ooops don't know what is up with my highlight section...
any way,...I am sending that link to my sister..thanks!
Does your child have any wierd obsessions?
by Eyebrow2 22 Replies latest social relationships
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imallgrowedup
Eyebrow2-
No problem!
Because of the alarming rate that children (and adults) are being diagnosed, it is getting more research funding. (The number of diagnoses in the past decade have risen 700%!) So, although there is no "cure" for it, scientists are learning more everyday, and the one thing they all agree about is the absolute necessity for early screening and treatment. The good news is there are a lot of resources out there to help - including special education services and occupational therapy. The better news is that the school district is required by federal law to pick-up the tab for any special educational services, if you can prove that the child's disability affects their learning environment. Many autistic and asperger's children have their own special "shadow aide" which "cues" the child as needed in an educational setting. Again, the school district is required to pay for this aide, but most will lie () and tell you that they don't, just to save a buck. Some families will pay this aide out of their own pockets to have them work with their child after school. The reason they do this is because the aide has been with the child all day and knows the specific situations that came up in which the child needs more practice. In that sense, the aide will "role play" with the child those situations with more effective outcomes. If the child has language problems, the school district is also required to provide speech therapy (thank God, my son does not - I think it makes the child more vulnerable to teasing.) Your sister can also get help with occupational therapy for things such as large muscle coordination, play therapy (teaching the social skills these children lack), and help with learning day-to-day activities - such as dressing themselves, if needed, through her Regional Center. Some children also respond well to medication. Because one of the hallmark traits of these children is retreating into their own world, and getting "stuck" in a groove (like thinking/talking about dinosaurs), it affects their ability to focus, and eventually, any academic progress. Therefore, our doctor put our son on 10mg of Ritalin 2x/day, and we have seen a tremendous improvement in his ability to stay on-task and get his school work done. It's certainly not a "cure all", but it sure has made a big difference for our son. The best advise I can give your sister is to learn everything she can and get hooked up with parent support groups in her area, because she is going to need every bit of help she can get to be her son's advocate - especially in an educational setting.
I know I've probably bored you to tears, but I know you are probably going to forward this to your sister, so please let her know that she is also welcome to contact me if she feels a little overwhelmed with everything - trust me - she probably will be!
Best of luck to you and your sister.
D
BTW - I do hope they find the cure for "SAS" soon!!! :-) I hate to see anyone suffer needlessly!
D
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cruzanheart
Hmmm, interesting. Jackson is quite capable of chewing your ear about Bionicles, Pokemon, Game Boy -- whatever he's doing at the moment, but he can be distracted if necessary. I don't see him lecturing his friends on the subjects he's interested in, and in order to gain his knowledge he reads and researches (you should see all the dinosaur books we have, and Pokemon is starting to catch up). I'll keep that in mind, though, and visit that website. Right now he's having trouble with depression due to a few too many changes in his little life the past couple of years, and he's seeing a therapist. I'll mention that to him.
Thanks!
Nina
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imallgrowedup
cruzanheart -
The odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that your son is perfectly normal. I honestly don't mean to alarm anyone - I am going through this feeling "guilty" stage for not "tying together" Ian's asperger's behaviors, even when they were pointed out to me. I guess I feel it is my duty to help other parents be aware of it, (even if it does not apply to their child/children), because of the importance of early treatment. I really do wish I had been more open to his preschool teacher - instead of being angry with her for suggesting such a thing! I truly thought she was nuts when she suggested I look into it, because as far as I was concerned, he was really not all that different from other children his age. In fact, I attributed my son's "slightly different" behavior to his obvious intelligence (many Asperger's children have very high IQ's, and my son is one of them). In fact, just from watching Sesame Street, (and probably from books I read to him), he learned the letters of the alphabet and their sounds by the time he was two years old. By the time he entered preschool at three, he was reading - and we never taught him to do that. Whenever he would use very big words for a child his age (for example, when the school psychologist was doing his IQ test and asked him what a bird was, he replied "an oviperous noun." She had to look up "oviperous" to realize it meant an animal that flies) - I was proud of him for being so smart. When he went through a phase of intense interest in international landmarks, (especially the pyramids and the sphynx), other countries and their different flags and languages, again, I thought it was just because he was precocious, and so darn intelligent. Even when he could spend what seemed like forever expounding upon whatever intense interest he had going at any given time, I didn't realize that he was not recognizing my non-verbal cues of boredom - I just thought he talked too much. Yes, I could get him to change the subject, but within a few minutes, he would generally sluff off so he could be in his own world where it was okay to think and talk about whatever interest he was fixed on, or, he would find someone else to listen to him. He never really lectured any children his own age about other countries (for example), but he would bring it up with them as though it were normal for all 5- and 6-year-old children to be interested in that particular topic. Again, I didn't notice that he was not picking up on their non-verbal cues of boredom - or that he didn't sense the natural flow of a conversation - for example, when the other person wanted to speak - even though they were classic signs of autism/asperger's.
Although I noticed his lack of social skills, especially in regards to him telling other children what fantasy game they were playing, which character they were to play, and what they were to say and do, I thought it was because as an only child, he was accustomed to having things his way because he never needed to negotiate with other children. Even when he became downright belligerent with the other children if they didn't do things exactly the way he had them in his mind, I thought he was just being rude, and that we weren't working with him enough on how to be nice with other people (even though we discussed it a lot). When he would eventually retreat into his own world to play the game he was trying to get the other children to play by himself, I thought it was just because he preferred his own company. I didn't realize that he was exhibiting what is referred to as "rigidity". His inflexibility or ability to allow other children to have input in a fantasy game (or even to eat a hamburger for dinner when I'd told him I thought we'd go out for pizza) were all part of the bigger picture - called "Asperger's Syndrome."
As far as his slowly developing large motor skills (like running in a kind of immature way) and having difficulty learning to ride a bicycle with training wheels goes, I attributed that to the fact that my husband never really spent a lot of time in active play with him. In fact, at times I just thought he wasn't interested in riding a bike, or was just being too lazy (at seven, he still has not mastered riding a bike with training wheels!). I didn't realize these are also classic autistic/asperger's symptoms.
Even though I was aware he was different and that he exhibited some of the characteristics of autism/asperger's, I took note of the fact that my son did not have speech and/or stuttering problems, he didn't appear to be sensitive to touch, or didn't engage in ritualistic activites such as spinning, or knocking his head against a wall. Because he didn't exhibit any of these characteristics, I just KNEW his preschool teacher had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. What I didn't realize is that not every autistic or asperger's child has every single symptom, and of the symptoms they do dispay, each child will have varying degrees of that symptom. Now that I realize that, I feel extremely fortunate that my son only has a few asperger's characteristics, and the ones he does have are very mild. The prognosis is very good for him, thank God.
When faced with a diagnosis of Autism or Asperger's, Asperger's is definately the lesser of the two evils. It is also recognized later than Autism. Where as most autistic children are diagnosed by the time they are about 3, most asperger's children aren't diagnosed until about 6 or 7, or whenever they enter school. This was the case with Ian. His teacher was telling me that he was having trouble concentrating on his work, not completing assignments, cried easily, and was putting up a fuss when asked to move from one project to the next - even when he knew that he would have to. At first we thought it was ADD, especially since the screening that was done showed he was at-risk for it, but the ADD diagnosis only explained part of the symptoms. I insisted to the school that the other symptoms were due to his high intelligence, and to placate me, they gave him an IQ test. It was during the IQ test that the school psychologist became very suspicious of Asperger's. She also suspected he was depressed. This did not go over very well with me, as I wanted everything about my son to be normal. But further testing proved the diganosis to be correct, and although it may seem like the story ends here, it truly is just the beginning - in terms of getting my son the help that he needs. I feel encouraged that the Ritalin is helping, and so far the school district has been very cooperative, but most of the families I know with autistic/asperger's children have really had to fight for everything their child needs. I know that eventually I probably will have to also.
At any rate, when I read your first post, I felt obligated to ask you about these things, again, only because early intervention is so important. Even if your son does not have any disorder along the autistic spectrum, it would be worth it to me to share this in case another parent sees this and recognizes their own child in my story.
Thanks for listening,
D
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Eyebrow2
I appreciate the info...my sister is a JW...so I don't think I will bring up where I found the info quite just yet, hahah...but I will give you her email address and let her know she can contact you if she has any questions....
Thanks again!
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Mulan
When my son was 4 he thought he was Neil Diamond, and imitated him and played his music all day long. He started calling himself Jess Robin, Neil's name in "The Jazz Singer".
He also had imaginary friends, who would die and he would grieve for them. He had a dog named Barney (imaginary) and talked to him and petted him and told me where he was. Once he cried because he said I was standing on Barney. He was absolutely serious.
He eventually moved on to other weird things.............and always marched to a different drummer. We found out recently he has Aspberger's syndrome. He is now 24 and married, so not too bad. He recently went back to college to become a lawyer. He has a degree in criminal justice but was unsuccessful getting hired by a police department. He is brilliant but a bit odd, and immature for his age, so I was not terribly surprised.
His mind will be used well if he becomes an attorney, because he has an amazing memory for absolutely minute detail, and can give you a word for word running commentary on books, movies and TV. Drives you NUTS! But he is a doll.
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simplesally
Teryn, thankfully, is not weird, just a little 2 1/2 year old who loves to be Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. I bought her a Sleeping Beauty costume (not for Halloween, just for fun) and she has had it on all day and wants to wear it to bed ------- its over her jammies as I type.
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imallgrowedup
Eyebrow 2-
Your secret is safe with me! :-) I would love to help in whatever way I can!
Mulan -
Wow! Since your son was not diagnosed until fairly recently, his successes are a real tribute to you as a parent in how you must have supported him as he grew up! I tip my hat to you! I take real comfort in stories such as yours (and your son's). Even though he was not hired by a police department, I agree with you in that the good news is that his "disabilities" as an Aspie are going to be his strength as an attorney. I fully believe that as long as people with Asperger's find the right niche for themselves, they have potential beyond those of us who never had to struggle as they have. After all, look at Bill Gates and Albert Einstein - they both have/had Asperger's - and in the right environment, they both have made huge footprints on this earth! I have no doubt that your son will too!
:-)
D
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Mulan
Since your son was not diagnosed until fairly recently, his successes are a real tribute to you as a parent in how you must have supported him as he grew up
Thank you for that, but he had some really good teachers too. His teachers all loved him and thought he was so great, and we knew he was too. We had never heard of Aspberger's syndrome until about a year ago, and seldom took him to a doctor during his formative years, so no opportunity for a diagnosis. I wonder if I would have even mentioned it. We just thought he was different, but didn't see it as a real disability. Maybe that's the difference with him.
He also had 3 older siblings who were 16, 13 and 10 when he was born and with them in his life, he didn't have a chance. One of his brothers especially, tried to make him as normal as possible, by making him laugh and kidding around with him, wrestling with him and basically stimulating him all the time. It made for a loud house at times, but I think it was good for both of them. The 13 year old was rambunctious, and Dan was timid.
By the time he was 3, he knew all the house rules, for all the other kids, and tried to enforce them. That was funny to us, but made him crazy. He couldn't understand why no one obeyed all the rules but him.
Dan had a rough time in school, because of the other kids and was horribly bullied. You just cannot be different and have a peaceful school exprerience. As I said before, he is brilliant and excelled in academics and in drama (not a big surprise..............he knew everyone's lines) and could become another person quite easily. He had been doing it his whole life.
His first month in college, back in 1998, he met a young gal he fell in love with and it was mutual. Guess what? She has Aspberger's too. They got married two years ago. She works in a lab. Perfect for her.
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imallgrowedup
Mulan -
It's so nice to talk to someone whose child is so similar to my own! Ian also loves drama - he was such a ham at his kindergarten Christmas show. The kids were singing "My Favorite Things" from The Sound of Music (don't ask me how that relates to Christmas!), and although the other kids were just singing (as rehearsed), Ian decided to do a little improv while they sang by acting out the words of the song! He was a biting dog and a stinging bee, and a person feeling sad - and he did them all right on cue! The whole audience just cracked up at him! He had no idea that everyone thought he was so funny - he was in his own world! But I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard, as did half the audience! He truly stole the show! After that I considered putting him in some drama programs, but because he doesn't like being told how something should be (like you need to be standing over there and say this particular thing at this particular time), I didn't want to put him in a potentially adversarial position. How did you get your son involved, and keep him happy with being "directed"?
The comment you made about keeping Dan stimulated gave me a great sense of hope. My husband and I both have very silly personalities, and we have always joked around with Ian. As most Asperger's children are supposed to have difficulty understanding jokes, Ian not only understands them, he has a terrific sense of humor and loves to try to make us laugh! Additionally, I am very affectionate by nature, and have always hugged and squeezed him and kissed him and tickled him and given him raspberries on his belly, (probably to a fault!) and I have noticed that he is not sensitive to touch like other Asperger children can be. I am not trying to toot my own horn, but all these things are essentially "occupational therapy," and both of our children received it naturally and consistently beginning at a very early age - so I think it just goes to show how important early intervention can be - especially if a child is born into a family with different dynamics. Now I am wondering how he would be doing socially if I had exposed him to other children more often (in a setting smaller than day care) - and closely monitored their play - would it have made a difference? Hmmmmm.... well, I am not going to play "woulda coulda shoulda" with myself - but I do find it interesting how family dynamics have positively affected our boys!
I am also encouraged hearing how Dan met someone and ended up getting married! As Ian is an only child, I have worried that he would end up alone once my husband and I passed away. It's nice to have that hope that this may not be the case after all! I'm glad Dan found someone, and that she apparently understands him well because of her own lifelong struggles. Do they both display a degree of rigidity, and if so, have you been able to observe how they work that out with one another? I don't mean to be nosy here - it's just that I have a hard time picturing Ian marrying someone like him because I see how his rigidity affects his relationships with friends he plays with on a daily basis, and wonder how it would work if he married someone with Asperger's and was with that person all the time.... no need to answer the question, I guess I was just wondering aloud (or as I typed?!)
Speaking of rigidity, I kind of had to laugh (in an understanding kind of way) when you said that Dan couldn't figure out why no one obeyed the rules but him. Ian is the same way - with written and unwritten rules! For example, he gets very frustrated when someone doesn't do something like say "thank you" at the appropriate time - and he is sure to remind them of it, too! It is hard to teach him that the rules do apply to everyone, but when other people commit a faux pas, it is not only impolite to correct them, but not our place, either. So far he hasn't grasped that, but we keep trying.
I do worry about the bullying and teasing that comes with being different. I'm so sorry to hear that Dan was subjected to it. Right now, the elementary school Ian attends has a strict, written "No Bullying" policy, which holds children who witness it and don't report it just as responsible as the child engaging in it. Additionally, they spend a lot of time teaching the children about how to treat other people, so I am hopeful that this will help him - at least at the elmentary level. So far the neighborhood kids that he has grown up with don't seem to notice his odd behavior, or if they do, it just seems to be okay with them. I hope that lasts as well.
I really enjoy meeting up with other parent's with Aspergers/autism/PDD. I helps to keep the sanity! Thanks for chatting with me!
D