Helping your Spouse wake up

by HappyBlessedFree 20 Replies latest jw experiences

  • TheListener

    A lot of us have been where you are. It is stressful and lonely. At least it was for me. Having this board and the few friends I made at work saved my life.

  • DesirousOfChange

    "Slow drip method"

    I like that term. BABY STEPS, I call it.

    My wife was not "exiting" as quickly as I was doing once I began learning TTATT. At first I was sincerely anxious about what I was learning. I am a born in and JWism is all I've known all my life. Baptized young. Did the wild teenager thing (not too extreme) but Elders were more tolerant not so hardcore back then (at least where I lived, as far as DFing so quickly -- today they'd have expelled me at 17 or 18), re-activated when I decided to settle down, got married to a good JW girl, had kids and THAT really motivated us -- to give them "the best" upbringing. MS in a year. Elder in 3 years. Circuit parts & Dist parts in another year. Dept head at conventions, incl Asst Conv Chairman. Waking up was intolerable! Unbelievable that I'd been lied to and deceived for decades. (Kinda like to think I am smarter than that. But I wasn't.)

    Point is: I was "asking" sincere questions of what was wrong? How could this be? How could what I was learning about WT's past be reconciled with what I believed. Simple outcome -- it couldn't be. I resigned for "personal reasons" and quit attending, but my wife continued with the kids for some time.

    Even though I had it all finalized in my mind, I continued asking my wife to help "resolve" those sincere questions i was struggling with. Thus, she had to research and attempt to find the answers to "help me'. Of course, we all know there are no "answers" to those questions. And when she asked others (Elders in the family) she was accused of looking at apostate stuff. (Yeah -- those questions you cannot even ASK!)

    If your hubby is ready to "research", ask "those" questions. Let him sort it all out. DO NOT DUMP A LOT OF NEGATIVE SHIT ON HIM. Often that causes them to go on the defense.

    Good luck!


  • days of future passed
    days of future passed

    When my sister and her husband realized that it couldn't be the truth, my sister did the rapid fire of information on me. I wasn't phased by that, but told her that she was doing too much. At that point, it wasn't that I thought the WT was wrong, but I was willing to look at what she saying because even if what she was telling me was wrong, I was going to wade thru it and examine it.

    But what was in my favor was previous information - the dateline show from like 20 years ago about pedophiles in the congregation and the organizations ways of dealing with it.

    I also had my lying and manipulative sister I was living with, as an example of the two faced hypocritical JW. I thought to myself, if my sister who I've treated so well all of these years can betray me, why not an organization?

    So I examined the bible against the teachings of the WT. It was then that I knew that they did not follow the bible. They also knew that too. So they were hypocrites and liars.

    For my sister, it was about the numbers. The 607 controversy, the "finished mysteries" explanation of how they came to that date.... added to it was her husbands eye opening first hand dealings with the organization and their protection of a pedophile.

    So understanding and knowing what your husband may have had issues in the past with as well as what would concern him the most, can help you.

  • redvip2000

    If the equality oppression police allows me to say this... it's much easier to open the eyes of a JW man that a JW woman.

    From what I've seen, the women are much more attached to the emotional aspects of the Org through the social and support connections, while the men are more partial to facts, data and doctrine, exceptions aside.

    The fact that your husband is starting to do research in non-Watchtower sources, means that he is already beyond the main hurdle, which is allowing for the possibility that the Org is not right.

    He will be out soon.

  • neat blue dog
    neat blue dog

    StarTrekAngel makes a good point:

    JWFacts has perhaps the best collection of damning WT quotes in existence. Pick the best ones, especially more recent ones you can get on WT Library, and focus on that without the stigma of an 'apostate' website.

  • WillYouDFme

    I did. She was part of an UBER UBER family.

    I consistently dipped things to her - but in a way as to where I was confused, and or upset, or just not feeling right.

    I kept telling her about disturbing things that were going on during elders meetings. I would be very open about how this stuff is not right and is hurting people.

    I would point out the incompetent of many of the elders, and how our training is worthless.

    I would point out the hypocrisy I would see.

    I also had talks about how things didnt make sense. From things like masterbation being wrong, to why did God need 6 extinction level events before he got it right, to how the Flood could not have happened, and had to be a local event.

    I pointed out how the bible makes a big deal about a woman not screaming while being raped (with no caveats to it - like her mouth was covered, or he had a knife to her throat, or no one was around) - but David and Solomon got to F#uch hundreds of women and it was ok.

    How there was no chance that in Davids and Solomons harem - the girls were not having lesbian sex, and how David and Solomon were probably having group sex with there concubines.

    I pointed out that a concubine is just a sex slave, and how is that ok?

    Or when we had the reading about Balaam, that when a donkey started to talk, that instead of Balaam freaking out and running away, he stood there and had an argument with the animal like it was normal.

    Or how strange that Satan really didnt lie to A & E, because at the end of chapter 3 God confirms what Satan said.

    Or was there really only one way to get back into Eden? What was there a wall with only one gate? And why didnt their kids all continually try and get in sicce the tree ment live?

    Or why did god introduce man to the FIRST weapon? A sword? Was that a good idea?

    If he didnt want them to eat meat - why did he give them Furs from animals?

    I talked about how scared I was when the WT put all the legal burden on local elders when it came to DFing and such.

    I told her how confused I was that we needed to give all our Hall savings to the WT even though we didnt have a mortgage, and all the craziness about the LDC and such.

    On and on like this over a long period of time. I was a prominent elder, not a "spiritual loose" :)

    Eventually she did her own research, and woke up.

  • Crazyguy2

    Have him turn over to Mathew chapter 1: verse 22 I believe where it says that a boy will be born of a Virgin and they’ll call him Emanuel and it’s to fulfill a prophecy. Then have him turn over to Isaiah chapter 7:14 where this prophecy is stated. No big deal right , just confirmed it. Ok now have him read the whole chapter of Isaiah 7 from the beginning. You’ll find it has nothing to do with a coming messiah or Jesus or anything in a future time only about the king Ahaz and his enemies from Syria and before a kid named Emanuel is old enough to do something (can’t remember) Ahaz enemies will be no more.

  • Orgit

    I’m just at the start of what of a very long wife will not talk to me on the subject at all. When I asked her what she would would do if she saw proof that this was not the truth, she answered “I would still believe it”! This is a woman with a science degree. It’s the first time I have seen so obviously the level of mind control in action. I think you only see when you are out.

    if your husband is researching the jobs’s only a matter of time. It took me about an hour and a half of reading Olaf Jonnsson.

    good luck

  • BluesBrother

    I have tried for years......

    My otherwise clever and often cynical wife has proved quite capable of

    Doublethink on this. The Society , to her, are spirit directed but only human.....many issues she will heartily agree with, but ' it's the truth..........

  • Pit123123

    My Russian experienced:
    sorry, I don't speak English well. For text use online-translate. Again apologies for poor English.

    I to be deprived of (communication) intercourse 2 times. 1 experience. I accidentally (accidentally) see and hear the wrong financial report for the month. I asked the elder. - Where is the money brother? HE's gonna cut me off. (banished me.)

    When I returned to the organization. Probably I idiot. Very funny. That thieving elder ran away from the city. And my documents in congregation be gone. And nobody knows anything. Then there were a few more bad situations. And I decided to cancel (delete) my baptism. But how? Now I know.

    I made an anti-preaching. I took my notebook and went to the addresses where the response was. I told people the truth about the elders. Good! None of these people became a sectarian. Okay! But a small number of people. So I understand, is necessary because of the wickedness of the elders, pray to God about the closure of the branch in the country and total ban. A miracle! After about 3 months on April 20, 2017, they announced a ban on the sect in Russia.

    You pray too.
    Pray that people come out of the sect.
    Pray for the closure of a branch (filial) in your countries.
    Pray for your relative!

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