confused with nowhere to turn

Rebecca

I'm 43 and a divorced mother of 2. In January 2019 I met the man I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. We were happy and even though our relationship wasn't perfect (like all relationships) I thought we had a chance and were building a life together with our young kids.

Background on me - I've been divorced since 2012 after 12 years of marriage. I've had a few failed relationships until I met this last guy. I knew he was raised JW but he was not practicing and we went to a non denomination Christian church (I was raised Catholic and this was a good compromise).

Fast forward to 2 days after we all celebrated Xmas he ends our relationship over night because he says he is "recommitting his life to God" and "fighting to be reinstated with JW". I'm numb! He is sorry and apologizing repeatedly for doing this but he feels this is the "right thing" and he needs to "clear his conscience" with God. He calls our relationship "immoral" because we are not married but that was never a problem until now. His whole family is JW and his mother is very sick. He was kicked out or left, I'm not sure which, about 18 years ago and in between his had 2 kids out of wedlock by 2 women, been to jail and has battled with addiction prior to meeting me. He is now clean and sober for over a year, has a good job and spends time with his kids. I also feel that his family have a strong pull on this situation because even though they all turned their backs on him when he was going through hard times, they are now so welcoming and everyone is coming out to support his decision to return. I'm heart broken and so confused. I've never met any of these people but I feel like the weed in the flower bed that needs to be eradicated. I can just imagine what they think.

I have tried to reason with him. He claims we have a difference in religious belief but really we both believe in God and we both are Christian. The problem now is that he will not meet me half way, he is not willing to compromise. He ended the relationship and now the only way is his way, the JW way. I have searched deep in my heart and even though I love him dearly, I feel I can't comply for my sake and the sake of my young kids. I'm so confused, why would God take him away from us? Why now when everything was going well for him and we were happy?

What should i do? How can I make him see that he doesn't need to be back in JW to be a Christian and to be close to God? Or have I lost him forever? Does God truly not want us to be together?

I'm usually a very private person but this situation has never presented itself to me and i don't know who else to turn to. I don't even know if I should be posting this here...

Thank you for listening.

Becky

truth_b_known

God has nothing to do with this. We are free moral agents. God would violate the free will he has given your loved one by making him stay or go.

The real question is - Why now has your loved one decided to abandon you and your family?

It sounds like he suffers from what so many people suffer from, especially men, which is an over-attachment to his parents. When a grown man still allows his desire to please his parents override his own happiness in life he is bound for marital failure.

Have him read Matthew 25:38-46 out loud to you. The remind him who it was who stayed by his side during his difficult times. Then ask him who was acting Christ like and who was not. Educate him that Jehovah's Witnesses condemned shunning/disfellowshipping as an unloving, pagan practice up until 1952. Did the Holy Spirit mislead Jehovah's Witnesses for nearly 83 years? Why was something condemned in writing as a pagan practice for 83 years suddenly alright to practice. That would be like saying Christmas is wrong to celebrate for 83 years and then suddenly its alright.

Then ask him to use only the Bible and only the 4 Gospels to prove a person must be one of Jehovah's Witnesses to find favor with God or one must accept the Gospel of Christ and be baptized to find salvation? I will give you a clue - you can't prove the first, but the you can prove the latter.

Ask your loved one a hypothetical - if you parents and siblings all died at today in a car crash would you still want to go back? If he's honest with you he would say, "No." Then ask him if he is leaving you for God or for his family. In the end, we should never marry a person who puts their parents before their spouse.

sir82

Account #12.478 (I think, literally) over the past year of "I'm a female non-JW, I started dating a JW man, then he dumped me because he wants to be a JW again".

All 12,478 stories are virtually identical.

Not sure what it all means.

Cadellin

Becky, I am so sorry for your pain. The religion can have a powerful hold on people. You have identified the situation quite correctly--he wants to re-connect with his family, not necessarily God. JWs shun, as you know, and in this case, the shunning is working. My suggestion? Pick up your life and move on. I cannot imagine how difficult or painful this will be for you, but unless you are willing to become a JW hook, line and sinker, there is probably little alternative.

iwantoutnow

DUMP HIS ASS - Free yourself from bondage and unhappiness!

carla

You need to research jw's in general. You do not have a handle at all on what life with a jw would mean to you, your children and relationship. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you if you have not been told yet but jw's are in fact a dangerous and sometimes deadly cult. Research the no blood policy, how they hide and protect pedophiles, abuses, spiritual abuses, practice extreme shunning, biblical doctrines, etc... etc... By the way, jw's are not Christian.

jw.facts.com is an excellent place to start.

Read this forum or others to see all the heartache the jw's cause all over the world. They destroy families and relationships daily.

Find someone more suited to real family, real unconditional love and someone who will have the courage to say no to 'church' or family for the love of a good woman.

Wishing you well on your recovery from your broken heart. You probably dodged a bullet and so have your children. Protect your children, it's your job. Protect yourself and your heart, you deserve better.

Why can't you have a relationship with him when he gets reinstated? If you like some old men in NY to control the following then go for it-

The gb (governing body) control the following: (not a complete list as it would take a book)

your sex life, what you can & can't do in the bedroom

what you & your man can wear

what holidays you can celebrate (only a wedding anniversary and the reject Jesus memorial)

who you should associate with

who you vote for (nobody as jw's don't vote)

no girlscout cookies

what you can read for pleasure

what you can watch -tv or movies - never R rated and many pg are out too

what you can discuss with people

if you can have 'spiritual' discussions with significant others who are not jw's

your time- weekday meetings, Sat morn field service (fs) and Sunday another 4 hours or so, if you or he become super dubs (term for jw's) you will pioneer and that is like a no paid part time job. Then there are assemblies and conventions to consider. One day for assemblies and 3 days for conventions.

what websites you can visit- hint, not this one

what you can research about God, bible, biblical history etc... no need to research anything! in fact if you do they will be suspicious of you

and the list could go on.....

Perks of being a jw?

you can lie with impunity due to their spiritual warfare policy

you can be a glutton and become obese, they don't seem to care about that one

you can become an alcoholic as long as it is not known and you don't give their god jah (jehovah) a bad name

ditto if you like to physically abuse people and children

ditto if you like to sexually abuse children

you can become a self righteous ass and feel confident because all your friends at the kh (kingdom hall) are exactly like you. Oddly you get to also feel like a sub human piece of garbage because you are never doing enough for jah and the organization either

you can forget those pesky gray areas in life as now everything is black and white

you no longer have to worry about what you will believe because as soon as the next video (or literature) from NY comes out they will tell you what to believe

instant 'friends'- naw, just kidding, they are only your friends as long as you tow the company line, veer outside of the line and there goes all your friends and family.

If you don't like certain family members including children you can easily off them if they are ever in need of blood, just say no to blood

Goodness, I'm on a roll! don't get me started.....

redvip2000

I'm so confused, why would God take him away from us?

The good news is.. he didn't do that. And he also didn't feed, clothe or treat any of the hungry and sick, or homeless either. He doesn't exist.

Now, could it be your bf is using his new-found moral ground as an excuse to end things? As shocking as it might seem, men go to great lengths to dream up excuses to end relationships in order to move to other things.

JoenB75

It seems better to try to move on. Sounds like a troubled guy and their shunning, blood etc could give you and your loved ones further headache. It is sadly a sad religion with a lot of not only heresy but also a lot of control and abuse

Number 6

As someone in a second marriage with step-children my question is this?

Did you trust him enough to allow him into your chilrens lives? If the answer to that is yes, then he has let you down badly.

Your children may have become fond of him and attached, then he does this?

Run, as far and as fast as you can get away from him. You deserve better.

tiki

You say " I have tried to reason with him". There is the first mistake. This cult destroys sanity and locks its participants into a strange place. Do what is best for you. The history that you put out has more than enough red flags even if crazy religion were not in the mix. Think carefully and proceed intelligently.

confused with nowhere to turn

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