The Enormity of It All

by Swan 11 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Swan

  Occasionally the enormity of it all just comes flooding back in on me. At times it just seems so overwhelming. At times it seems so incredibly fantastic so as to be unbelievable. They say truth is stranger than fiction. I think that is true in my case. At times it seems so strange that comprehending the enormity of it and the impact in my life is elusive at best; humbling and self-defeating at worst.

  I knew something was wrong when I left, but I wasn't sure what. I just knew that for me to pursue my life and my feelings felt more right to me than continuing to be a JW. But now that I'm out I have learned more and more of what I once would have considered unimaginable.

  Growing up I felt blessed to be a JW. Our family was special. JWs were special. We were God's chosen people. We did strange things compared to others, but that was because it was pleasing to Jehovah, and he would save us and only us in the great tribulation coming soon.

  When you were raised wearing rose colored glasses, you think the whole world is that hue. There is no way to prepare for the devastation ahead when you find out that it was all a lie. Everything. None of it was real. None of it had any substance whatsoever. Like being raised on a movie set, you walk through a door one day to find it is all just a facade. The enormity of the lie, the world they created for you to live in, the mindset you once excepted as normal, is sometimes too huge to comprehend yourself, much less explain to others who grew up "normal."

  Tammy
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  PurpleV

  I was happy when I found out it was all a lie.

  I didn't want to live forever with nothing but jws around me.
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  Utopian Reformist

  I was secretly relieved to find out the truth. I felt a great burden that I always secretly resented in the deepest parts of me was finally removed once and for all.
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  talesin

  Tammy,

  I have had those feelings many times. Here's one thing that has helped me put them in perspective.

  What is also fantastic and enormous is that I was able to see reality and leave. Something inside me craves truth and freedom, so much so that I escaped JW. We're almost exactly the same age (by the date on yr posts) and were both born into it. We grew up at a time when girls were not supposed to question, yet even so, we have overcome that early childhood training.

  So look in the mirror when you're feeling overwhelmed and say, "Look at this amazing womin! She is so strong, so smart. She can do anything. And she is not alone." Then give yourself a pat on the back and a huge hug from me.

  someone who understands

  tal
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  czarofmischief

  Yep.

  Right on, Swan. And the best thing is that you don't have to listen to their threats of Armageddon anymore! Their promises have never panned out, and neither have their threats! And they know Armageddon isn't coming anytime soon, because why would they spend all their time checking heads and reading minds if God was going to come along and peel us apart in a few years anyway???

  Freedom is dizzying, but once the initial panic is over, you will grow and adapt to fit the world around you.

  CZAR
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  Thunder Rider

  Swan,

  Now your life is yours alone to share with friends and family that choose to love you rather than pretending to because of the commonality of religeous beliefs. You get to live free of the guilt heaped on the rank and file dubs, and see the world through the eyes of exploration. Follow your dreams, make them reality. Make the most of the times to come. Its a big world, with so much to see and do. I have made friends truer than family since my escape. Do the same!

  =}>>>>>>>>>>

  Thunder
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  wannaexit

  Swan,

  You have expressed my own sentiments in your post.

  The enormity of what the org had done to us is sometimes overwhelming.

  There have been days where I have been consumed by my jw experience and wondered how I could have been so blind and gullible to have believed such stupidity.

  I hope that one day we can really put it all behind us.

  wannaexit
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  Steve Lowry

  "Like being raised on a movie set, you walk through a door one day to find it is all just a facade. The enormity of the lie, the world they created for you to live in, the mindset you once excepted as normal, is sometimes too huge to comprehend yourself, much less explain to others who grew up "normal." "

  Hey Tammy,

  NOW, your life can begin! I think its kinda like a death, leaving the Watchtower Society. First there's shock, then denial, then anger, then sadness, and then finally, acceptance. It can take a while to go through these phases for someone who leaves the JW religion. But it comes.

  I like your "movie set" analogy. I can just hear God saying "CUT". I'm sure He is exited about you 'walking off the set' and your new found life and realization. I don't believe He wants anyone to be caught up in any thing that keeps people from knowing Him.

  With freedom comes the responsibilty of making wise and sound choices. But give me my freedom please!

  Steve
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  dmouse

  Like being raised on a movie set

  The Matrix perhaps?

  Personally, I was gutted when I realised that the 'truth' was all based on fantasy. Just like Neo (in the Matrix) I found it all overwhelming.

  I still have moments when all I want to do is catch a plane to Brooklyn and set about Bethel with a sledge-hammer. But mostly I am over that initial anger. If we allow ourselves to experience uncontrolled emotion regarding the WBTS then we are still being controlled by them.

  Hang in there, it does get better.
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  Steve Lowry

  The Matrix? Yeah, don't know why I never saw it that way. You bet.

  I'll take the RED pill please, Morpheus!