Just a peasant...(long post)

by Oracle 10 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Oracle

    Forgive my English..its not my first language....

    It was a cloudy afternoon as I was on my way to the hall. As a MS meeting with 2 elders. It was no training, no encouragement. It was the moment that would change everything for me.

    But first my background. Being raised in the truth it was all perfect. I knew who God was and what He had done for us. Even better, what He will do for us. I remember praying as a 10 year old kid before I would sleep, O Jehovah please may the earth be a paradise when I wake up...But of course, no prayer answered that night. Yet I carried on. If I was only as strong as my mind told me back then. "Once you reach the age of 16...you will be out". But plot twist, by a set of unexpected events I got baptized at that exact age, knowing for sure that Jehovah has drawn me. Even though I had led a double life before my baptism, I was sure that I was called to be part of something bigger.

    I decided that in order to fulfill my dedication I should give up my desires with regard to this "futile" life. No higher education, no worldly (girl)friends. Time to become pure and be ready for that o-so-close day! I remember after the 2006 Deliverance at Hand convention to work with a pioneer and contemplating how this "system" wouldn't last a few years longer...#2019

    After finishing my school I became a regular pioneer, determined that this would be my life from now on. I cannot lie, I did had a great time working with many friends, developing "long-lasting" friendships, yeah that is over now.

    I served where the need was greater traveling to distant lands(literally), gave public talks at my assignments as well as at home. Worked closely with missionaries and special pioneers. It was indeed a wonderful experience all the way! But I had a wound...and sooner or later it would be discovered.

    Just as a matter of fact..Isn't nice how the bible tells that Jehovah doesn't search for any faults else we would not be able to stand in front of Him, yet we are encouraged to confess to the elders our every little sin?

    Well thats what I did..it was time to confess that I have been viewing inappropriate material and...spoke immorally with some sisters(mutual), the sisters didn't think it was necessary to speak up, but me being holier than thou, having heard and seen worse knew that this was what Jehovah required.

    So coming back to that meeting on a cloudy afternoon. Two elders, 2 agendas. One being an older loyal brother who knew me since I was a young kid. One being recently assigned to our cong. coming from bethel. I confessed my misbehavior said that I was just a young man searching for attention and hoped for the best.

    1 agenda said...that's fine, Jehovah knows, you will be forgiven. The other said... no hold up, you have crossed the line. Time for a judicial committee. Since they could not agree on the matter it was taken to the body of elders. The bethel heavy included my entire history as a person who had lead a double life before baptism and convinced the majority of the body that action needed to be taken. If you ask me how I know this? The older elder told me this personally, vowing to fight for me and my privileges. And he kept his word! He fought hard. But the best deal he could get was that I would lay down my pioneering and MS privileges for now.

    I couldn't wrap my head around it. How could God operate through people with personal agendas? Being for or against me shouldn't be the deciding factor, right? The bethelite was right, I had crossed the line. But the older elder had a point, Jehovah understands and is bigger than all of this. Yet as a result of my sinful behavior now there is being put a damper on my expression of love for God?? I should not preach as a pioneer and help as MS in the cong. seriously...What is the point of that? Didn't Jesus comfort and use Peter right after he snitched him? I did not get it...How could my "small" misdemeanor be so serious to Jehovah who forgave David for adultery and murder? Of course he showed repentance, but Jehovah must know that I was just falling for my weaknesses. Or was I the only weak one amongst the 7 million brothers and sisters. If I could, I would have never spoken up. I found it weird that they commended me for my courage to speak up in the first place, I was just doing as instructed(#Noah).

    But here I was now lying on my bed trying to make sense of everything that developed. And till this day years later it stil doesnt make sense. To make a long story short, I have researched my faith and critically questioned it. I realize now more than ever how many questions are not answered. Just a simple one...Why the fuck is the universe so big? I will not say that God does not exist, since I simply have no evidence to back that up. But I know for sure there is no MEN holier than me...better than me or closer to God than me. There is simply no evidence for that either. So where do I stand in life now? Honestly pretty confused and unfortunately still dancing to the drum of the Watchtower. Why not leave you say? Hmm wife still asleep and close family as well. Willing to go through the motions for them...

    But fun plot twist...I was recently appointed a MS back again...I have a public talk scheduled soon. Have some privileges on the upcoming assembly.

    You might know this tale but you will never notice me, for I am just another peasant among the 8 million.

  • waton
    Willing to go through the motions for them O.

    " The best, surest, safest way to win a race,-- is at the slowest possible speed " Jimmy Stewart star race car driver.

    Why bother with talks, knowing that it is based on fiction,? you will be responsible for misguiding others, divine justice or not. slow down. Itis easier to get off a stopped train, or skate board.

  • asp59

    Wonder abouth public talks. The organisation dont have school for giving talks anymore. In other words they can not really appoint anyone go give public talks. I mean if the school never met the standars they hade to shut it down, well then No one that gave public talks were up to standar and quality.

  • Finkelstein

    So Oracle you succeed in serving a commercialized lying corrupt false prophet the Watchtower Corporation, when are you going to start being loyal to Jehovah and his son Jesus Christ.?

    An organization of sinning apostates is not where you want to be to gain personal salvation.

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    Enjoyed your story Oracle. It's good that you're back in the good graces of your elders...being an MS again & getting back other privileges.

    But like Watson says..It's easier to get off a stopped train, or skate board.

    Wish you well in trying to live the life of an active JW while at the same time knowing it's only a cult! I've been there...done that. A few years ago the 'train' came to a stop & I got off. Now I'm working toward being inactive and fading and am enjoying being a nobody in the congregation while the rest look on wondering what the hell is going on with JW GoneBad! 😊

  • JW GoneBad
    JW GoneBad

    ...some may wonder...JW GoneBad why don't you just up and leave this cult? Because I love being a pain in the ass to Mother! 🤣

  • George One Time
    George One Time

    Well, when I realised it was all BS, I also made the choice to stay and play along. I would never be able to convince my loved ones about ttatt once I leave. So like JW GoneBad I love being a pain in the ass

  • Giordano

    Just to be sure Oracle........ this is a forum for mostly ex JWs:

    Those that were disfellowshiped and decided it wasn't the truth and never tried to be reinstated.

    Those after thoughtful consideration who disassociated themselves (by word or by letter) and have no reason to go back.

    Many ex JW's simply fade away.

    We also have those forum members who are still in but emotionally out. It's no longer the truth but family is still in so.......

    This is to explain why some people have questioned your intent to resume your so called privileges.

    The idea of continuing to support this abortion of a religion is troubling for those who know better.....especially those who were abandoned by family and/or had their marriages destroyed.

    In effect being a JW is pretty much supporting a death cult. They actually live for the day that Billions will be killed at Armageddon.

    Unfortunatly thousands of JW's needlessly die every year for want of a life saving blood transfusion.

    The WTBTS keeps this rule because they once considered a blood transfusion an act of eating blood. Apparently if they abandoned it they would be sued off the face of this planet by JW families who lost a loved one.

    The leadership of the Governing Body serves as an ignorant substitute for Jesus and Jehovah rolled into one small group of imperfect men.

    The WTBTS is a waste of your time.

    Read about them in their own words from the founding of this publishing house and real estate holding company at jwfacts.com

    Best wishes!

  • sir82

    You think "different agendas" is bad, while you are a MS?


    If you choose to continue on your path as a JW, and get appointed as an elder, look out!

    The most infantile, petty, political, prideful behavior I have ever seen has been in the "back room" where the elders' meetings are held.

    You ain't see nothing yet.

  • DesirousOfChange

    Oracle -- While reading your story, my first reaction is that I felt much the same way at one point in the stream of time, BUT I was in my 50's when similar experiences happened to me. I was so happy for you that you appeared to have awakened to TTATT much much sooner in life! Then........BAM! you're a MS again. SO SAD!

    Now that you have discovered that The Truth(™) is nothing more than a man-made, man-directed religious business, totally lacking anything associated with God (if there is a God) or any kind of supernatural hocus pocus spirit mentor, it is time to move on in your life before you waste even more of it on the JW hamster wheel!

    Good luck!


    Image result for hamster wheelImage result for hamster wheel for sale

    The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

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