My JW mother asks me to be 2nd on her "Medical Directive" card

by OnTheWayOut 9 Replies latest jw friends

  • OnTheWayOut

    My mother's parents, my grandparents were not JW. My JW mother had medical power of attorney and her husband (never JW) was secondary on that. When Grandma needed blood, Mom let her husband sign off. Going back in ancient family history, when my brother was sick with Leukemia in the early 1970's, my JW mother stayed silent about his medical treatment and let my father (never JW) sign off on blood.

    So she's always found the loophole to let people get what they need.

    It's happened before and it's happening again- apparently, it's time to sign a new medical directive. So she asks me to be second after her (never JW) husband for medical power of attorney (or whatever the specific term is). I agreed. My mother is in generally good health. I can foresee her husband caving in to giving blood to her. If I can see it, I imagine my mother can see it. Then if he's not able, I might honor her wishes. But I might cave in also, depending on the situation.

    She said she doesn't want the elders making decisions. My JW wife did ask me a few years ago to sign her card and honor her wishes. Maybe she will also ask me again. I know we argue here whether we should honor their wishes or not and I am not wanting this to turn into such an argument. I mean it when I say I will honor their wishes, but I just may change my mind if I think it will make a difference.

  • Dagney

    Interesting. Good on her.

  • GrreatTeacher

    When my parents were in a severe car accident last year, one of the most hurtful things was that the children could not make decisions for their parents.

    I would sign that thing in a minute and then make my own decision if it were ever necessary.

  • millie210

    I like your approach and thought process on this OTWO.

    Being a person who can make the tough calls in the moment is a valuable trait to have. Your whole family seems to turn to you in medical matters of trust.

    Your mom sounds like a lot of witnesses that will defer to others when they can (myself included a few years back included).

  • laverite

    "She said she doesn't want the elders making decisions." Wow. THAT is interesting! It's also interesting that she's found a way for things to happen in the past without being directly involved. I like her.

  • flipper

    OTWO- It's interesting that your mom doesn't " want the elders making decisions " . To me that indicates that she'd possibly WANT a blood transfusion if she needed it. Otherwise - she would have had an elder sign her blood card. So if it were my mom telling me this- I'd go ahead and sign as a 2nd on her blood card and do what's necessary to save her life in emergency situations. More important it is for your mom to live and save her life than to answer to a fantasy mind control cult. Good luck with the situation

  • nicolaou
    I know we argue here whether we should honor their wishes or not and I am not wanting this to turn into such an argument. I mean it when I say I will honor their wishes, but I just may change my mind if I think it will make a difference.

    Yes, we all had our say in that topic and I'm happy to leave it there. I just hope you never have to face that choice OTWO but if you do I believe you'll do the right thing.

  • BluesBrother

    Thanks for sharing this QTWO. I am no expert but I just wonder whether , in the latest incarnation of the Blood Card , signing it actually gives that responsibility and opportunity to override the card?

    One paragraph in the text reads [NB The U K Card ]

    3) No Lasting Power of Attorney nor any other document that may be in force should be taken as giving authority to disregard or override my instructions set forth herein. Family members, relatives, or friends may disagree with me, but any such disagreement does not diminish the strength or substance of my refusal of blood or other instructions

    The counter signers are as 2 Witnesses :

    STATEMENT OF WITNESSES: The person who signed this document did so in my presence. He or she appears to be of sound mind and free from duress, fraud, or undue influence. I am 18 years of age or older

    Another section that would have to be struck out to avoid elder involvement is :

    I consent to my relevant medical records and the details of my condition being shared with the Emergency Contact below and/or with member(s) of the Hospital Liaison Committee for Jehovah’s Witnesses.

    That statement requires the cardholders signature

    There are then just details of an Emergency contact (not signed ) and Registered doctor information

    I am no lawyer ,what do you think?

  • EndofMysteries

    I'd accept, then when the time comes, if it's needed or definitely would die, then accept it. She can be as mad as she wants to be, it won't be on her conscious and she would probably secretly be glad you did.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I had not abandoned this thread. I have read all responses. When I have some time, I will start responding. Thanks.

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