What has been your own personal experience of shunning?
I don't remember how long I was dfed and I was at the mall. I seen a married sister whom I had a crush on come out of CVS walked right passed me while looking at me. For about 2 seconds I smiled and was getting ready to greet her. Then she walked right passed me without even a word.
I do remember at first feeling embarrassed and then hurt. Good thing I've always had thick skin.
Another time I was with my wife at the time (now my ex) at the broad st market and having the pho soup. A sister came over and chatted with my wife and after a few minutes not even acknowledging my existence. I got really upset and went on a loud profanity-laced tirade directed at her that got me barred from there by the security.
I realize getting bent out of shape like that didn't help my case. They're trained to think you're somehow possessed by demons when you get upset. But someone treating you that way is enough to get upset about. I was not possessed, I was genuinely pissed about being treated that way. How are you going to be all warm and friendly with someone I'm with and at the same time make it obvious you're trying to somehow teach me a lesson by ignoring my very existence when previously you didn't? That is just plain rude.
There are just too many instances to enumerate here. I'll be typing for hours. But it just really irritates me when previously you're all buddy buddy with me and caring and then just don't wanna talk to me for no reason. I never did anything to those people. Yet, they chose to treat me like I have some type of plague.
I've always felt that if it were really true (and I do not believe it is) that the only people left on Earth would be jws, I'd rather be dead.
Mrs Phizzy and I are simply "Faded", for nigh on a decade now, not DF or DA.
The slight shunning that has occurred from my JW family hurt a bit, all it involved was them not inviting us to family events, the Wedding of one of their children etc. We may well have chosen not to go, but the chance to express our love and our reasons would have been nice.
We have been blanked a number of times, but on the other hand a good number still greet us warmly, and ask about our kids and grandkids etc, all nice and normal, except no mention of religion etc, which suits us.
The funny ones that make me laugh are the ones who turn on their heel and scoot off when they see us, it's rare, but makes me chuckle.
It's amazingly revealing to be shunned.
It has convinced me more than ever that the JWs are nothing but a man made cult. No way (unless I was given millions of ££), would I ever return to that big business that poses as a religion.
It isn't so much the shunning, but the awful rumours that flow about you. A 'sister(tm)' told a relative of mine that I am 'the worst kind of person. An apostate(tm) and they never return to Jehovah(tm)'. My relative replied, 'I don't listen to rumours.'
Another rumour had me as leaving because I had a boyfriend and had turned gay.
Another one had me as the pastor of a church.
....and so it goes. They have to make a big deal of things.
So, the shunning is easy. The Jobos pretend not to see me. they look the other way or at the ground as they pass. One whole family saw me and turned their backs and faced in the opposite direction, doing so very deliberately and piously. Not long after, their daughter got DF'd for getting pregnant out of wedlock. Funny, they don't shun her. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
The shunning is something that has utterly and totally convinced me 100% that the JWs are just a man made, money grabbing cult. If it was supposed to guilt trip me back, it hasn't worked. Twots!
Thanks for all these experiences. I can feel the pain particularly when family have been involved. This policy is so cruel and divisive. If only I was aware of this horrible policy when I was studying, I would never have joined this religion. I was a young man who was easily influenced back then.
It is interesting that I had a conversation on the phone with my mother a while ago and discussed why I was missing so many meetings. I touched on some of the issues as to what was putting me off. Shunning was one of them. I told her that I found the video on shunning shown at last year's convention to be deeply alarming to me. Note: her and my wife know full well my views on TTATT.
Her answer, ' Well, if I was put in that situation, I would have to remain loyal to Jehovah'.
So basically she would shun me if I disassociated. I just let out a big sigh and was shaking my head. I kept thinking what on earth did you get me involved with all those years ago when she was constantly preaching to me as a 16 year old.
I absolutely 100% agree with Angus Stewart (ARC) when he suggested to Geoff Jackson that the Jehovah's Witnesses are a captive religion and that it divides families with their cruel shunning policy.
I figure this: I was shunned by some jws when I was a regular pioneer for many years and my husband was an elder and I was considered a good person by others. I never understood it.
Now that I am inactive for 16 years, few outright ignore me but a few run like I am Satan himself. You never know what the gossip mill churns out. Some jws forget if you were df'd or not and are afraid to ask you so just assume. One sister ignored me and then the next time she talked to me after she confirmed my status as inactive.
As to those who miss the good times in our lives, it is their choice in the end. I just found other people to share them with who appreciate me too. No pearls before swine borrowing a saying that has helped me.
Blondie - As to those who miss the good times in our lives, it is their choice in the end.
Agreed. A catholic friend of mine explained it this way to me: "A true friend sticks by you through thick and thin. Those that are friends dependant upon the rules of men in America to be your friend are not worth bothering with and were never real friends in the first place."
Some jws forget if you were df'd or not and are afraid to ask you so just assume. One sister ignored me and then the next time she talked to me after she confirmed my status as inactive.
That's actually quite funny blondie. It's so true. I recall a sister who disassociated about 20 years ago in another congregation. I vaguely recall what she looked like back then and didn't notice her as she was walking past our cart. She had changed slightly as obviously a little older. Yet, the older sister I was with said 'oh, that's that sister who was disfellowshipped' . And it was like she had the plague the way she said it.
The penny the dropped who it was and knew she had not been disfellowshipped, but had simply left in WT terms 'officially'
A friend of mine left the Jobos and got his Solicitor to send a 'cease and desist letter' to the elders to say that if they wanted to meet with him then the Solicitor would attend and if any announcement using his name was read out at the meetings there would be a court case.
The Jobos all shun him but he was never DF'd or DA'd. Nothing was ever read out at the meeting(tm).
Yet still they shun. I'd venture to add, with some, it's their little pathetic power trip.
My mum is gone now but she had nothing to do with us for years and virtually ignored her granddaughter. I saw one sister at my cousin's funeral last year but we didn't speak. My other sister I havn't seen since my dad's funeral in 2004. My brother came to my husband's funeral but dropped me later on again. Sometimes it would be nice to have a 6'2" man around to help me but he told me after I D'aed he's only interested in hearing from me if I'm destitute or desperate.
Yes I've had people walk past me in the street but we moved here twenty years ago and there isn't a JW congregation here, hooray, so we don't see witnesses. The nearest cong. is five miles away and they have us down as a do not call, which suits me.
I didn't see my nephews grow up. We weren't invited to my nephew's wedding and we will never see his son, almost two now I think. Of course my childhood friend, my pioneer partner and everyone I knew from childhood to thirty years shun us.
It's their loss. I have a beautiful, intelligent daughter they will never know. People in my life like me and have been there for me so who needs them.
I felt your pain in every word you typed. That is just so sad.
Thank you, but I don't think that I am in pain. I have my personal preference on how things should have turned out in relationship with my JW family, but if you look at the things in my life that I have and have accomplished, pain isn't exactly what comes to mind. I have a good fulfilling life.
Most importantly I have my family of choice. I am not alone, never have been. Furthermore, when I look at what/who/how they are, I'm more thankful I broke away from them than sorry. Plus, please don't make the assumption that because they are the JWs, they are the only ones in the position to shun. I chose not to have them in my life. I shunned them.
In fact, it's interesting to see how many JWs love, love, love to shun and hear how much people are sad and in pain for it, but hate, hate, hate when the people they shun agree with being shunned, don't want the JWs in their lives and are happier for it. That's not supposed to happen according to the JW crap they are taught.