Some time back, when I was heading to work, a woman sat beside me in the subway car. After a few moments, she glared at me, and said, ? Can?t you move your knees closer together??? ? Being accustomed to hearing stupid, trivial complaints, my response was quick. I answered loud enough for other commuters to hear, ?I?m sorry, but I recently suffered an unfortunate accident that resulted in a painful swelling of the testicles. If I moved my knees closer together it would cause me excruciating pain.? Her response was to simply glare at me angrily, them she stormed off the train at the next stop as other passengers snickered. Then I get to work, and all day people call to complain about their stupid computers. No one ever calls to tell me that everything?s running fine. Then, in the evening I arrive home from work, and am subjected to another barrage of stupid complaints.
?Why are you twenty minutes late?? There was a jumper on the subway.
?Why did you hang the toilet paper THAT way?? Why not?
?Why did you squeeze the toothpaste THAT way?? To put it on my toothbrush.
?Why didn?t you check the mail?? I did ? there wasn?t any.
?Why did you hang your coat on THAT hanger, when you should hang it on THIS ONE?? Who cares?
Finally, I get my shoes off and sit down to dinner. I try to tune out and concentrate on my food with the background noise going on, and on, and on?
?You know, Martha is SUCH A BITCH!!! ? Blah, blah, blah??
?You know, Susie dyed her hair again, but she?s ugly either way! ? Blah, blah, blah??
?Did you hear Joanne?s husband can?t get it up anymore? ? Blah, blah, blah??
?You should come back to the Kingdom Hall! ? Blah, blah, blah?? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
?Why don?t you kiss me any more?? I can?t kiss lips that never have anything nice to say. I don?t work that way!
What is it with chronic complainers? Are they born this way? Is it genetic? Is it something in their food? Or is it behavior they learn somewhere along the line? Is this something a lobotomy might fix? I know it?s not gender specific, because I?ve met many men who do the same thing. Ok, yeah, I know. I?m doing it now too, but hell, I should get a turn too.
<end of bitch session>