by Stealth 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • Giordano

    It would help to know what kind of racism she is subjected to. It's one thing to say I hate Mexican food and another thing to say I hate Mexicans.

    "showing or feeling discrimination or prejudice against people of other races, or believing that a particular race is superior to another."

    If she attends a school with a racial mix of students, as we have here in the USA, it is important that she is not overly influenced by her apparently racist grandmother and new husband as well as her mother. Such people use race as a way to shore up their perceived importance.

    If these folks were still highly opinionated re the JW religion I would imagine you would limit her contact with them. As the witness beliefs are very dangerous as well as opinionated.

    If they are as stupid as they sound, if it was up to me, I would seek to protect my child from crude and rude behavior.

  • road to nowhere
    road to nowhere

    Extended family should ABSOLUTELY accept and love members. Not that that can be enforced.

    If the behavior is bad protect the child. It is no different than saying stupid, fat, ugly, smelly. The worst is rejecting someone because they do not carry your genes

  • Stealth

    Thank you to all who have posted. I’m currently on my phone so I can’t respond to everyone individually.

    We live in US and she attends a racially mixed school

    The specific comment was this.

    She made a comment about two boys in her class who were after her aka like her. In the conversation she mentioned one boy is white and other black.

    His comment was that ‘she couldn’t like, date or marry anyone who was black’.

    When I ask myself not knowing any other fact about this boy, other than his race what other logical reason someone would say this other than being racist? I can’t think of one.

    I choose not to associate with racists by choice, so i asked myself why would I intentionally expose her to it?

    In addition to this there have been other occasions where she has related negative comments towards myself and my wife. I have mostly let these type of ignorant comments go but with this latest event, I just see an overall lack of retuning the same respect that we have given her over the years.

    I’m seeing a pattern of disrespect, not just one isolated incident. This race thing is what brought it to a tipping point.

    i also recognize that I’m angry that she wouldn’t respect my request to shut the F up for 4 hours a month to keep peace and they double down on I should respect their alternate views and will say whatever they want

    Thank you all!

  • Stealth

    There is no JW component in this situation.

    When i showed apostate leanings in 1999 she divorced me. Two years later she got disfellowshipped and then she left too. I hold no bitterness over that. The divorce ended up being one of the best things in my life. I would have never met my now Non-JW wife if not for that.

  • JoenB75
    Some parents or grandparents of whatever colour dont like racemixing but it usually only whites that get called out for it. Most people here would be horrified if their child dated a jw or some other sect adherent. Like you they might have a bad experience with other kinds and there are plenty of those. We should be careful and generous in such matters ☺️.
  • Pete Zahut
    Pete Zahut
    On the past two, 4 hour visits, our child has come home repeating racist comments from her new husband.
    Racism: prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.

    Sexism: prejudice, discrimination or stereotyping based on the basis on ones gender.

    Of what race is the new husband?

    Do you like him?

    Would your level of annoyance vary depending upon his race or upon how well you liked him as a person?

    Would you be less annoyed if the grandmother made that same comment?

    I overheard a 30 something woman of color loudly advising her sister not to date anyone but white men. "Latin and Black men think they own you and will cheat on you".That was her opinion apparently based on her life's experience and she was free to say it loudly in a public place without fear of backlash from some virtue signaler who overheard her.

    It seems like today, women can make whatever across the board statement about men, however unfair, without being considered a sexist. Similarly, people of color can make unfair comments or jokes about other races without fear of being considered a racist.

    I would say that since your wife is in charge of your daughters upbringing while she is in her custody, you can only ask that she do what she can to stem the racist remarks while she is with her and then set a good example for your daughter yourself, the rest of the time.

  • Pete Zahut
  • Giordano

    There is a lot of racial bias in any number of ethnic communities. People who are more comfortable staying within the boundaries of old traditions.

    Unfortunately that includes white supremacists whose old traditions were slavery, Jim Crow, and opposition against civil rights.

    I found it shocking that this temporary step grandfather is telling your daughter that ‘she couldn’t like, date or marry anyone who was black’.

    Sounds to me you've got a growing case of ignorant white supremacy in that household. I would also look up the sex offenders list on line, for that area to make sure his problems don't reach out in that direction.

    I would hope your ex wife can mitigate his stupidity.

  • Simon

    From a purely objective view of the data, a white person marrying a black person has a higher chance of divorce than if they married a white person, and a black person has a lower chance of divorce than if they married another black person.

    Having a view on the racial component of your own possible future marriage isn't racism, it's common sense, it's her life after all. Everyone has the right to be as biased, judgemental and opinionated about something so important to their own future wellbeing and happiness.

    But it doesn't really sound like a 9 year old is seriously making wedding plans or making any racist statements, I'd stop worrying or being over-sensitive about it.

    Everyone has various "looks" that they find attractive, sometimes more of some races fall inside or outside that than others, it's not racist to decide that on balance you tend to prefer one race to another, it's not meant to be an exhaustive judgement of the entire population, just personal experience used as a shortcut.

Share this