It doesn’t make Sense

by HappyBlessedFree 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • dubstepped

    Cognitive dissonance is a $&%)!

    The worst are often those that were never fully in, so it doesn't betray them quite the same, or they didn't lose as much, or weren't hurt by it. So they still hold to it. It's like how the more voracious defenders online often were just raised around it and never got the full JW experience.

    You'll just have to give him time, if you choose. It doesn't sound like he cares enough to really get into figuring it out. It's just a thing, no big thing, and meh. And if he can't face being wrong then he'll live a long life of denial, wasting his time.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    I think it is a clever strategy to continuously remind him of his "theocratic obligations." Make sure he has a suit shirt and tie ready to put on, that his service bag is "ready to go" for field service. Put a few condoms in the bag so they can be accidentally discovered.

  • Anders Andersen
    Anders Andersen
    He says “You have let yourself be deceived”.

    That's actually a great conversation point. Start a general conversation about how one can find out if they are deceived or not. Don't drag JWism into that conversation; if anything, try to keep it out.
    First try and see if you both can agree on how a person can discover if they are (being) deceived.

    Could anyone be deceived? What about you? What about him?

    What personality traits and behavior would make people have a higher/lower risk of being deceived?
    Would unquestioning trust put someone at risk?
    What about limiting one's information intake?
    What about declaring some topics as off-limits for doubt, discussion, dissent?


    Once you can find some common ground there, you can build on it to see if either of you are deceived. At first you could present it as a way for both of you to find out if you are deceived. Don't try to be right. Don't try to defend you. Try to make him think, even if it's a single hidden 'aha' moment in his brain.

    He is the type of person that will never admit he’s wrong. Thinks he’s the smartest man around. And admits he struggles with humility.

    Interesting. Just this week I read this: Intellectually humble people tend to possess more knowledge, study finds. People who think they know it all, actually know less. Lol.

    He compared me to Eve.

    At first I thought that's just lame and sad. But when he brings that up again, don't take it as an insult of trying to blame you for his own failure (which it really appears to be).
    What he is also saying is that he loves you more than he loves Jehovah, and he loves living and dying with you more than living forever without you. So thank him for that (sincerly, not sarcastically). Or ask him if that is his motivation. Because that would be really sweet.Additionally if you look at it that way, there is zero need to feel guilty...
    (Of course it could also be that he doesn't yet know he doesn't actually believe in the JW God and paradise and eternal death).

  • blondie

    People shouldn't make religious decisions based on what their spouses are doing. It is a personal decision that continues even if the spouse makes another decision. Traditionally, women are delegated to being the center of religious life in a family. Maybe he has always let you take the lead in the schedule in that area and now can't do it on his own.

  • LongHairGal


    I spoke too soon and you actually HAVE been bothered. Sorry to hear that.

    You say they are coming to his job? I guess they won’t call at your home because you are there. The religion has lost many people and they will do all they can not to lose another man.

    If he had the mind of a ‘fader’, he would be clever enough to dodge them. But, if he blabs to them and encourages unwanted visits (at his job no less), he’s going to be very annoyed by all this.

    I hope things get better for you.

  • blondie

    I wonder how many men stay in when their wives stop going? Traditionally, women determine the religious activity of the family. In general, how many men would still go to church if their wives stopped; how many started going to church when they married and their wives insisted?

    It is his responsibility before his god to make it his personal decision not blame someone else.

    Men as well women who stay have a different status in the congregation when their jw

  • john.prestor

    Honestly, it might not come down to what the guy believes, it might come down to how those beliefs makes him feel. You might talk theology but he's thinking emotion, pride, intellectual prowess, that kinda thing.

  • KimD

    I feel for you....I have a feeling that he may come around eventually. Hang in there :)

  • zeb
  • KimD

    Sounds like he may eventually come around....hang in there...

Share this