What has been your own personal experience of shunning?

by UnshackleTheChains 45 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • tepidpoultry

    Re: scratchme1010

    "I shunned them"

    I like this idea,

    I takes away their sense of control

    It pokes at their sense of self righteousness

    The Gospel writers had something to say about the latter

    I was appalled by Deborah Frances White's story

    of being detained in a Vancouver KH

    For interrogation

    Above the law even, apparently,

    There's a joke that goes around about if everlasting life involves

    Living forever with Jehovah's Witnesses

    They're not interested

    I concur


  • Disassociated Lady 2
    Disassociated Lady 2
    I was disfellowshipped at the age of 16 and saw my parents about 3 times (in passing) over 26 years. Got to see a little of my Dad before he died of cancer in 2015. When the funeral was over my mother shunned me again along with my two brothers. xxx
  • Rainbow_Troll
    it's interesting to see how many JWs love, love, love to shun and hear how much people are sad and in pain for it, but hate, hate, hate when the people they shun agree with being shunned, don't want the JWs in their lives and are happier for it. That's not supposed to happen according to the JW crap they are taught.

    That's an interesting perspective. It never occurred to me at the time of my initial shunning that I could reverse-shun my friends. Instead, I became a clingy stalker and tried everything to get them back (other than the one thing that would have actually worked: recanting my heretical views).

    For the last 3 years I've been shunning my JW mom. To be honest I've always felt a little guilty about it, but I do it anyways because I just personally cannot stand being around her now that she's become super-JW.

    Also, I suppose I'm getting back at her for getting me informally DFd in the first place. Her tattaling made it necessary for my friends to shun me to protect themselves, so now she gets to experience being shunned by someone she loves. I hope the sweet karma of her plight isn't lost on her.

    Does this make me just as bad as the JWs? Maybe worse, since I'm not being coerced like them.

  • jws

    I was never DF/DA, but they did give a talk about "marking" my brother and I. Which was like saying we're not going to officially tell you not to associate with them, but if you want to personally shun somebody, go right ahead.

    And many of the youth in the congregation did so. And some parents. Others didn't.

    It wasn't quite as bad as DF/DA. If I said hi to them, they might say or nod a hi back, but then leave. Or some very quick politenesses.

    Didn't really bother me much. I had always cultivated friendships outside of the JWs. I saw my friends at school 5 days a week and sometimes other times. My JW friends were mostly just acquaintances. Which I hardly did things with and only even had a chance to talk with before/after meetings.

    So in essence, this milder version of shunning didn't really affect me. Life was out there. Other things to do and concern myself with. You want to mark me, go ahead. I'm having much more fun with the things you're marking me over than your touch-and-go, walk-on-eggshells friendship. So, bye-bye.

    So the result pretty much is that it drove me closer to my worldly friends. Which helped a lot when I decided to quit in that I had a support network of friends to turn to. And I'm sure that doing things with worldly people also helped me think of the JWs as the "other" which helped me decide to leave too. Mostly Ray Franz's book caused me to stop cold-turkey, but there was also a growing mental divide that got wider with the marking.

    As for other DF/DA people and how I treated them, I had no problem. One cleaned the building where I worked. I always said hi to him. Which he later said he really appreciated. Once in a while we talked. But it was just the nod hello or word hello. Same with other DF'ed people I saw.

  • flipper

    UNSHACKLE the CHAINS- Thanks for this thread, very important and supportive to those of us who have experienced this shunning.

    God almighty, where do I begin ? I got out of the JW's about 14 years ago . Just stopped going, not DFed and I didn't disassociate. But essentially the fanatic JW's in my family have treated me like I'm DFed anyway. When my adult JW daughters got married, I was not allowed to walk either daughter down the aisle . I was not called by one of my daughters when she had her first baby. I found out on her Facebook page. Wasn't allowed to see my grandchild until 6 months of age. And that's because I went over uninvited stopping by randomly . My grandchild is almost a year and a half- have only seen the child 3 or 4 times at formal family affairs. Not enough to form a close relationship.

    My mom a JW who recently passed away was always supportive to me in my decision to exit the Witnesses years ago- but my older JW siblings and dad were not supportive. Even though I've occasionally called them to see how they are doing- they NEVER call me and my dad can't wait to hang up the phone on me when I call him to see how he is doing. An epic conversation with him lasts 3 minutes - only.

    I have a lot of resentment towards my still active JW family as they all treat me like I have the Black Plague or something. Fortunately- I have many ex-JW nieces and nephews and my son and wife whom I'm close to who are very supportive and kind. We all have really good relationships. But the sadness of losing my mom, and resentment of my older JW family treating me like doo-doo has recently led me to get some grief counseling from Snowline Hospice. I'm seeing a great counselor there and she is assisting me to work through these various sorrows and pains I feel.

    I have many good friends here as well I've met through this board and other non-JW friends who love me for who I am- and that is something I cherish. Having friends who accept you for WHO you are - not who they WANT you to be- which is something I'm not. Playing guitar , doing music, and writing songs has helped me cope with the pain as well. So, these things are my therapy. Take care, thanks for the thread

  • new boy
    new boy

    Because my exwife would have nothing to do with her DFed father or let him see his grand kids. He blow his brains out. Shunning kills.

  • new boy
    new boy

    It's really funny when you think about it. It's like the end of the movie "Invasion of the body snatchers" when she mets her best friend and he starts pointing and screaming at her. You now then it's just a matter of time before she is "snatched" too. Except we were the ones who were "possessed" but are now free and yes let's hope they can break free too one day too

  • Nicholaus Kopernicus
    Nicholaus Kopernicus

    I am still regarded as a JW. I am irregular at meetings and participation in "ministry". I have given answers in WT study which the BoE disliked such that I was approached on the matter. Since that time I have been silent, withdrawn from all "privileges", and haven't given WT money for over 3 years. I have refused BoE shepherding visit, encouragement visit, coffee and brotherly chat visit. Showing them that I know a thing or two about shunning as well!

    I am now shunned by most. That suits me fine. When I do occasionally attend I arrive just before meeting starts and leave immediately after.

    So contrary to the forthcoming convention theme, I am giving up. However it has been the untoward BoE conduct, appaling governance of the governing body, and the indiscretion of the F&D slave which caused me to embark upon withdrawal. They are simply incompetent!

  • sparrowdown

    Not DFed.

    Not DAed

    Not "known" as apostate.

    My crimes? Inactive and not at meetings. I am shunned with impunity even by people I barely knew.

    If you asked any one of these people any doctrinal question and the smart money is on them not being able to answer. But ask them for a list of who they are not supposed to associate with and they would be able to rattle off a list of names no worries at all.

  • tepidpoultry

Share this