I´m 15 and want to break free

konemy

Hello,

I´m a 15 year old girl and I was brought up a JW. I never really liked the meetings and stuff, but when I was about 10 I decided to become an unbaptized publisher. My father is an elder.

I hate the religion now, I feel like it´s stealing my youth. I want to have a life too. I avoid the meetings as much as possible, I haven´t gone door to door for months, I only have "worldly" friends, I secretly celebrated Christmas and got presents for them and I´m probably kinda gay.

I don´t believe in a god, but it doesn´t mean I want to start smoking, do drugs or get pregnant, but my parents apparently can´t imagine a different scenario. (Guess I´m nothing, it´s just the JW teachings that´s keeping me alive! Haha.) They know that I don´t want to participate in any JW activities, but they say they´re responsible for me until I´m 18 and it´d wrong for them not to teach their believes to me. (Like what? I KNOW now that I´ll never be "a witness". Nothing will change the day I reach adulthood...)

In my country there´s a tradition of celebrating Walpurgis Night (I live in Czech Republic) and my class is responsible for an event taking place in my town. I´m supposed to be in a "potion stand" and sell colorful drinks to kids, lol. It´s no big deal, now is it? However my parents say it´s a satanistic things and if I go there, I have to tell the elders I´m not an unbaptized publisher anymore. Which is awkward, because of course they´d announce such a thing publically! And my dad couldn´t be an elder anymore. And they´d still force me to attend the meetings, I know that.

I don´t want to disappoint anyone though. Nobody in school will believe me if I call in sick (Monday and Tuesday, since the event is Tuesday evening and Wednesday is free), they´ll know I wanna avoid the celebrations. They won´t know why because I never said I had anything to do with the JW´s. (Maybe back in 6th grade... nobody remembers.)

I´m not gonna skip school for no reason, so I guess I´ll got to the Walpurgis Night and quit being a publisher (not like I "publish", anyway.) But my parents won´t be happy about that at all.

This is so unfair.

stillMS

Hi, konemy !

I feel sorry for you. Quite awkwardly, I had a similar situation in my teens - but in 'reverse mode': I wanted to be a JW, and my parents were against it :)

Whatever you choose to do in your situation, think about your own interests/benefit first. There's no way you can avoid disappointing someone.

Given your age, there are still things you can't solve on your own, and you'll most probably need to wait for some time until being completely free from the religion influence in your life. In any case, there are 2 evident options I see in your situation: living a 'double life' (as Jdubs call it) or being honest with your parents about your feelings/beliefs, and letting them decide how to handle this situation (if you're not baptized, it's actually not that bad of a situation, BTW).

Giordano

Hi Konemy and Welcome!

Up to a certain point obedience is the 'Rent' you pay. You have a roof over your head, food, etc. After you leave your parents home you begin paying for those things out of your own pocket. So think about the balance involved. You do as little as you can re the religion but honor those rules that you must.

Your father is an Elder which makes things more difficult for you. Unfortunately an Elder is judged by how well they function as the head of their family. So what is insignificant to you can have a real impact on your father's position in the congregation. I am not saying it's right........ I am saying it is what it is.

A JW, like many others in a high control organisation know themselves by how others refer to them. Their reputation is the only coin they get being an Elder, a MS or a pioneer.

SillMS.............. is speaking wisdom to you. Talk it out with your Dad....... is there something else out of sight,,,,,,,,, you can help with during this event? A JW that works for a Company avoids being a part of the annual Christmas celebration but if needed to help clean up afterwards there is no conflict.

So is there another job associated with this holiday event that you can help with behind the scene so to speak?

If you call in sick can you be replaced?

The JW religion is quirky as hell. Throwing rice at a wedding is pagan. A wedding ring which dates back to pagans is not. Being a drunk is a serious offense almost as serious as being seen smoking a cigarette lol. Being grossly overweight is not........ even though the bible says gluttony is a sin and it never mentions smoking.

The JW's are all over the place with their rules and regulations. They often go beyond scripture. Fortunately for you you have seen the truth about the truth.

Right now your truth is how you are going to deal with the next three years. Your education, mental and physical health, your relationship with friends in and out of the congregation. You have to bide your time and 'pay' the rent as needed.

Avoid being baptized. Always tell your parents your not ready to sign a life long contract. Do the minimum you can get away with re this religion.

Do not expose your feelings and thoughts in person or on Facebook or other social sites and delete anything on your computer that can expose you. Make sure you safeguard your privacy. Close believing family members will expose you....because they have to.

LoveUniHateExams

Hi Konemy, welcome to the forum.

I'm sure you'll get good advice from wiser heads but I will say this:

Whatever you do, don't get baptised!

oh, and this:

Consider what career you want in the future. Think about college or university, studying what you enjoy and what you're good at.

ZindagiNaMilegiDobaara

By getting baptised you will be signing the dotted line for your life taken away from you ! Dont do it !

You are not old enough to make that decision yet! If you are considered ...........

Too young to leave school

Too young to drive

Too young to cross the street alone or go to the store

Too young to get a proper job

Too young to marry

Too young to legally have sex

Too young to have a medical procedure without parental approval

Too young to legally get a tattoo

Too young to fill a vehicle gas tank

Too young to buy tobacco

Too young to buy and consume alcohol

Too young to open a credit card account

Too young to vote

Etc... how can you be ready to make this life changing decision??

Zing

days of future passed

Yes, thinking about the future would be good. If your parents are firmly in the JW religion, if they know you aren't going to be a JW, they just might kick you out of the house at 18. So if further education is possible, go for it. A job in the summer is a start to get you used to dealing with finances.

If going to this event will cause your father to lose his position, that might make it a lot more difficult for you in the future regarding education etc.

Hope it turns out ok with you. Glad that at least you won't waste your life in this religion. Three more years, tho it seems long to you, is a time that you can use to plan for the rest of your life out of it.

Wasanelder Once

It's been years so I'm not current but if I remember right they no longer announce a person as "no longer an un-baptized" publisher. They sort of let it fade. Anyone up to date on that one?

ZindagiNaMilegiDobaara

@Wasanelder...

Yes they still do announce un-baptised publisher. Where I am at it is still the norm.

Zing

Diogenesister

Ok. The last thing you want to do is upset your dad to the point he loses his elder position. So we need to use a bit of theocratic warfare, just like Watchtower and JWs do....bend the truth when it suits their purposes.

Is there any way at all you can help out behind the scenes ie. do something not very public, yet take part. So perhaps arrange the stall before the public arrives. Move boxes and drinks before the public arrives, or offer to do all the cleaning up after the event. That way you don’t disappoint your class mates but you can honestly say to your father you didn’t publicly take part or sell the drinks.

on .the other hand you can just be honest with your class mates and tell them the truth, you are forced to not celebrate and you are not free until you are 18. Surely they can understand that? Tell them it’s a cult, and your parents are brainwashed. Ask if you can help in a non public way. Explain your dad will loose his position as a pastor...they will understand that. AND you can give a great UN-Witness!!

Diogenesister

Oh and pick your fights with your parents wisely if you don’t want to loose them. This isn’t so important it’s worth getting yourself kicked out over at 18.

I´m 15 and want to break free

Hi, konemy !

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