Need some advice, my gf just tried to commit suicide (very long post)

by Jayk 16 Replies latest social relationships

  • Jayk
    Jayk

    Sorry for the grammar and spelling errors if any..(me 29 raised in the org) (gf 25 not raised) just left her at the hospital with (call her sara).. Sara had just ingested half a bottle of her antidepressant pill and half a bottle of melatonin. This took place after a discussion we where having about a recent event that took place. Long story short, sara told me she slept with my best friend/coworker(call him Tim) after a argument we had, the morning after it supposedly happened.. I was pretty torn but I was maintaining and I even thought Sara was lying because Tim was such a good friend. Tim had been out of the country for over a week since she mentioned it. But I finally got a chance to ask him tonight. He denied it ever happened and seem very concerned for our friendship that he would never betray that. For a while I felt Sara could have been lying, just using it as a excuse to move out of our place but she still wanted to make things work just not live together. I decided to bring it up one last time and give Sara a chance to tell me if she was lying. Sara got very defensive fast. I never even got a chance to tell Sara what Tim said I just told Sara that Tim's version was a bit different. She lunged at me then spit in my face. Everything after happened very fast but her mom was already on the way over and Sara knew that. Sara came into my bedroom (we had separate rooms the whole time we lived together) and proceed to tell me "I just ate a bunch of pill you better call the ambulance". I called her mom immediately told her to meet me at the hospital. Literally as I'm doing that Sara is swallowing another mouth full of pills and I'm gagging on the phone as I'm telling her mom what Sara is doing. On the car ride to the hospital I had my arm wrapped around Sara's because she asked me (would you be mad if I jumped out of the car) multiple times. Sara proceeds to blame Tim for her taking the pills and hopefully he can live with himself.. Get her to the emergency room, Sara's mom shows up pretty fast after and that's when I left. In tears I told Sara's mom "I have to go I'm srry about this" didnt even say bye to Sara, just walked out....Probably wont have much contact if any.. very sad way to end a relationship. To anyone else who have been thru this how did you cope afterwards. I could really use some advice before I go to my family and tell them what has happened.. no one in my family has met her.. we only been together for 5-6 month...

  • skin
    skin

    It's a scarey thought, but it is truly concerning the high number of both successful and unsuccessful JW suicides I have heard about or have know personally over the 30 years I've been trapped involved with this religion.

  • slimboyfat
    slimboyfat

    Run and don’t look back!

  • blondie
    blondie

    Jayk

    From what you have said only, I do think she needs caring, qualified professional help. There is lot going on with Sara that we can't know here. But I say everything has been a call for help. This may be the only way she can express it, her need for closeness but fear of it.

    It sounds like some things have been identified by a doctor in regard to Sara, the availability of antidepressants and melatonin. The fact that she promptly told you she had taken the pills and told you to call for medical help and/or take her to a hospital that the suicide attempt was more a call for help, but still serious. I would guess that her family may be already aware of her feelings and possible previous actions.

    I would say at this time, I don't know what to say about what you can or should do, not enough info for me to be able to do so even if I were a psychologist/therapist. If it were me, I might consider sending a short letter to her parents if you feel you have things hanging and they may come back to you later but I know I would find it hard to do so at this point.

    But I agree, it is time to step back and regroup yourself. You might even find someone who can listen to you and your feelings (we listen here, most without judgment).

    From my distant point, I can still feel your pain, I have been there in so many ways.

    Love, Blondie

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    I don't know her. I don't know you. We are not professionals though many have experienced similar things. One thing we know is that she needs her family and a therapist. Don't take it personally, I know that much. Mental illness needs the healing touch of a professional.

  • Jayk
    Jayk
    Pretty much you're all hitting the nail on the head. She needs professional help clearly. Saras mom pretty much had told me she had been dealing with this for the last 10 years. Last night was the last straw. The break up is one thing but what I had to deal with last night no one should have to deal with. Luckily I was in contact with Sara's mother the whole time telling her to come over because of how Sara was acting.
  • Sea Breeze
    Sea Breeze

    Many if not most JW's who were raised in the "truth" have no idea what love is because of the mechanical character of relationships in the JW family and at the KH. As a result, after they leave many get involved in abusive relationships that lack mature love based on respect because it doesn't feel foreign to them.

    You are likely co-dependent, which is described as sacrificing (a very large portion) of your quality of life for that of another. Leading up to this event, you likely saw many things this girl displayed that were troublesome, but ignored it....just as you were trained to do to try and preserve relationships in the cult.

    You should seek help yourself and learn to make choices based on truth, reality & goals and not feelings.

    Sorry if this sounds "preachy". Its just my take.



  • Jayk
    Jayk

    You're very right with everything you're saying Sea Breeze. My life since I left the ORG at 16 hasnt been easy. Confusing sex with love has been my problem. Then pursing toxic relationships because I hate failure but want to try and make it work. It's not preachy it's pretty solid and easy to understand advice. I'm pretty confident I'll be able to get over it myself.

  • Incognigo Montoya
    Incognigo Montoya

    So, what about your friend? Is that still up in the air, or do you have a definitive answer as to what she told you?

    What you witnessed in this situation, actually were a part of, is scary and overwhelming. You most definitely should talk to a professional about it, and seek some help, answers, and perhaps closure, for yourself. If you don't, you're likely to continue to mentally re-live this for quite some time, and this can take a toll on you. I have experienced something very similar, having to rush a loved one, very dear to me, to an emergency room, after she ingested an overdose of pills, in a desperate call for help. It is scary, and I was helpless to do anything, which to me, as a man, is a foreign concept that I have a difficult time accepting. But I needed answers. The answers, from a professional, and patience, helped. I hope you seek help from a professional, someone you can give all the details to, and who can safely help you decipher them, and get you to a place where you can move forward to more healthy relationships. My heart goes out to you, and to Sara. Take care.

  • Anony Mous
    Anony Mous

    If you care about the person, get her professional help. This (if the story is correct) was an attempted suicide but done in a way to look for attention, a way out of a sticky situation and/or for revenge/punishment (a professional can figure out what's going on in her head, we can't from this story alone).

    On the other hand, I would not suggest any type of deep relationship with this person right now since they (and presumably you neither) don't have their own life in order.

    On your end, reflect on what you want out of life and how you can put yourself in a better situation to help others in your family and subsequently your community. But until you have things figured out for yourself who you are going to be, it's going to be hard to help others, especially in any type of a committed relationship and especially people that will need both internal and external help and support.

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