Giving Away the Family Dog

by imallgrowedup 26 Replies latest jw friends

imallgrowedup

Hi there!
I was wondering if anyone out there has ever needed to find a new home for a family pet, and if so, how they handled breaking the news to the kids. We got this dog when he was 13 weeks old and he is now 16 months old. In the short time we have had him, despite all the love and attention he receives, he has destroyed our home! As the Lord above is my witness, this dog has chewed the edge of the carpet away from the tile, (carpet, not throw rug!) which exposes the carpet tacks, which of course, I step on every time I walk down the hall. He has literally eaten an entire rose bush to a scrawny little nub to the ground, consumed three different house plants, ruined countless others, and has chewed various toys, shoes, and garments to unrecognizable shreds. Although he is house trained, he still "piddles" at the mere mention of his name so that the carpet that remains since his feast is now "baptized"! I go through a gallon of doggie odor remover every week! This neurotic dog has to GO! The problem, however, is that my 7-year-old son adores this dog. He is an only child, and considers this dog to be the "brother" he never had. I don't want to break his heart, but the damage this dog has caused is more than I can stand! All the training in the world has not made one iota of difference. I've tried "preparing" my son for the dog's departure by talking about getting it a new home, but he just breaks into tears and tells me how much he loves it! I hate to see my son so distraught, but the dog is definately going - and I'm not changing my mind. How do I break it to my son? Do I tell him the truth - that I gave away his "brother"? Do I make something up? Should I take my son with me when I take the dog to the lady who is adopting him? Or should I do it when he's not around?! Any suggestions?!
imallgrowedup (i think!)
SanFranciscoJim

Can you afford to send the dog to obedience school?
Odrade

Do what you have to do, then just tell your son. He is seven years old. He is old enough to know when something is not fair. He knows it is not fair for you to have this dog, improperly train him, then dump him when he becomes "neurotic."
This is my biggest pet peeve, no scratch that, serious issue. Take a trip through an animal shelter sometime. People get animals, then dump them when they are not cute anymore because they are too much trouble or are "bad". Give the dog to a good home, then do NOT get another.
Odrade
"There are no bad pets, only bad owners."
imallgrowedup

SFJ,
He's been in obedience school, but not the "bootcamp" type that it appears he needs. I looked into enrolling him for the sake of my son (and the dog!), but when I saw how pricey it is, I decided it just wasn't feasible. I can't see spending so much money on this dog, when I still haven't been able to replace the carpeting he continues to ruin! I truly thought this dog would grow out of his psychopathy, but he hasn't. I wrestle with my selfishness for wanting this dog out of my home at the expense of my son, but there just comes a time when we have to make difficult decisions. I've concluded that this is one of those times.
The only thing that relieves my conscious somewhat is that the very well-respected rescue organization I found has already found a good home for him where I know he will get lots of love and attention. (I don't know how valuable her carpet is or how many plants she considers expendable, but I gave full-disclosure on him, so the lady knows what she is getting into to.) It's just my son I worry about, and I am not sure whether I should level with him or not, and whether or not I should give him a chance to say "goodbye" to the dog. What do you think?
imallgrowedup
SanFranciscoJim

I'm not an expert on dogs, but it sounds to me like you have an "outdoors dog". Some dogs react badly to being indoors and tear everything up, acting like a caged zoo animal.
Do the people who want to adopt the dog have a large yard for the dog to play in? If so, by all means explain to your son that the dog, being an "outdoors dog" needs space that you cannot provide, and that is why it is behaving badly. Tell him that to keep the dog in an environment where he is unhappy is cruel to him. Your son will undoubtedly be upset, but he's young enough to get over it, if you handle the situation lovingly and try to explain it from the dog's viewpoint.
May I suggest fish? I love my tropical aquariums, and kids are fascinated by them. Also, fish won't destroy your carpeting.
Odrade

I truly thought this dog would grow out of his psychopathy, but he hasn't.

The dog is not a psychopath, he is untrained. There is a huge difference. No amount of classes or "doggy bootcamp" will work if you do not continue the training at home, and wait for the dog to outgrow puppy behavior while continuing training.
The only thing that relieves my conscious somewhat is that the very well-respected rescue organization I found has already found a good home for him where I know he will get lots of love and attention.
This is also unfair. Rescue agencies, especially "well-respected" private organizations are flooded with good dogs that have simply not been trained. Most of the time, they take these animals because the distraught (but ultimately irresponsible) owner tells them "You have to take my dog, he is ruining the house. If you don't take him I'll have to put him to sleep." These good hearted people take the animal into their already crowded operation, spend their time, energy and love, (and lots of money usually,) to train the dog and see that he gets a good home. All things the original owner should have done in the first place.
Pets are not a whim.
Think of what this incident teaches your son. Does it teach him to be loving and responsible? Do you think it enhances the value he places on life (even if it is "just a dog?)
Odrade
Odrade

SFJ, if your child tears up the house, do you assume he is an "outdoor child?" Any dog can be trained to have manners in the house. There is nothing wrong with having a dog inside or outside (if adequate shelter is provided,) but this is a training issue, not an "outdoor dog." At this point, "outdoor dog" would be just another excuse.
Odrade
edit to add: and please no offense Jim, but as an avid aquarist, tropical fish are another hobby that, done properly, is expensive and can be time consuming. Even goldfish can live for years, grow to 10" in length, and in order not to stunt growth, must have many gallons of water per fish, and large water changes each week to maintain health.
SanFranciscoJim

Odrade, as I said, I'm no expert on dogs. I was raised in a rural area and knew a lot of people with dogs. Those who had hyperactive dogs generally kept them outdoors. They seemed happier and less destructive in that environment. Perhaps they did not get the proper training as you suggest. People I knew who owned dogs with a milder disposition seemed to prefer to remain indoors. These are my observations only, but what I saw over the years seemed consistent.
As regards fish, no offense taken. I generally maintain 45-55 gallon aquariums. The initial setup and equipment can get expensive, that is true. I prefer fresh water tropicals. I have always had especially good success with giant gouramis (kissers). They are a low-maintenance fish, and unlike goldfish, do not emit a lot of ammonia into the water, and therefore do not need frequent water changes if one invests in a good filtration system.
imallgrowedup

Odrade,
I respect your opinion, although I have to tell you that I don't think it is fair to assume that everyone is a "bad" pet owner because their dog is neurotic. This is not my first dog - it is my fourth. I kept the first one until he was 17 years old, blind, and his fur was beginning to fall off. He definately was not cute and cuddly, but I kept him anyway. When I found out he had leukemia, I had him put down so he would not suffer. The second dog I had died of old age at 14 years old and I didn't give her away when she got fat and had cataracts in her eyes. The third dog I had, by far the dog I was closest to, died two years after the second, at the age of 11. He had cancer, and when I had him put down because he was in so much pain, I stayed in the room with the vet while she euthanized him. I put myself through the torture of watching him die so he wouldn't have to be alone when he left this world. As I write this, I am bawling my eyes out just thinking about it - I loved that dog more than I have ever loved most people. I got my current dog one week later - desperate to fill the void that the one I watched die left in my heart. When I got him, he was the last puppy left out of the litter, so I didn't really get to see him interact with anyone. When we got him home, the first thing he did was crawl under a plant cart in my family room and cower - as though I was going to beat him. His first puddle of piddle was left under that cart. It took us four months to potty train him - because just being in the room with him scared him to death. He was overly submissive the day we got him, and he is overly submissive now. I've gone through obedience school with him (just like the other three), and although he picked up a few things like "sit" and "stay", he never got past the piddling. Cutting his teeth on my carpet, my son's toys and shoes, and my plants - despite the plethora of toys he had and the love and attention he received, did not give me much motivation to spend another grand on him to see if maybe he would get some manners.
I may be guilty of taking a dog home whom I did not realize was BORN with some kind of a mental and/or emotional defect, but I am not the type of dog owner that only loves puppies and then leaves them in a field somewhere when the cuteness wears off. If I were, the dog would already be gone, and I wouldn't have wasted my time finding the right rescue shelter to make sure he was in an environment that was better suited for him.
Again, I respect your opinion, but I think perhaps you owe me an apology.
imallgrowedup
Odrade

A pet bought in haste is not an excuse. An excessively submissive dog can be desensitized. Excessive fear is a socialization issue and also a problem of discipline. You cannot use the "usual" methods on a fearful dog, but they can be trained.
You say you have had three dogs? How many have you trained from a puppy yourself? Some people do luck out with certain dogs who seem particularly people oriented. They have an easy time training the dog (or their parents seem to have an easy time training the dog.) Then they get a dog who doesn't practically train himself. This does not excuse their responsibility for dealing with the issues and training the dog that is in their care.
If a parent has four kids, and the first three are no trouble, very good kids, then the youngest comes along and is a handful... you see where I am going with this... is it okay for the parent to say "Well, the first three were really good, well-behaved kids. This one is already 9 years old, and so neurotic. It's clearly not my fault, the kid is a psychopath. I'm going to put him up for adoption." Of course not.
Cutting his teeth on your carpet and shoes, etc??? This is what dogs do. That is why people puppy proof their house. You don't leave your Lladro on the coffee table when your 11 month old is learning to walk. So why would you leave your possessions where the dog can get them, then blame the dog for cutting teeth on them. As far as the carpet... that's an easy answer. It's called a crate, or baby gates. Don't blame the dog.
Odrade

Giving Away the Family Dog

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