Reflecting On The JW Version Of You

by pale.emperor 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pale.emperor

    Lately i've been thinking over how far i've come over the last 2.5 years since leaving the cult. When i first left i remember not knowing who i really was and what my beliefs and values were. Previously my values and beliefs were dictated to me the the Governing Body in Watchtower magazines.

    I'm politically active, being a member of a political party and I'm even considering running in my local election in a few years.

    When it comes to religion, im an atheist who has little time for superstition and "God did it" answers to complex questions. I respect that people may have a religion, and that's fine, as long as their religion doesn't divide and subjugate a group of people.

    I'm a feminist. Yes, there are some fantastic teachers and educators out there who just so happen to have female genitalia. The Abrahamic religions in particular have delighted in keeping women down for too long.

    I dont believe marriage is necessary. We humans are animals. The idea of marrying your pet dog to next doors dog before they mate is a ridiculous notion. As is the human institution of marriage. As far as im concerned, the only reason i'd get married is for the party... but then you could just have the party and forgo the wedding.

    I think it's absolutely vital that we dont jump to conclusions in matters. Especially science/religion. Any statement presented to me as "lifesaving" or "the truth" needs to be backed up with evidence, research, experiments, results and the qualifications of those who made the statement.

    Looking back on the JW version of myself. I was stressed out, lonely, carrying a lot of guilt and had no time for hobbies or interests due to "theocratic" activities like ministry, study and meeting attendance. I had no platform to express doubts, no-one to confide in about how i felt about the organization and no real friends.

    For an JW lurkers, living life on your own terms is guilt free. I have zero guilt for anything that i do. And im a lot happier and stress free.

  • ttdtt

    Good topic. I will think about it and reply.

  • stuckinarut2

    Beautiful sentiments and comments Pale!

    I really relate to much of what you wrote! To compare the "me" of now to the "me" of the past is amazing. I see how narrow minded, judgemental and arrogant I was as a JW. (After all, I was privileged to know THE TRUTH, while the rest of the work was ignorant..).

    Now, I understand that I know very little. But I am absolutely enjoying learning more every day, and sharing this world with people of all sorts!

  • Fred Franztone
    Fred Franztone

    I'm pleased to say that there never was a JW version of myself. I was born-in and left when I was young, having never really believed or behaved as a JW

  • CitizenofEarth

    I remember my father once saying that "of course those who leave will feel better, because now Satan isn't bothering them". As Fred Franztone i never really had a jw personality either, unless you could consider my extremely guilt ridden (due to porn) and introverted 13-17 year old me as being jw. Now 19, i look back and see how i could never reconcile any of these doctrines, beliefs or interpretations we so often discuss with reality and common sense, which resulted in me being disfellowshipped for refusing to participate in shunning my best friends.

  • ttdtt

    Pale - I feel almost exactly like you in all your points.
    Politics, yes! Religion, no! Feminist, yes! Marriage, no unless you already committed!!
    Think before you jump, yes!

    The one place I think I differ is that I am not happy.
    I have made sure my kids are free of the cult, and there is no price I wasn't willing to pay for that.

    But there has been fallout (not DFing, im not - or the expected shunned anyway by people who I thought were friends) but other unexpected punch in the gut over and over again fallout that is killing me.

  • pale.emperor

    But there has been fallout (not DFing, im not - or the expected shunned anyway by people who I thought were friends) but other unexpected punch in the gut over and over again fallout that is killing me.

    I have my entire family shunning me and it sucks... but then i ask myself "would i want to have people around me who would drop me simply because i dont share their exact same thoughts about God?"

    I dont need negative people like that in my life. So as far as im concerned they're doing me a favour showing their true colours and removing themselves from my life.

    And they're missing out on a relationship with me. Because im fucking awesome.

  • Phizzy

    I have come so far after ten years out that it is as though I never was a JW. I am proud to say that I am a much better, much nicer person than I was as a JW.

    My Moral Standards are way higher then theirs, I have more empathy and compassion for all people, and I contribute more to Society.

    I am happy in my own skin, and happy with what I judge to be the right way to live my life.

    I need no Dot Org to tell me how to live, because I am no longer an arsehole.

    I cringe at some of the attitudes and beliefs, along with emotions, that I had as a JW.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I dont believe marriage is necessary.

    Not sure I agree with that in its entirety. I don't believe it is necessary before two consenting adults can share in whatever intimacies they care to share. But there are legal issues that can be a problem without the marriage "contract", esp pertaining children and assets. JMHO.

  • Freedom rocks
    Freedom rocks
    • I agree with desirousofchange on that point. I think You have to be 1000% and know the person really well though coz divorce is just as complicated which I'm finding out right now.

Share this