By there fruits: The JW's very rarely encourage forgiveness

by goingthruthemotions 23 Replies latest jw experiences

  • goingthruthemotions

    By there fruits you can tell a true christian. Well if this is the case, then if you are not blind it is easy to see that the witnesses truly not what they present themselves as.

    My wife is a testament to this characteristic. over the amount of time we have been together which is very close to 30 years, i could count on one hand how many times she has said she was sorry and said she forgave me or someone else for something.

    thinking about this, i realized that 99% of there teaching are about loyalty to the org. You could also she this in how easy it is for the sheeple to turn face and shun or cut someone off without batting a eyelash.

    thanks JW. ORG for ruining my marriage and family

  • Sunworshipper805

    I wonder if being unwilling to say your sorry is a Witness caracteristic. My parents and siblings never say they're sorry, I guess it's pride?

    I can't seem to stop saying I'm sorry. My husband keeps telling me to stop.

    Also, even when they still talked to me, I had to be the person to call or arrange things.

  • The Fall Guy
    The Fall Guy

    Maybe you could show your wife the RNWT's wording on the subject of forgiveness:

    (Matthew 6:14, 15) “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; whereas if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

    But of course as we all now know, being a JW means having to be part of the most judgemental religion on the planet - bar none!

  • goingthruthemotions

    my feeling is that she was never taught sympathy, i have mentioned to her about the child abuse and she blows it off. i get pissed and tell her to think about the innocent victims. she doesn't have the ability to put herself in other peoples positions.

    i am convinced this is a JW characteristic resulting from the control they have over there followers and the persecution complex that is ingrained. because if you are being persecuted, there is no reason to apologize.

  • Good JW
    Good JW

    Perhaps your wife is pissed off with your seeming disrespect? From her standpoint all she's seeing is you being negative, and this gets her fed up to the point of switching off?

    As hard as this may be, it might be best to back off a little bit...

  • Wasanelder Once
    Wasanelder Once

    Many view an apology as a sign of weakness. In J-Dub land its a battle to maintain the appearance of strength, spiritual etc. If you are showing love as Jesus did, why would you need to apologize? They want to be like Jesus. Who did he forgive? Not the Pharisees. Most JW's don't know Jesus as anything other than the name to say at the end of a prayer.

  • LoisLane looking for Superman
    LoisLane looking for Superman

    goingthruthemotions: Have you looked up the defination of a narcissist? This is what your wife sounds like. They have no feelings. They only care for themselves and what they can get off other people. Hurting people, getting the "better" of them makes them happy. It sounds warped to us if we are normal but being warped is their normal.

    Have you heard of narcissistic supply? Many narcissists marry nice normal people in order to have a ready supply at their finger tips to put supposed loved ones "down". They enjoy hurting you, be it by hitting you, swearing at you, belittling you, laughing at you, no encouragement, with holding sex, putting you in dire financial stress. They don't care what they do to you and they do not apologize. If they apologize it is merely words in the air to make you stay. It is not wholehearted at all and they do not quit, they continue their bad behavior to intentionally hurt.

    I am sorry you have a wife like this. May I ask, why do you stay? Many times victims of narcissists state that they were in a Stockholm Syndrome situation. They are brainwashed to believe they cannot make it on their own if they leave, so unfortunately many stay.

  • ToesUp

    Narcissists NEVER apologize!!! I have dealt with 2 100% narcissists in my lifetime. The only thing you can do is RUN LIKE HELL!!! The best and only way to deal with them (and piss them off), is ignore them. They HATE to be ignored.

  • Good JW
    Good JW

    Gee whiz, now we're diagnosing the wife as a narcissist? This word gets thrown around far too much lol.

    Look around the world, you'll find most people rarely apologise/forgive (ie genuinely). This is a rare trait. Most people point the finger at someone else when things go wrong.

    "My life sucks because..."

    "Things go for me wrong because dad was..."

    The irony in this thread seems to be the fact that "an ex JW is 'always right' (because they left the wicked org) and there's no need to be apologetic".

    Can't people see the hypocrisy here?

  • stillin

    Is there any record of Jesus telling anybody that he was sorry? There you go!

    Actually, there are a good many things that I could point out to my wife when we argue. Things that could be dredged up from the past. I simply don't do that, but my wife seems to feel that things from 30 years ago are the same as things yesterday. Even if I have acknowledged that I made some mistake. ESPECIALLY if I admitted my wrong!

    The elders, under the training from the F&D slave, the Governing Body and whatever "schools" they go to to learn to be better shepherds don't get this one thing: people change. The stuff we did years ago is not who we are now. But to them and to our wives, we will always be infants and imbeciles.

    A little disclaimer here. I am keeping the faith that not ALL wives are like this. There is actually some mythical woman out there who can empathize with her husband and share what life brings without "crashing and burning" at unforeseen intervals. But I'm not looking for her. I just think it's possible.

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