Dating and love

by Holden Caufield 13 Replies latest social relationships

  • Holden Caufield
    Holden Caufield

    I find myself still at 25 nervous around women. I wonder is dating and marriage really worth the hassle.?

  • LisaRose

    It depends on the person I guess, but do you really want to live by yourself for the rest of your life because women make you nervous? We don't bite you know.

  • millie210

    You are still relatively young.

    Get to know women you like and let them get to know you.

    Take your time.

    Enjoy the process.

  • stillin

    I know what you mean. They're SOOO nice just to look at, but you never know what they're going to say! Then, they KNOW that they're hot and that you're horny and that's a lot of fun, too.

    But, really, they're just people and the company of a good woman is one of the best things going.

  • jws

    I've had life without a wife, life with a wife, and life without again (but with kids every other week).

    All depends on you. I thought I enjoyed marriage until she left. Maybe it was just her, maybe it was me. But I never realized how much better it was without her until she left.

    I wouldn't mind being with somebody I was on the same wavelength with. But I have my kids right now and I'm in no hurry. Without being in sync, I've found it might be bad for both of you. Just because she's nice doesn't mean life is great. It's those things that don't make somebody bad, but still can divide you. What she likes to do vs. you. Relationships can be a lot of work if you're not in sync.

    And BTW, I'm shy around women too. Well, not at all when it's social. I'm in charge of a running group with new women all the time. I'm not at all shy about going up and talking with them. It's when I want to turn something from casual friends to a relationship that I get nervous about. And I know the root of that is fear of rejection. And probably the best advice I can give you is try, try again until you aren't nervous.

    My scarring from the JWs taught me that dating was for marriage. In my old congregations, asking somebody out was almost equivalent to asking somebody to marry them. Because if you dated for any amount of time, that's what happened. So that was in my mind too. Asking them out became way more serious. It's not. Invite them to catch dinner with you. Or something else casual. A drink. No pressure, no assumptions. Just two friends (or with others) and you can evaluate them. Interested? Try again and see if she's for it too. Then chances are it's going somewhere.

  • Iown Mylife
    Iown Mylife

    There is a huge cost for anything in life. You have to figure out if you're willing to pay the cost. Like to get a car or a pet or a wife, child, house. All these things cost a lot and puts pressure on you to earn, in order to support and maintain.

    I knew this one jw guy, he was alone, traveling around living in people's homes where there were kingdom halls being built. He was good at construction stuff, like putting in tile, just everything. Well he was wanting to find a wife, always looking. He left his notebook in my husband's car and the open page said: She makes $______, I need to make $400 a month.

    We couldn't believe he actually thought he could get a wife and only earn $400 per month!!!

    I'm old and probably a fuddy-duddy. But I remember being young and having a young, 25 year old new husband. It was very difficult being married without enough income to supply all our needs. It is somewhat easier if you make a good living. But still, the difference between a good marriage and a disaster, is maturity. The older you are, the better husband you'll be. We've been married 39 years. I would not go back to those young days for anything, LOL!

    I used to get so mad at him! One time I didn't speak to him for two weeks straight. Then I realized he didn't mind - for him it was like sort of a vacation! Now we just let disagreements dissipate and apologize immediately for any misunderstanding. We don't look good anymore but we laugh a lot and enjoy being alive.

    Look for a gal who appreciates everything and is kind-hearted and NOT SARCASTIC. ♥

  • Vidiot

    Caufield - " dating and marriage really worth the hassle?"

    Dude, every guy on the planet has asked that question at one time or another.

    And in the end, the vast majority of us decide, "yeah, probably".

    Welcome to the club, man.

  • Holden Caufield
    Holden Caufield

    But we must ask ourselves Is it not better to be single and happy then to be married and miserable?

  • Vidiot

    What if singleness makes you unhappy?

  • Holden Caufield
    Holden Caufield

    A young man contemplating marriage sought advice from Diogenes. "Should I marry?"

    "Marriage is too soon for a young man"

    "Would you have me wait then until I am old."

    "Oh no, Marriage is far too late for an old man."

    "What am I to do then? I love the girl."

    "Love is a luxury no one can afford. It is for those who have nothing better to do."

    "What should we be doing then?"

    "To seek freedom. But it is not possible to be free if you have a wife and children."

    "But having a wife and family is so agreeable."

    "Then you see the problem, young man. Freedom would not be so difficult to attain were prison not so sweet."

    "You mean to be free is to be alone?"

    "We come into the world alone and we die alone. Why, in life, should we be any less alone?"

    "To live, then, is terrible."

    "No, not to live, but to live in chains."

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