Since this board is filled with so many different personalities, do you ever go out of your way to try to make people feel good? Do we ever consider that we might make some persons feel unwanted because of constant criticisms? I've communicated with one poster recently that's become discouraged over how some people constantly berate or disparage.....If you knew you were hurting somebody's feelings, would you do so intentionally? Would you re-evaluate how or what you say?
Do You Try To Make People Feel Comfortable Around You?
by minimus 34 Replies latest jw friends
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StinkyPantz
Mini-
Don't even get me started. . . .
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shotgun
Do it everyday...change myself to suit the people I'm around just to make them feel better or more comfortable. I do it on the forum to an extent as well, I've always been kind of sarcastic in a humourous way and most times people see the humour. I have noticed there are some on this forum which hardly ever see the humour and become offended by comments from sixofnine, rem or logan. My motto has always been you don't have to be crazy to like me but it sure helps.
I think alot of people change themselves to suit others, then when you have had a couple drinks the sheilds come down and things are said which a person usually thinks but never says.
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minimus
Stinky, I think that you're one of the sharpest persons here. I know you enjoy the banter and pushing some buttons, too. But I don't think that you would ever want to make someone feel unwanted or so uncomfortable that they would be hesitant to post. I don't see you as that type of person. So I'm not talking about razzing someone or tweaking a person just a bit. I'm talking about actually, knowingly and purposely hurting a person or making them feel sad and unwanted.
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Lady Lee
Well basically I'm just me. Most of the time I speak from the heart so I don't have to worry too much about hurting people. But sometimes.... when I get angry I know I need to reread before I click on that post button... and usually wind up deleting what I was going to post... I got what I needed out without putting something out there that might hurt someone... and well sometimes something does need to be said so I try to find a kinder, more tactful way to say it.
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StinkyPantz
Mini-
Well thanks for the compliments. I never deliberately hurt anyone, but it seems to happen nevertheless. I try to let the person know publicly or privately that I am sorry. I try to explain myself and/or my actions and it has been successful 99% of the time. I think that problems need to be resolved, not "dropped". Since when has anything good come from just being dropped and left lying there? Yeah, we can walk around it and try to ignore it, but in the end, it's still right there in the middle of the floor molding. That being said, I think that there are people that don't like me and they know how to upset me, so they do, because past issue were "dropped" and not resolved. My problem is that I refuse to ignore it, which brings me down to their level, and ultimately making me look bad.
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You asked: If you knew you were hurting somebody's feelings, would you do so intentionally?
It think that we are all human and childish at times. If someone has offended us in the past, we might feel some satisfaction in pushing their buttons.
Would you re-evaluate how or what you say?
Maybe, but I've found that with some people niceness doesn't work. Some people take advantage of that and use the opportunity to stomp on you some more.
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frenchbabyface
Lady lee : Well basically I'm just me ... RIGHT
and basically they don't care or they run away -
unique1
If you knew you were hurting somebody's feelings, would you do so intentionally
Possibly, I can be a mean drunk if I am PMS'ing.
Would you re-evaluate how or what you say?
I do that alot. I am pretty brash and straight forward, kind of "no holds barred", but at work I am very kind to everyone. On weekends I avoid having long conversations with my brother in laws girlfriend because she twists words and gets very offended (whatever) and I don't cuss around my parents, witnesses or fellow employees, but at home I cuss like a sailor.
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minimus
I agree that some people will not try to be nice for whatever reasons...oh well.....But I think that most persons in general, would rather try to get along than not. Most persons are not uncaring and unkind. I like to try to give the benefit of the doubt to people. I try to consider their background, their present life and their emotional state. As was pointed out to me by another poster here, not everyone is on the same plane here. What WE feel as far as a person knowing better, well, they just might not be "there" yet. Some are quicker than others to grasp things. And that's OK! But, we still should consider the feelings of others and TRY to make people feel good here.
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JH
I always try to make people feel comfortable around me. Anyone can make mistakes and say things that could be understood differently by different people, but if you have a pure heart and good intensions, people will feel comfortable around you. But, there are always exceptions, people who see things differently and don't feel comfortable even posting on the same boards as others.