clock & say " oh I got to go I have plans" or my parents are waiting for me see ya.... jejeje