How could i have ever let myself get involved with this cult? pains me when i think about it.
i hate my wife for what she has become. when she is her authentic self, i love her with every once of energy, every breath. when she is in cult mode. i loath her. i want my wife back, i want my family back...i want time back,
I can so relate to what you wrote there. I would never have married my husband if he had been in his cult mode when we dated. When we dated I thought he cared about me and my feelings and wants, etc. That we could be a couple, a team in marriage. I bought into the JW'sm but I put my family first and the religion second.
As soon as we got married he was all cult mode, 'you should have never married an elder if you did't want to live this way' was what he told me.
I just never had any clue or indication that being married to an elder meant that I was second at best most of the time third or fourth or firth when it came to the religion. There was just no way for me to know it. Even now looking back I still do not think I could have predicted it.
I just feel so much like I wasted my life, so I totally get where you are coming from I am so sorry. It is the worst feeling.
hi cappytan, my kids are 17 and 12...they both hate going to the meeting and know it b..s.
it won't be long before our older son says no more.
and i will support him. both of them
Hold off leaving the marriage until your kids are grown if you can bear it. Hard won experience with relatives (not JW) have shown me that leaving a marriage when kids are minors is truly tragic when there is no abuse (physical or emotional) going on. If it is truly unbearable, just be aware of the consequences-they can be as unbearable as you might think the situation now is.
Hang in there! It will get better. I know because I am going through a similar situation with my parents shunning me.
Maybe it's time to mention to the kids that attending the meetings is "their choice".
They may quit right after you enlighten them on this reality.
They lure you in ever so softly, as if with hypnosis; by the time one realizes it, trapped, it is too late.
Then, being the born-in type, the indoctrination runs so very deep that is nearly impossible to scape without being all screwed up emotionally. A mess, indeed.
There was this person in my cong that seemed poised to become a JW, ready for baptism; then disappeared without a trace or cause. Recently, I saw her out and about and she seemed fine, so happy. I am so glad that she woke up in time.
The few hours I devote to service, are done in a way as to not recruit a single soul. There sincerely is no true joy in the JW lifestyle.
Make sure your daughter (as your son seems to be able to resist the JW world) knows that she does not have to attend every meeting, that she can have decent 'worldly' friends. Take part in after school activities, sports etc, and celebrate her birthday as her special day.
That getting baptized is far in the future if ever.......... remind her and your wife that Jesus wasn't Baptized until he was 30.
Your wife needs to understand that she is basically on her own being a JW. And that whatever you discuss privately stays private she is never to discuss anything related to your marriage with any Elder or CO etc.
Feel so bad for people in your horrible situation, just remember that she is a robot. Once your out its sooooooo easy to see all the wrong, horrible things this cult brings....but when your in you are blinded. Be patient with her, and if not having any spiritual conversations with her is the best way to go because one or both of you get too heated then so be it. I wrote an article recently explain how my husband got me to see ttatt and one of the things I wrote was never putting org down in any way because the org IS jehovah. Well now as I try to explain my reasons to other family members I realize how hard it is to not do so! I don't know how my husband had so much patience with me. Anyways hang in there and don't let this cult tear your family apart. She has to see the light in her own time, in the meantime don't let that ruin your life....waiting for it....it's going to drive you crazy! Just live life every day and enjoy your family and agree to disagree.