Shunning & separation from family

by CJxfarmx 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • SamTheGinge


    I too know what you're going through. I was Df'd around 12 years ago now and my dad, who is an elder, has very little (if any) contact with me. Having been brought up as Witness I knew what to expect from my dad, and still recall his parting words the last time we properly spoke "You do realise that we won't be able to speak from now on? Not unless something serios happens to either one of us". Fine words to leave your eldest son on eh?

    Saying that, it never rankled with me as I knew how it would be, I just carried on as normal and lived my life without the constraints of having to live up to someone organisations exacting standards. I'm all the happier for it, and I think that it's my dads loss rather than mine. He has to go through his life knowing that it is HIM who isn't speaking to ME, and he has to explain that on a regualr basis to my non-believing family members. Many an uncomfortable conversation he has had with them I can tell you! ;-)

  • CJxfarmx

    SamTheGinge, its stunning to me how masterful the JWs are with mind control. I am now a father and I cannot imagine letting anything come between my son and I. With each passing year it boggles my mind how my dad could let that happen to him since I know the strong bond of having a son. That's why I struggled with feeling like I must be a pretty bad person if my dad doesn't care to have a relationship with me. Now I know it's not me, he's brain washed. I just never understood that part about JWs because I was so young(12) when I stopped attending and it has taken until now (age 41) to realize what's been going on!

  • SamTheGinge

    It is quite a baffling, especially to people out side of the 'Truth'. I try and explain to them, but they don't understand, but how can they? It's alien to them how someone could shun their children like that.

    I have 3 kids myself, 2 of them live live with their mother who is still attending meetings and has since re-married to a good Christian boy. My kids with her are aged 6 & 8 and I see them every other weekend with no issues, but how long before they're old enough to know my situation and are told by the Elders, or Step dad, that they should be having no contact with me? I'm waiting for it to happen, and I won't be surprised when/if it does. That doesn't make it any less scary for me to think about. I can't imagine not having anything to do with them, and at what cost to them in the long term? I'm in no way a bad person, or dad I'd like to think but, because I don't follow the same path as their mother or step dad, they should have no contact with me. It may be that it never does come to that, I hope not, but like I said, I won't be surprised.

    I'm terribly for you to have to go through 30 years thinking your dad doesn't care for you when, all along, it was the 'Truth' that 'made' him do it.

    They call themselves a loving organisation, but what loving organisation does that to their own kids?

  • stan livedeath
    stan livedeath

    @samthe ginge-----" but how long before they're old enough to know my situation and are told by the Elders, or Step dad, that they should be having no contact with me? I'm waiting for it to happen, and I won't be surprised when/if it does"

    i would say--any time now---happened to me. not seen my youngest son for over 30 years now. ive got several grand children ive never met--dont even know their names.

  • SamTheGinge

    I find that a terrible thing Stan. It's a tragic thing really, and how do they explain this to their children about why they can't speak, or have anything to do with, their granparent(s)?

    I have, as many of you will have, many different stories around people who have been Df'd and how it has affected their families. One example I have was when I was still a Witness in Yorkshire and an Elders son was Df'd and was trying to get reinstated, which he did in the end. The Elders son had two young children and they would also go to the meetings, but as soon as they got there they would go an sit with their grandad and sit on his knee and play a little. I questioned this with my dad about how this was possible, and his reply was, quite fairly, that althought the dad was Df'd, the kids weren't, so why should they miss out on having a relationship with their granparents through something that wasn't their fault?

    I have to say that, as some may know already, my dad is still Eder to this day and he will still ask for pictures of my children and how they are getting on and so on and so forth. He asks vis my girlfriend, and ex wife, and Iw ouldn't ever think about not letting him see them as it's not their fault that their dad doesn't want to be a Witness again. If my two eldest children decide that want to put Jehovah first then that will be their choice to make, for now I will make sure they know that I am not a bad dad and that I am still a good person even though I don't follow the 'Truth'.

    I hope Stan, that as the kids get older, they will want to get to know you and find out your side of the story.

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