by Stealth 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • Stealth

    Having been raised as a JW, racism was something that was never promoted. I now have a 9 year old that has been visiting her biological grandmother and my ex-wife. It is my child because I adopted her. Neither of us are JWs anymore. :-)

    The child goes on a monthly basis for a few hours or in some cases a weekend sleepover. This has gone on for at least 5 years.

    The child's grandmother recently got remarried about 6 months ago.

    On the past two, 4 hour visits, our child has come home repeating racist comments from her new husband.

    When I confronted them about it, and asked for the sake of family peace, that they not talk about controversial topics for the time children was there.

    Her response was, "it's their house and they can say or do whatever they want. She says it's just a different point of view than mine and I should allow them to be exposed to different viewpoints."

    I am interested in what you would do in this situation?

    Is racism wrong or is it a valid concept to consider for a 9 year old?

    I'm inclined to cut off the visitations, but would like to hear some opinions from this forum. Thanks for reading!

  • cofty

    I suppose for me it would depend on the severity of the racist comments. 'Racist' covers a wide spectrum of opinion.

    She is old enough for you to explain to her that some people have opinions and views about others that are unkind but will it really damage her to be exposed to them? Will it damage her more than breaking a relationship with he relatives?

    She will come across plenty of objectionable opinions in her life. Perhaps it would be better to use it as a learning opportunity.

  • JoenB75
    I believe free speech is essential for co-existence and also agree with cofty's post She should learn to respect opinions. At the same time you should keep insisting the relatives show restraint and talk nice when the kid is around. You do that with kids.
  • JimmyYoung

    What are the comments? Today racism means nothing because the left idiots have used it to silence anyone that is not in lock step with them. So someone could say Columbus was not a bad guy and did not kill thousands and you are a racist or that taking down a stature of Robert E. Less was wrong and could be called a racist and that is all BS its not racist. But if they call someone who is of a different race a name that is considered to be degrading that is a different story and would have to be judged by its content. Even for me saying general stereotypes of races is not always racist. Its been used so much buy the idiot left at every turn it really has no meaning any more.

  • road to nowhere
    road to nowhere

    More information please. We do not know the races involved, nor the comments. Are they about racial traits or cultural preferences; or derogatory things?

  • smiddy3

    I would agree with cofty`s comment here.You know what was said that is racist so you could explain to the 9 year old why that might be objectionable and counter-act what was said.

    In that way the child does get two points of view and will eventually weigh things up for oneself .

  • Hisclarkness

    Racism is not simply “another point of view” and it is in no way beneficial to subject an impressionable child to racist beliefs and thoughts under the guise of needing to let them see the reality of the world.

    It is not my place to tell you how to proceed with your relationship with your parents. But you ABSOLUTELY should proceed with caution when exposing your child to racism. We are not talking about a grown person able to distinguish between right and wrong and make their own decisions about their life. We are talking about a moldable child who is still learning their place in the world.

    It scares me that so many here think there is nothing wrong that a child is exposed to racism in the name of differing points of view.

  • Phizzy

    Racism is difficult to define, but the comments must have been bad enough to make you feel they simply were not right. I would do as Cofty says, get clear in my own mind what real Racism really is, explain that to my kid, and also explain that ways of talking about people are sometimes not acceptable, even if they don't come from a thoroughly 100% racist viewpoint.

    I do not agree with the Poster who said your daughter has to respect points of view, or even use of language, which are simply wrong. People can have their opinions, and use the words they choose, but we do not have to respect anything that does not deserve such respect.

    It isn't though, up to a 9 year old to challenge them outright, you may encourage her to simply say something like " That isn't a nice thing to say" , or to simply keep quiet, but be aware that the words are simply wrong.

    Family ties are important, but as with any relationship, if they become toxic, it is time to limit contact. Don't overreact, but work hard to form your daughters own opinions along the right lines.

  • stillin

    Nine years old is old enough for your daughter to know it when she hears it and express her own views, which I hope you are helping her to have. A nine year old can say things like "I have friends at school who are (fill in the blank) and I think they are very nice."

    Bigots are pretty shallow people and a child that is actually thinking can be a powerful thing.

  • StephaneLaliberte

    If kids are not exposed to racism at home, they will be in school, or even in their professional lifes. What matters now is that you teach your kid to think. 9 year old is old enough to bring them to think about such questions.

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