Recovery and jigsaw puzzles

by Lady Lee 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    For those who are newly out, and especially for those raised in it, they have a huge task in dealing with all the effects of the abuse. They have little or no "self" to build on from a pre-existing self. Many need to start from scratch and discover things about themselves and learn about how to make good decisions versus being told what to do or asking an elder. This is a huge task.

    I used to tell people recovery is like a jigsaw puzzle that you have to put together. Someone hands you a bag with all the pieces but dumps it on the floor and then takes away the box. So you have to start putting your puzzle together. You don't know what the picture is. From the pieces you see or turn over you may see blue that could be sky but it could be water. You may see green but it could be grass or trees. You may see brown that could be a house or a tree.

    Slowly you sort out all the pieces. You separate the browns and the blues and the greens. You find all the edge pieces and slowly begin to build your frame. You begin to see there is water and sky and there is grass and tress so you separate your pieces even more. As you fill in the pieces, you find some fit and later realize a different piece goes in that place so you re-arrange your pieces until your picture begins to take form and come into view. You begin to realize the brown is actually part of a horse and cart.

    Each person's picture is unique to themselves. There may be similarities but the particular image that belongs to the individual is as different as we are.

    I find it fascinating to watch people put their puzzles together. There are always delightful surprises, talents undiscovered and wisdom learned along the way

    Bravo to all of you who are working on your puzzles.

  • Valis

    Lady Lee...nice post...hope you are doing well. BTW...what if you want a new puzzle or do it over again...will you get the same picture?


    District Overbeer

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Valis - nice thing about recovery is that you make your picture what you want it to be. I tis after all YOUR recovery and not to be dictated by anyone else. And you work on it at your comfort level not on a schedule.

    Today was a good day thank you and got to go out for a seafood dinner - yum what a treat - my picture just HAS to have seafood in it somewhere

  • joannadandy

    Ahh crap! I suck at puzzles!!

    *runs off to play with her Barbies*

    Nice post Lady Lee--I have always thought you were one of the most heartfelt/thoughtful posters here, and that is always reflected in your well thought and emotional posts.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    Joanna considering the post you just made in another thread - I'm not surprised you hate puzzles. Sort of fits eh?

    and I like you too Joanna

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    Hey maybe this is why I had such a hard time in therapy, I'm TERRIBLE at puzzles! Maybe that's why I've got pieces left over.

    But you make a good point LL, it is very much like trying to put the pieces back together, and the hard part is there is no picture to model after. The only guide you've got is your own inner self and your heart.

    I had a dream once just after I quit therapy. I dreamed I was in an old bi-plane. I was flying over the wreckage of Hiroshima. There was nothing left, no survivors, no life anywhere. So I turned the plane over the ocean and I was determined I had to fly back to America but I was worried that I would get lost (Fuel is irrelevent in this dream!) so I flew up and down the coast for a while. Then I thought "Screw it!" and I turned east. I took a chance, and after a few minutes I saw far off on the horizon was a bridge that looked like the Golden Gate bridge, only it rose up out of the ocean and kept going thousands of miles to America. It was my guide.

    It was the only flying dream I've ever had.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    What an awesome dream and for it to come just after you stopped therapy

    Taking that step into the unknown and trusting that you are on your own right path

    Funny I have been using this analogy for years with people - even had a puzzle put together and glued to a board on the office wall. But something you saod just clicked something for me - the importance of not being given the box with the picture on it.

    My family dictated who I would be - it had nothing to do with who I was.

    The borg dictated who I would be - again it had nothing to do with who I was.

    Constructing my puzzle really was stepping into the unknown.

    If you have done puzzles in the past I know I would sometimes get a piece that didn't belong. It had come from a different puzle and got mixed up in the wrong puzzle box. Those are the ones like family and the borg that try to fit themselves inot our puzzle. Sometimes the shape is actually correct but the colors are all wrong and it might even ptake a while or until you find the real piece that fits before you realize you have a pice from some other puzzle

    Thanks BT I love it when people can make me think more about some of this stuff

  • Prudence

    Lady Lee,

    I loved your analogy, interesting concept.

    I've decided I am going to work with collages in my recovery. You can use pieces of anything when

    you make them. I 've done so in the past and they are kind of like puzzles.

    Thanks for your post!


  • Prudence


  • oldcrowwoman

    Hi (((((LadyLee)))

    In my recovery I like working with visuals. Interesting putting the pieces of the puzzle together sometimes I think it fits. The piece is not quite right. Having to seek out another piece.

    Life is a puzzle?

    Thank you


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