The long, boring, and pointless story of CZAR - with happy ending!

by czarofmischief 35 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  czarofmischief

  Just wanted to correct one massive oversight on my part - the role of JWD in setting my mind free.

  You see, up until two years ago, I had no internet access. And I was still being a half dub. But through the exchanges of encouragment here - I've been able to gradually begin doing things I've always wanted to do - like pursue the life I've always wanted, listen to heavy metal, celebrate Xmas, Halloween, my frigging BIRTHDAY! Guilt free!

  So, thanks Simon, and Angharad, for giving up your husband's time and working on this to make it the incredible success it is. Well done, old bean, well done.

  CZAR
• 

  cruzanheart

  (((((Czar))))) [*watching out for the pins*] That's quite a story, and VERY well written! Pittsburgh, eh? My dad was born and raised in the New Brighton/Beaver Falls area. I'm glad you are spreading your wings and flying toward the sun now. Isn't the freedom just WONDERFUL? I'm glad you've found someone loving with whom you can share your life, and are finding a measure of peace after life with the Borg.

  Lots of love,

  Nina
• 

  Ravyn

  lots and lots of parallels....thank you for writing it all down blue one.

  Ravyn
• 

  Panda

  Czar, Thank you for sharing such deep and personal experiences. I really appreciate your writing too. I wonder have you shared your view of your parents lives with them. I ask because I would be peer to them and if a son came to me with your view I would have to listen no matter what kind of trouble he had gotten into. If I were your Mother I'd want to know these things from your heart. Maybe she needs a copy of your post. A hard copy that she could re-read. Also, bi-polar and schizophrenia are usually hereditary, did someone else in your family suffer besides you and your brother? Panda hugs. I'll PM you.
• 

  run dont walk

  czar, you are never boring, great story btw, took alot of guts to spill your story for everyone to read.
• 

  Disheartened

  Czar,

  Your story was an excellent read! I can definitely tell through your writing what a truly gifted person you are. As far as your experiences, it never ceases to amaze me how the organization lacks so much love. I remember they always used to stress the scripture at John 13:35- where Jesus said that others would recognize his followers by the love among themselves. Well, if that's not a sure sign that JW is NOT the true religion, I don't know what is. I know you have been through a lot and I can sympathize and relate to your story.

  You see, up until two years ago, I had no internet access. And I was still being a half dub. But through the exchanges of encouragment here - I've been able to gradually begin doing things I've always wanted to do - like pursue the life I've always wanted, listen to heavy metal, celebrate Xmas, Halloween, my frigging BIRTHDAY! Guilt free!

  I am happy to hear that you have found true love despite everything and that you are living your life. I hope you will continue to have such a positive attitude. Even though I no longer attend the kh, I never celebrated any of the holidays because I figured-I never celebrated them anyway, so what's the use? This year will be different, though. I will be celebrating Christmas, Thanksgiving and any other holiday I can think of. Thanks again for sharing your story. I really enjoyed it.

  Traci
• 

  larrynbabies

  CZAR, I must say that you have responded to my posts with an insight that can only be given by someone who has lived through and delt with the true nightmares of depression. You seemed to know when I needed a kick in the ass. You also showed empathy when appropriate. I have often wondered what made you tick. your post has given us an insight to who you are. I have read into personality profiles and have myself been catogorized as an NTNP introvert with thought and perseption. I dont like crowds I am very perceptive and bullshit really seems like an incredible waste of time. I do not have alot of patience for people who are showy or in your face. I respect your ability to have at least tried to adhear to the teachings of your youth but at the same time remained open minded enough to see the othe sides of reality and how the unreasonable confilct indicated by the orgs disspleasure that would otherwise be called growing up was a point of confiction for you.

  You were man enough to make astand and not fall back into the flock of sheep that are led aimlessly around for the greater good. You will continue to fight battles and with a level head you I believe will win most of them. and be better off for it. I can say though that you must ry and not let cynisism quide you through.Use it as a tool or a reference. but by all means do not let IT guide you. You will find yourself looking back on some very empty victories if you do.

  You have a very interesting life in front of you. Keep a hold of the BI Polar thing and dont let it trip you up. At this point I dont think you will let it though.

  Keep on Keeping on Mr. Czar sir.

  Larrynbabies
• 

  SheilaM

  Czar: Wow I usually don't like reading such long posts. I was captivated with this one. Your story and it's ending is soooooo much like Thunders see us worldy girls love you guys huh?

  Continue to heal and leave the crap behind.
• 

  nowisee

  hello czar,

  i was moved by your story. thank you. and (though i am 20 years older than you) there are some common themes in our stories. do you know or have you heard of the severuds? fred severud was the engineer of the st louis arch -- from western pa., converted my father in the l930's. my parents also preached in a frenzy in the 40's during wwII, thinking armageddon any second.... well throughout my life it was always going to be any second.

  anyway, i well remember your kind words to me when i was new to this board; i appreciated your compassion so much.

  please know that my best thoughts and wishes are with you.

  nowisee
• 

  czarofmischief

  Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful words.

  I'm impressed with the power of everyone here to heal and move on. Everyone has the power to help themselves - and I firmly believe that God will show us the way.

  Power to the People!

  CZAR