zeb, your wife must live an isolated, out-of-the loop of the congregation from the gossip mill in all congregations. That happens some time when mate is not a jw or not one not attending.
Growing up, my father was not a jw (not until I was in my 20's and my parents were divorced).
After I reached my late teens, I saw first hand and heard out in service the real status, not happy but miserable, of many jw families.
I felt better after that knowing that I was not responsible for my family's problems and that being a "good" jw would never have fixed them.
It may seem strange for me to say, but I hope she wakes up to the real lives of jw families for her own sake and also yours though that may make her unhappier.