am i overreacting?

by freeandcontent 37 Replies latest jw experiences

  • freeandcontent
    Hi, New here but have been lurking for a while. Some background first, I am from the UK, 3rd gen born in, dad, grandad elders etc. 17 years ago I left, no df or da just left, 18 years old and alone but I did it and have had no regrets. Fast forward to last year and I saw a story online about two people from my old congregation, one an elder, that had been convicted of child sex offences. The story had links to this site, silentlambs and many others. This started a journey for me as I had never really dealt with my jw upbringing. It had always been at the back of my mind but only my mother had kept in contact with me during my time out. Anyway today my mum came to visit as I have a 3 year old daughter, I had been making littlest one dinner and when I came back through they were watching Caleb and Sophia videos. My reaction was not good as I do not want my daughter exposed anything jw. As an adult I can handle the things my mum drops into conversations and change the subject. My question really is am I overreacting? Should I let my lo hear her grandmas point of view and as she gets older I can provide others views. My gut feeling is no and this will probably mean no more contact as they are a sneaky bunch and she will probably try to tell my lo stuff when I'm not there. Any thoughts appreciated.
  • stan livedeath
  • flipper


    I don't think you are overreacting. Indoctrinated jws have some twisted ideas about what is good for children.

    Perhaps this is an opportunity for your child to learn tolerance - in that there are people we care for that have nutty ideas. It's probably never a good idea to leave a small child alone with jw's for too long.

    Wish you the best. Mrs. Flipper

  • freddo

    Tough call. Welcome to the forum.

    Firstly as you describe yourself as "freeandcontent" is there any reason why you cannot tell your mum what you found wrong with the jw's? (As if two convicted paedo's in your old hall isn't enough!)

    Secondly once you have expressed yourself politely, kindly but firmly you can tell her that is why you don't want your 3 year old's head filled with ""die at Armageddon if she doesn't "love" Jehovah enough to get into paradise.""

    Your mother will deny that is what she will tell her but that is the fact of it isn't it?

  • steve2

    freeandcontent, you've hit the nail on the head!

    If your mother desires an honest, upfront relationship with you, it is reasonable for you to expect her to be honest with you.

    Would she like it if the scenario were reversed - that is, if you visited her and she was looking after minor children of JWs such as grandchildren and behind her back, you started sharing your nonJW beliefs with those children?

    No she wouldn't. She would find a way to communicate her strong disapproval. In fact, it could even be grounds for her severing contact with you unless you repented.

    So, you are not overreacting.

    Of course, the question is, how do you address this sort of thing with your mother?

    Why not think about the following, either in whole or part:

    1) thank her for her concern/interest

    2) express how much you appreciate she has kept in contact with you

    3) state you want her to first ask you before sharing her beliefs with your child

    4) and ask her to respect your views just like you are respecting hers.

    Express this to your mother in an optimstic, non-argumentative way.

    If your mother takes you to task and/or guilts you (as JW parents are inclined to do), become a gentle "stuck record":

    "I don't want to argue with you Mum, I am simply asking that you respect my wishes for my daughter".

    If your relationship with your mother is not based on mutual love and respect, I don't see your mother choosing to listen to you.

    However, if your relationship with her is based on mutual love and respect, your mother will listen.

  • freemindfade
  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once
    After 17 years they must be convinced you are not returning. The fact that YOU have not begun to teach your baby the JW garbage should be evidence enough of that. I can't see it being problematic to stress to her that YOU will teach her about Jehovah and not her grandmother or anyone else. Tell her honestly you don't approve of those hokey videos and not to show them to her. Keep it honest. Welcome by the way!
  • konceptual99

    Welcome. Another UK member!

    +1 to all the points above btw.

  • Je.suis.oisif
    Welcome. You would be justified in voicing how you want your child to be brought up. These Caleb & Sophia cultoons are sinister.
  • freeandcontent
    Thanks for your replies everyone. Over the years my mum has always left literature or dropped things into conversations but I have always been polite and just changed subjects. I guess the time has come to actually tell her what I think, in a calm way, then see where that goes. I have always kept the talk away from Jehovah's stuff as I guess I just wanted some small contact with my family. It's a shame as they are missing out on a seeing imo a lovely little girl growing up. It's a common story on here isn't it. Will let you all know how it goes. Thanks and I wish you all well.

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