Here's a list of biblical contradictions that I made up.
A Most Evil and Stupid Book
The
Moral Depravity, Absurdities
and
Contradictions of the Bible
OLD
TESTAMENT (Jewish Bible)
1.
Will the real Ten Commandments
please stand up? Two different versions of the Ten Commandments that contradict
each other: Exodus
20:1-17 compare to Exodus
34:1-27.
2.
How the former slaves of Israel
treated their own slaves:
Ø
Non-Israelites could be taken as slaves
for life and their children passed off as an inheritance: Leviticus
25:44-46 compare to Leviticus
19:33-34 where it says the exact opposite.
Ø
A Hebrew slave was obligated for only
six years of slavery but had to leave behind the wife his master gave him along
with his children: Exodus
21:2-6.
Ø
A master was allowed to savagely beat
his slave so long as he or she did not die within a day or two: Exodus
21:20-21 compare
to Exodus
2:11-12.
Ø
If a slave had an eye blinded by his
master he was to be set free but his master was not blinded in punishment
according to the rule of an ‘eye for an eye’ that applied to other people
guilty of the same crime: Exodus
21:26-27 compare to Leviticus
24:19-21.
3.
Exterminate thy neighbors:
Ø
All of them some of the time: Deuteronomy 3:1-6.
Ø
Men only at other times. Women and children
are plunder: Deuteronomy
20:10-18.
Ø
Everyone except virgin girls when the
mood strikes: Numbers 31:17-18.
Ø
Take captive brides after killing their
mother and father: Deuteronomy
21:10-14.
4.
How the Israelites treated
their ladies:
Ø
If a single woman was raped, her rapist
was punished by being forced to marry her, never divorce her and paying a fine
to her father: Deuteronomy 22:28-29.
Ø
Women got their hands cut off for defending their husbands if they yanked
his attacker's testicles: Deuteronomy 25:11-12.
Ø
If an engaged or married woman was
raped she was to be executed if she failed to scream: Deuteronomy 22:23-24.
Ø
A woman had to prove her virginity or
be stoned to death: Deuteronomy.
22:13-21.
Ø
A man could sell his daughter into
permanent slavery: Exodus
21:7-11.
5.
God had someone killed for gathering
firewood on a Saturday: Numbers
15:32-36.
6.
God cannot see well: Genesis 18:20-21; Deuteronomy 23:12-14.
7.
God has a lot of trouble
counting:
Ø
King David kills 700 charioteers and
40,000 horsemen or is it 7,000 charioteers and 40,000 foot soldiers? 2 Samuel 10:18 compare to 1 Chronicles 19:18.
Ø
King David kills 18,000 Edomites, or is
it 12,000? 1 Chronicles 18:12 compare to Psalms 60 chapter title.
Ø
King Solomon’s slave supervisors
numbered 550 or 250? 1 Kings 9:20-23 compare to 2 Chronicles 8:7-10.
Ø
A talent for exaggeration (Hint: A
talent equals 75 lbs): 1 Chronicles 22:14.
8.
God Unmighty! God miraculously
saved the Israelites from Pharaoh’s chariots Exodus
14:23-25 but later he could not handle another nation’s chariots Judges
1:19.
NEW
TESTAMENT (Christian Bible)
1.
Jesus miraculously heals
muteness, blindness and curved spines by exorcising demons.
Ø
He makes blind and mute people see and
talk by exorcising demons that possessed them: Matthew
12:22 and Luke
11:14.
Ø
Jesus casts out demons that were responsible for a woman being a hunchback: Luke
13:10-13, 16.
2.
Jesus curses a fig tree for not
having fruit out of season: Mark
11:12-21; Matthew
21:18-20.
3.
Jesus curses entire towns for
not being impressed by his miracles but later asks God to forgive his murderers:
Matthew
11:20-24 compare to Luke
23:34.
4.
John the Baptist recognizes
Jesus then later forgets who he is: John
1:29-34 compared to Matthew
11:2-3.
5.
False prophesies of Jesus and
his followers:
Ø
The Messiah (“Son of Man”) will come
before his disciples finish preaching in Israel. Matthew
10:21-23.
Ø
Jesus will be back before some
disciples die but later claims he said something else. Matthew
16:28 compare to John
21:21-23.
6.
The crucifixion. Two tales of
two thieves: Matthew
27:38-44 and Mark
15:27-32 compared to Luke
23:39-43.
7.
Jesus blesses the “peacemakers”
but later says that he came not to bring peace to the earth but “a sword” by
dividing families: Matthew
5:9 compare to Matthew
10:34.
8.
Christian view on women:
Ø
Women should shut up in church: 1
Corinthians 14:34-35.
Ø
Women should wear a head covering on
their heads in church: 1
Corinthians 11:3-6.
Ø
Women should not teach men: 1
Timothy 2:11-15.
9.
Christian view on slavery: 1
Peter 2:18-20.
10. Disappearing
verses: John
7:53-8:11.
11. Multiple
endings for Jesus’ departure: Mark
16:9-19.
