Yep, im still fading. I know it's gonna be a long and meticulous process but so far it's going well. Isnt it funny how when you stop reading the material and stop thinking yourself of being unworthy all the time - eventually you get happier and happier each day and see the world around you the way it is? Yeah, its not perfect but it never has been.
Anyway, last week i walk walking to the shops with my brother in law, he's 10 years younger than me. He's not long got married and out of the blue told me he's deliberately reducing his ministry input. The reason being that surely it's not right to go door to door when you feel no joy in it. Surely Jehovah would rather send a zealous person to an interested door? I told him that i haven't been on the ministry in 7 months and that im probably listed as inactive by now. I'm no longer called upon to give prayers, no privileges in the hall anymore but i still do demos. (Im gonna take myself off the school too in a few weeks).
The conversation we had was a long one, but in short he relayed some things he didnt feel right about in the borg. With some well thought out reasoning too. But at the same time he does still believe it to be the closest thing to truth out there. I can relate to an extent.
I told him some things im thinking. How this is almost a new religion compared to the one my dad joined in 1973. That if my dad were alive today and was presented with the current version of the revelation book he'd call it apostasy because the version he read was - supposed to be - the correct interpretation of Revelation. Also told him that the world is a terrible place - but then if you want wars, death, rape, destruction, tyrants etc you'll find it all throughout history. This is nothing new.
Nothing i said was dangerous enough to fear an elder pulling me aside and wanting a quiet word. And anyway im not afraid to voice my "doubts" to "concerned" elders. After all, im an imperfect human who is "thirsting for truth".
But what surprised me the most is that he told me of a very active couple we know who've left. No disassociated but stopped going entirely. Apparently they're not comfortable with the direction the borg is going and have concerns with the backtracking, deletions and distortions in the literature. This is a couple that you'd see on convention demos, interviews etc - the kind you'd see in the DVD's telling us how Jehovah has blessed them. They're not DF'ed or disassociated, i dont know why because wouldn't their voicing of such things be considered apostasy?
There seems to be lots of people who - one on one - will tell you they're having doubts but go along anyway because "it's the closest thing we have to truth" or "if i leave, i'd lose my family". Im in the last group myself.
A few years ago a load of young ones from my circuit went to Australia for a year - out of the 12 that went only 1 came back a witness. Without the influence of their parents watchful eyes they grabbed their opportunity to leave with both hands.
Kind of reminds me of North Korea. "Everything is fine. We're all happy here. :) " - as soon as they're out - RUN!!!!