Reflecting On The JW Version Of You
JW version of me... generally unhappy.
Current version of me... considerably happier.
Before I became a JW I was very, very close to Jehovah. I changed once I started following the organization. Even though I was born into it, my father never spoke about the Watchtower or GB. Our congregation was very loose too, like when it came to WT rules and policies. It was nice actually. But the CO and DO had to "fix" things. I didn't notice how much I changed until I was in my mid-twenties and I noticed that I felt myself being more faithful to an organization rather than Jehovah. I felt like I had lost my identity. Things started to come clear when I got separated from my husband. It was such a huge crisis. My husband was an elder and then suddenly he was DF and most people started shunning me as well. My eyes were open but I felt more lost than ever. That was 4 years ago and it has really shaped who I am now.
As of now:
I don't believe in ANY religion but I do believe in the Bible.
My relationship with Jehovah has been restored to how it was before being indoctrinated by the WT.
I feel more hopeful towards the future and less preocupied with rituals that please men.
I'm more open to all kinds of people without feeling paranoid of their bad influence.
I feel like i have a more authentic love for people in general and the desire to do community service.
Definitely more outspoken about my feminists beliefs I have always had but had to surpress.
My husband, still DF, isn't too comfortable with this new me. He actually wants to go back. I faded out these past 4 years and don't want to go back. My husband suffered greatly from spiritual abuse and I think he realky misses the comfort zone the congregation provided for him. (Sigh)