Dealing my own sexual abuse

by Valis 24 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  Valis

  Thank you all very much for your posts, PMs and phone calls. I have talked to my borther and sister about the subject and I recpnciled with them, but in the back of my mind I see the chain of abuse and yes as Dakota suggests, the buck stops here. The vehement rage is there, but it is waiting for the first pedo I get my hands on...*LOL* Anyway, one thing is none of the abusers got the chance to be confronted..so I guess my cousins, who I have lost contact with, never get to confront them, for better or for worse. My uncle died of a heart attack and my other male cousin died in a motorcycle accident. I almost feel sorry for them. Thanks again for listening and maybe my experience can be of benefit to other guys. Sometimes the hard wired machismo doesn't let us talk about things the way we should, but I'm trying. *LOL*

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
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  Big Tex

  Valis

  I'm not sure of all the details here, but here goes:

  You know my background, so let me say that there is a little bit of truth in everything in this thread. We all have desires, urges and impules that are not appropriate. Acting (or not) on them is indeed a choice. We are the sum total of our choices. As a child whatever you did was acting out. It is very common for children of abuse to mimic some behaviors. In my view that does not make you a pedophile. Lusting after children, or looking at a 10 year girl the same way other men look at Heidi Klumm, would be an indication of a problem. I don't see that in you. You're a good guy doing his best and sometimes you screw up. Kind of like the rest of us.

  However I do think it is your responsibilty to make peace with your siblings, and it sounds as if you have. So after that, call it all good and let the guilt go. By the way, I think confrontation is a bit overrated, and it's not required to heal from abuse. It's a hard thing to do, and if done too soon can traumatize the victim.

  Call me if you feel comfortable. I've been there and I know what it feels like, and if I can do anything to help, just let me know.

  Chris
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  beckyboop

  ((((((((((((((((((((((VALIS))))))))))))))))))))))))

  Kudos to you for first of all recognizing the abuse in your family, and more importantly being able to talk to others about it. It takes a lot of guts to talk about the "negative" things from our family histories, but it seems to me like that's the best way to keep the same shit from happening again. And there are many people here on jwd as well as all over the world who've had to deal with similar issues--hopefully the things said will continue to help you learn as well as help others too.

  It seems like most of us have had some form of child abuse in the past, but that more and more people are willing to make the effort to break the chains of abuse by talking about things openly and get help when needed. Thanks for sharing what's obviously a very painful subject--and please keep trying to get past the machismo because IMO you seem much better off without it.

  Becky
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  morrisamb

  Dear Valis, haven't been here in ages and it's amazing to find your heartfelt post. I can tell you that from my experience with pedophiles...the word is deny, deny, deny ...oh and pass the buck.

  Every post I've ever read from you has been thoughtful, honest, direct. You always are the first person to put out an encouraging word or set straight a wrong.

  I believe there is much more choice and intelligence behind the eyes of a molester than people give them credit for. Self-analysis is not big on a pervert's to do list.

  Good for you for reaching out and encouraging discussion amongst fellow survivors. Our individual histories are important and denying the truth of our individual pasts will not help us in making healthy decisions in the future.

  Take good care of yourself!
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  avishai

  ((((((Valis))))))) Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! It's tough to say something like that. I've had so many discussions, some on this board where people say females cannot be molesters. They can. Our society would look at a teenage boy messing with a 5-7 yr.old girl as horriffic. But many would look at the reverse situation as a rite of passage, sick as that is. That's why its so underreported by guys. It's much harder in our climate for a man to come out and say he's molested. You are a very strong man.