by My Name is of No Consequence 34 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
I so like your responses MYIONC! Your wife voices her concerns and you offer some kind of semi-JW friendly reply which doesn't exactly satisfy her because she's realizing all is not well within JWland. There will be a rocky path ahead for her and, by extension, you. As Ding said (above) understatement is best.
I know I don't need to advise you to be careful - your gentle, off-the-cuff rejoinders are lovely. But, as they say, fasten your seatbelt - it's going to be a bumpy evening.
Be prepared for a "relapse" after she attends a Circus Assm or any special event
THIS. Hopefully it won't happen, but it is a very real possibility. Some years ago when I was still vascilating pro/anti-JW in my head, I would try to engage my mother in conversations to make her think outside the JW box. She made significant progress. But then all it took was one convention for her to regress. The same thing would happen in smaller amounts from month to month, with the monthly broadcast being the instigator. JW propaganda is like a drug. Cold turkey is the only way to go for some folks. But I'm not being cynical, it sounds like your wife has already made great progress, just keep doing what you're doing. When you're loving and reasonable like that, and when you're not preaching to her and she's coming up with the answers herself, that gets great results 👍
Validate her questions, her intuition, and her feelings. It can be simple as, "I've wondered the same thing. What do you think?". Validate. Validate. Validate. The more people are able to trust themselves the quicker they are to wake up.
Della, that is it. You are exactly right, along with others here. I think that is the least damaging and kindest approach with an otherwise intelligent person who is giving out clues that they are waking up. It's also the least likely to get the validator into conflict with anyone or to ruin a fade.
The road to waking up is rarely straight with anyone it can be two steps forward one step back for quite some time. What confuses things is JWs are so trained at saying what they think you want to hear it can seem like they're agreeing with you but they're just "throwing you a bone" so your suspicion of her "playing you" is justified.
But, having said that I would be cautiously encouraged by this conversation if I were you. Good job.
It's looking hopeful MNionC! Reward your wife's new insights with something unrelated to religion.
@ sparrowdown:
It’s the strangest thing. Sometimes she'll talk about the very things that are wrong with the org (SHE can get borderline apostate sometimes). Other times, she doesn’t want to hear it. That’s why I’m taking the common sense approach. If she continues to talk about things that are clearly on her mind, then I will push it just a bit.
Great news...
Slowly, slowly, slowly....
Never swamp her with too much information, or in too eager a manner.
Even if she raises a topic, avoid the temptation to spew forth facts and logic and information.
If she raises something you already know about, say things like "oh that's interesting, thanks for sharing..."
Play the long game.
Trust me. I did that for many years. Now my wife (unstuck here on the forum) is 100% out and awake too!
My Name - I think what happens also is if a JW does have genuine doubts and questions at times and voices them the guilt will kick in later and cause them to clam up and chastise themselves internally with "I shouldn't be talking about this, it's bad" etc etc so their opinion seems to see-saw until a critical mass is reached.
All part of the process of waking up, a good sign.
