I turn my back on it all

by CruithneLaLuna 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    read in a self-help book once that we are biologically obliged to spend two days grieving over any loss, and after that period of time our grief is self-inflicted.

    With all due respect, this book sounds like it is giving simple answers to complex problems. Grief is a profoundly deep and complex experience, but for anyone to advocate grieving over a death of someone very close for two days and then to tell them after that any grief you feel is your own doing, well I'm sorry but that is just a little too harsh, as well as inaccurate, for my tastes. People are more than biological automatons. We do not operate on biology or genes alone.

    If you apply that same standard to Jehovah's Witnesses, again I must respectfully disagree. In my own situation, I spent several years wrestling with whether this was "the truth" or not. Then when I came to believe it was not, there was genuine grief, real anger and confusion that had to be dealt with. The same with my abusive family. I spent 6 years in therapy dealing with some heavy duty shit they dumped on me. It had to be dealt with, cleaned up and then I could move on. Biology had nothing to do with it.

    Human beings are far more complex creatures than some computer that all you have to do is run an anti-virus program, let it scan for 30 minutes and then you're okay. No! That's wrong. People are not like that, and I reject any philosophy that says we can turn grief or sadness or anger on and off or we "should" feel grief for X amount of time. There is no should. Everyone is the same, but in different ways. We all will feel pain, or sadness or grief over similar experiences but how we express and process that experience is dependent on us, not biology.

    Now if you want to talk about beliefs or behaviors that self-limit, I'll listen. You might have a cogent point, and one that we all could apply.

  • lisavegas420

    Swan wrote: You are doing a really terrible of job of not sounding this way. I'm marking you "needs improvement" on this one. Maybe you should work on this a little harder while we work on our recovery issues.

    LMAO......[email protected] Swan


  • jwbot

    I am here to find support. What has happened in my life has affected my deeply. My family being ripped away from me is a big thing, and until they talk to me again, I do not think I could ever just "get over it". I come here because it is good to learn more about just why I made a good decision in leaving the borg, in addition to knowing I am not alone.

    I try not to dwell in the past, however, and realize that now that my decision is made, I would be abusing that by not moving foward and becomming complete in my life. I am so proud of myself, that I am going to college and making/meeting new and wonderful people. I am happy to be able to explore my lifestyle without the guilt that the borg has and would push on me when it is completely unsubstantiated.

  • Bernice

    Hi all: I am new to this and I need help. How do get started in this? How do I post my own message without going into someone's else's on reply. Thank you Bernice

  • tinkerbell82

    welcome bernice! try clicking on "new topic" and you should be able to start a thread of your own :)

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee


    Just below the last post you will see two links New Topic and Reply

    Try the New Topic one and welcome

  • Prudence


  • shotgun

    Hi cru

    Funny...I found the forum positive. Although many of the topics may be considered negative or comments at times are negative for the most part I have found alot of caring and loving people who give me hope where I have none and a brighter outlook for the future where for me the future looks bleak.

    But to each individual the experience is different. There seems to be a few devout JW's which frequent the site to defend Jehovah God from the forum, born agains, agnostics you name it they're here.

    Before I came to the forum I was told I was alone in my doubts and understanding of the WT...except for Satan apparently he is on my side. I think most here want to be positive, you can see it in the humour, kind words and also how much passion goes into many of the replies.

    Cru I have found it helpful when someone makes a comment that seems outragously harsh or they take an issue personally take the time to look at the post history of that individual...at least you get an idea of where they come from and maybe why it struck a nerve with them. More often than not after you do that you feel like sending them a long distance hug and a note to say I'm sorry for the pain you've endured.

    If its only positive communication you want then send me a PM and we can swap e-mail addresses and I'll send you pictures of my daughter and we can discuss everything but the WTBTS.

  • JT
    Why would someone come to a Jehovah's Witness Discussion Forum and then complain about people talking too much about Jehovah's Witnesses? You do have a right to complain about us complaining, but at as it seems to be the proper place to have these discussions, gripes, complaints, your complaints seem a bit self righteous to me.
    I didn't really mean to sound unsympathetic, unempathetic.

    You are doing a really terrible of job of not sounding this way. I'm marking you "needs improvement" on this one. Maybe you should work on this a little harder while we work on our recovery issues.


    i was thinking the same think sorta like going to a KKK rally and wondering why they are talking down so much on jews and blacks sad to say this post has Missed the point of this site and esp in terms of how it works here there are folks who are here and they are new, in fact many newbies come here in FULL SUPPORT OF THE WT except for a few issues, after a few weeks of posting and reading they end up realizing they bamboozled they were - at that point the anger, frustration and depression sets in for a while then they complain about what they missed out on in life because the reality of life sets in that they are going to get old and die, then they begin to move on to the next level and start to pursue goals and dreams so what happens is many poster like this one only sees the folks coming thru this site when they are at their lowest in life and that is realizing wt has duped them and each person travels the journey to freedom at different speeds and for a person to fail to realize that is sad it is great that they got thier life together, i wonder who would they feel if they had been raped while serving time for Alternative service and then be told it was thier fault think about this all those sisters in Malawi who carried soldiers babies to term and now they have kids 30yrs old from a rape- and then they find out that wt duped them and let the mexcian bro buy the cards so a poster like this one in my view is taking the easy, shortsight and perhaps selfiesh way out HEY I GOT MINE , HELL GET YOUR OWN that type of mindset has never impressed me

  • blacksheep

    It's great you can "turn your back" on all the negativity and deep hurtful feelings that many of us here experience. I for one have never been happier, although my life is immensely more complicated as a non JW. I look forward to the furture and feel a freedom I NEVER have felt before.

    However, I still have very close relatives who are JWs and interact with them frequently. I am forced, if I wish to continue interacting with the (which I do), into a variety of situations that require me to draw upon on my past knowledge of their cultic teachings. Nothing is straightforward with them. I have to explain to my young children why our relatives are not at their birrthday parties, holiday celebrations, and other major events which my children naturally think they should attend. I have to consciously censure our conversations about what I've been doing, involved in...so as not to make them uncomfortable.

    Honestly, if I never had relatives who were still involved, I'd be happy to just turn my back and say good riddence to the WT poison. Unfortunately, that's not the case.

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