Love and family

by Maverick 13 Replies latest social family

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  Maverick

  Today is my baby girls' 19th birthday. Her mother, an active dud, ran off with a workmate 6years ago so I have raised Melia on my own since that time. She has grown up to be a fine young lady who has been through finishing school, traveled to Paris, and the South Pacific, and is now a freshman in college.

  I have always believed that at a certain point a person must decide for themselves if they want to serve God, and how this service will manifest itself. When my girl was about 14 she wanted to get baptized as a dud. I was an MS at the time and her mother was DF'd. We talked and I asked her to really consider why she wanted to do this. I would support whatever she decided. After reflextion she told me her reason for baptism was because her friends were doing it. We agreed that was not a good reason. So she backed off. The PO was not happy she was not going to get baptized and told me I should give her an ultimatum. I shined him on and did nothing to her about it.

  She started to see how phoney the other kids acted and had a disgreement with an Elder and stopped coming to the meetings. I did not force her. My feeling is that God wants the willing. The Elders started to pressure me to make her come to the meetings. One told me to threaten to kick her out if she did not go. I though that was very poor advice. She has a brain, and again the God I worship is not an extortioner.

  To this day, I can not fathom how loving parents could let the Society dictate the conditions of the love they have for their own children. Someone tells you to disown your family and you say...sure? What kind of heartless moron thought that up? And how can so many people just go along with that? I have loved my baby from the moment I knew I would be a father. You just don't turn that off. Am I from some other planet to think this way? Maverick
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  SixofNine

  Humans are from earth ~ JW's are from Uranus.

  You're a good human Mav.
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  pettygrudger

  Absolutely Not Maverick - you sound like a wonderful father.
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  Lady Lee

  Mav I'm just going to ramble out some of my thoughts on this

  I suspect some JWs are already highly dysfunctiona; before they become drones. They bring that background with them and the WT teachings and controls is a good fit with their level of dysfunction. It feels like home to them.

  Others become dysfunctional/ We know that mind control techniques bury the true person and substitute the JW dronen in their place. This drone still is capable of realy feelings but they are so repressed under the new personailty that few people can get in touch with those feelings. Instead they smail when they are supposed and act the way they are supposed and do what they are told.

  Add to this (for both groups) the constant pressure to perform do more and MAYBE you will be good enough to survive the end is enough to seriously depress most people. Many JWs a re depressed. Many put a smile on ignore the depression and it manifests as a wide range of stress-induced illnesses. Worn down through years of control and manipulation and repression of the true self many cannot access the part that says this is not kindness to shun those you love.

  Now add to this the fear of being shunned themsleves and the ultimate eternal death that would result from that is it any wonder that so many will follow the party line.

  In dysfunctional families they truly believe that beating a child is a normal and appropriate way to discipline a child. Then you have a religion that uses scriptures about beating children and the rod of discipline and stoning them to death if they will not be obedient.

  And on top add that some families have been in this for generations and the pressures that cause

  and of course let's not forget group pressure and mentality

  Is it any wonder these people obey and shun their children?
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  frenchbabyface

  Sweet daddy
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  stillajwexelder

  six of nine LOL -- Humans are from earth ~ JW's are from Uranus. literally YES -- Ur Anus that is where JWs are from
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  talesin

  maverick

  When feeling this way, I always look at my friends. They are testimony that there are good parents, kind people in this world. So, take a look around you - I'm sure you'll see these qualities in the people you choose to share your time with. I'm sure your daughter reflects these qualities, you must be proud of her.

  talesin
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  Maverick

  Thank y-all for your imput. My daughters party last night went on until about 1:30AM. The keg is still cold and most all of the 40 or so friends she had over were great!

  I suppose when I was a dud I just skipped over all the negative stuff about shunning and all. I tend to be an idealist and look for the good in people not the bad. That's why I hated being an elder, and turned it down twice after a short stunt as one in So.Cal. I never had to personally deal with JC's or any of the "discipline" side of Dudland until my own wife got DF'd. It is so different sitting across from those morons, ( Elders) than sitting with them. And when they would give me advise on my daughter I would reflect on how their kids turned out, shake my head, and tune them out. If they were failures as parents, why should I do as they did? I have the advantage of working in peoples homes each week and seeing how their families interact. This helps me gage when my daughter is being 19 and should be cut some slack and when she has crossed the line and I should take in personal. I don't get it right all the time, but percentage wise I hit way more that I miss.

  In summary, as I tell my girl, "You make the best decision you can, based on the knowlegde you have at the time. Then you pay attention to the outcome, review it, and hopefully learn from it. That way, 50 years from now, you can look yourself in the mirror and not regret knowing the person staring back!" Maverick
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  Out At 22

  Mav, you are NOT from another planet. LOL You are a wonderful father who has stood behind and raised your daughter. Great job!

  I am Df'd. I was inactive from 22 till my Df'ing last Oct at 24 y/o. It has been very tough. Thankfully my parents haven't totally shunned me and are also getting thru the grief process. But it still angers me about the whole Df'ing in general. My older brother no longer speaks to me.

  Thumbs up to you!!

  Jessica
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  Prisca

  Maverick, I'm proud of you. You've done a great job raising your daughter. It's not easy, I know. My mother died when I was 11 and my father had to raise me. Main difference between you and him is that he threw me out of home when I was 18 because my step-mother demanded it.

  All that hard work you've put into raising Melia (is it short for Amelia?) is paying off, and will pay off in future years to come. Reading posts like yours helps me re-learn the belief that there are some good fathers out there.