Update: My current situation

by Issa 15 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Issa

    It's been about two months since I stopped attending meetings, came to the conclusion that the org is not the truth, and I'm currently dealing with some problems since leaving the org. I want to discuss these problems and hopefully get helpful advice.

    Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime's work, but it's worth the effort - Fred Rogers

    My current situation in this: I faded and hold off on writing a disassociation letter.

    I talked to my parents about what I learned from the truth behind the org and why I decided to leave it for good. My mother took it fairly okay. On the other hand, my father insists me to talk to the elders. My confrontation with my father was like this: I made a Google Slides presentation highlighting the history of the org, the flip flops of doctrine, the governing body members of the org, the failed end-of-the-world prophecies, and the policy of the no blood transfusion and child abuse within the org. I directed them to videos that confirmed that child abuse exists in the org (a look at the case of Candance Conti and the Australian Royal Commission where Geoffrey Jackson "clarifies" the two witness policy).

    My mother is pretty open-minded about me talking the truths of the org.

    I've been getting text messages from sisters and a brother asking how I am doing. I know their intentions are good, but I'm not replying them (I accidentally answered a phone call from a sister on my mother's phone). One alternative that's been suggested to me is simply reply "this is the wrong phone number, I'm not....."

    How should I react when I meet any sister or brother? I try to avoid meeting them, but at any point I will meet them again.

    My problem is my father insisting me that I should talk to the elders. So far, only one elder texted me to know how I am doing. From what I've been researching and hearing, Judicial Committees are the worst. I'm not planning or even considered meeting with the elders.

    Another problem is that my siblings (one left the org for personal reasons, the other was studying with a witness) are treating me harshly than before. This is one of the consequences that I accepted, even so, it pains me that my siblings are reacting this way. I can't talk about why the org is not the truth without getting backlash from my sisters.

    This forum is a great opportunity to get to know others and their experiences when they left the organization. It's great, I like it, and I hope to get as much help as well as helping others. I've been busy lately and this is an update on my current situation. Thank you for reading and please give me some advice, it's very helpful.

    God Bless

  • Normalfulla

    Issa ... congratulations on waking up , also great that yr parents haven't totally flipped out , yes the talk to the elders response is their magic fix that all jw are trained to run to with these problems however you know there are no answers they will give to the truths you have discovered..

    When first fading ,my experience sounds similar to yrs , people trying to contact me etc, elders wI'll try to meet with you to fix u and get you back , the best bit of advice that worked for me which I gleamed from here is ...the only power or authority they have over you is what you allow them to have , I never met with elders ,2 rang me on a conference call and 2 turned up on my doorstep (my wife answered the door I was out ) and they eventually got the message that I wasn't coming back , I did relay some of my.concerns on the phone , arc ,Beth sarim ,shunning, overlapping generation so they knew the road I was on

    In time they left me alone but have since had marking talks about association with us to the cong ,

    Expect the worst , every persons experience is a little different but for fast faders I think u will be shunned by most ,it's awful and cruel to be treated like some piece of dirt for just finding out facts about the org but it's the price we pay

    Good luck

  • tepidpoultry

    Build the best social network you can, in person (Meetup) and social media ie Facebook as in exiting you will lose all your friends and associates, you need friends for your emotional well being,


  • tepidpoultry

    Side note: Don't talk to new friends and associates about you and the jws they won't get it,


  • Finkelstein

    How should I react when I meet any sister or brother?

    Just be polite and say you've come to some other pertaining understand of the WTS.

    Under personal evaluation, some with scriptural backing you cant faithfully support this organization anymore which has a publishing business operating at its core.

    Leave it at that and say you dont want to intentionally stumble anyone so you'll just leave it at that.

    Do not go into a long debate and be firm because you know they are going to try and open you up.

    To tell the truth to them personal will only get you labeled as an apostate and the shunning will start.

    That you can believe in.

  • Chook

    Without sounding to selfish you really need to do what is best for yourself, going cold turkey from cult influence is the only sound course, everything else is a compromise of self worth. Hard decision family blood or sanity.

  • scratchme1010

    Thank you for sharing your story. Not sure if what i want to do is give advice, but I'd like to share a few thoughts on your post, and please understand that they are just that, my thoughts.

    Something you posted made me think:

    My current situation in this: I faded and hold off on writing a disassociation letter.

    I think that two months of not attending meetings cannot be considered that you "faded". The rest of your post is about all you're going through with your relationship with your JW parents, the fact that you feel the need to show them "the light", the slide presentation about all the research... all those elements indicate (at least to me) that you are still quite far from fading.

    I'm starting to see a lot of people talking about fading as if not attending meetings is the one and only thing that one needs to do. How is/will be your life outside the WT? Do you have any support, friends, family, a career, education plans, a way of being self-sufficient, a way of supporting yourself financially, emotionally and spiritually without the need of dealing with JWs, including your family?

    I'm not saying that you should go back, but leaving the WT like that - just my thoughts - doesn't mean that their influence is far from your reach.

    And I'm curious about something: why did you have that conversation with your parents? It shouldn't surprise you that one of them or both will try to make you go back. Seems like that creates more problems for you than anything else.

    Maybe something that can help is learning a little more about negative influence, and how brainwashing and being under the control of groups like the WT impact people's behavior and actions. You already learned on your own that the Wt is not the truth. Maybe you can learn a little more about why in spite of that fact they are still around, and why there are people like your father and the sisters texting you, insisting in you coming back.

    You may find learning about that quite interesting and useful. That can help you work with your loved ones who are still JWs.

  • Akid48

    i want to say when it comes to your dad dont talk to the elders dont.Now right as im typeing this my family knows that i dont like the jw thing any more and every day i have to deal with my family members telling me to talk to the elders.From what i know its your doom dont.

  • smiddy3

    Whatever you do ,do not meet with Elders or participate in a Judicial meeting and if you are ever confronted with an Elder be non committal and evasive at all times and never meet with two of them .

    Always use an excuse to get away from them .

    They have no power over you unless you give it to them

    In reality they are nobodys in the world they are only somebody in the religion if you give them that power.

  • OnTheWayOut

    I will join the chorus of saying "Don't meet with the elders." You showed so much to your dad and he would follow up to be sure you met with them to show them the same things. And a computer slide presentation is a sure ticket to a judicial committee or at least a forced disassociation. Just insist to Dad that you are okay just leaving it be.

    Part of fading to keep family relations is to know where to stop. Your mom was receptive to at least allowing you your point of view, but Dad not so much. So you may have to tell him, "I don't want to see the elders, but I will stop trying to show you my point of view, and we can just be family without this between us." You can probably literally lay it out for him. "I don't want to get disfellowshipped, I just want to be a family."

    Other than not meeting with them, don't worry that you might bump into them or they might try to trap you into a meeting. Refuse to say anything beyond "I am fine" and chit-chat stuff. The moment any JW tries to get you into talking about Jehovah and meetings and YADDA YADDA, just go back to "I am fine. Call you if I need to. How about that [weather/sports team]?" They only have power over you if you give it to them.

    Edited to add: Probably need to do the same with siblings as with Dad. Try "We don't need to talk about this" and then don't talk about the religion. You might still lose some people over your fade, but it's on them, not you. At least by ceasing to talk religion, they may be receptive to you in years to come when family needs to reach out to each other over family deaths, illnesses, weddings, etc.

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